It’s been 365 days since I started writing again. I thought it would be one habit that I continued. I started this year with a mindset of taking chances and trying again.

This year has been a hell of a mess. But I am still thankful. Despite all the horrible things that have happened in my life I still am thankful for the good things.

I was well aware of the dark cloud that surrounded me. I did not find meaning in anything I did. I was just going through the day. I felt dead inside. I did not want to live and some days wished that I would not wake up the next day.

The only reason I am alive today is Jesus. Even when I kept running away from Him, in the quiet silence he still had my back. Even with all my failures He kept fighting for me. He kept giving me reasons to be happy and people to love.

I know I am still carrying the pain from this year and it will take time for me to finally accept things as is and move on.

Probably, it’s a little cliche to make a resolution because it is the new year. I still am going to make one. I want to be better. On the path to being better, I am definitely going to hate myself. But if it can make me happier I will take a little grief.

All I need to do is breathe and remember why I started. I want to be better this year spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This time around I cannot fail.