Author: wordhues

Goodbye to 2023

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Another year has gone by.. I guess everyone reminiscences the whole year at the last day of the year. This year by definition has been a whirlwind for me. The year started with so much joy. I was living alone in my own home. A place that I could be my lazy, boring and introvert self. I could sit all day and do nothing and the icing on the cake no judgement at all. The remainder of the year may not have been ideal. Lots of challenges between faith and self love.

Am I happy today? Not Really… Am I still breathing? Definitely! I think this year taught me to keep hoping. I want so many things to change in my life. Maybe this time it will actually happen. Step by Step I will get there. I will make plans and I may even fail but I will never stop planning. I may not get everything I hope for but I am betting on the idea than the more shots I take, one, sooner or later will hit the target.

And I know that I am not the only one struggling and there are people with much bigger issues than me. All I can do is say a prayer for courage and hope to all.

Long Life, not for Me

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It may sound morbid or dark. But I don’t look much into the future. I never had long-term goals. It may be because I always think of worst case scenarios and since I have lived through a couple of them I don’t know how long will I last against them.

Short life, making the maximum people in my life happy. Maybe give them some cherished memories to hold on to. Be the reason that someone smiled today.

If I ever do consider a long life, it would mostly be in solitude with all my affairs in order with a will to fulfill any obligations that would occur after I die. That way, the people who love me can move along with their life with the most minimal disruption.

But to those who see a long life for themselves, I admire you and I hope one day I too can start dreaming of the future.

Daily writing prompt
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
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Accepting Myself

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Like many others, my biggest challenge has always been to accept myself. I have never given myself the benefit of doubt. If self criticism was a crime I would live the rest of my life behind bars. I used to wake up with the thoughts that I am not good enough and that I don’t deserve the good things in life. Through out the day the feelings continued to build over small things that would seem insignificant to others. I have always been my worst bully. I took two bouts of depression and recovering from thoughts of self harm for me to finally give myself some slack. The war with myself is ongoing, I may not win everyday but I think I have learnt to keep fighting. My faith in the Power greater than me has kept me from staying down and today I try to give others the courage to accept themselves and to keep fighting.

Daily writing prompt
What are your biggest challenges?
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My Secret Haven

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I think its always something a person who loves to read dreams of. When I think on the perfect space, its always been the same. A nice loft tucked away behind a secret door with ceiling to floor windows and a skylight. With a wall of multiple rows of moving book shelfs and a nice cozy sofa bed on the other end with a fold away table. I also imagine a small balcony with a tea table and a cozy basket chair to sit and read when the weather is pleasant. This could be a stretch but I also would not mind a small kitchen nook to make quick snacks and coffee. For me, that would me a perfect piece of heaven.

Daily writing prompt
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
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Time

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Some would call me cliche. But for me, when a person makes time for me in their day makes me feel special. I am inherently an introvert, so I don’t like meeting up with a lot of people. However, I find it most fulfilling to listen to my friends talk about their day, I love seeing the people I love happy. I am most grateful for the people who share their moments with me. Even if its just their silence and we just sit together and breathe I can feel the calmness and care surround me.

Daily writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
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My Sister

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She was always a sister but more of my mother. My mother was the typical disciplined loving mom but my sister was the fiercely protective mom. She was a kid herself but that never stopped her from protecting me from people or situations who hurt me. She has taught me to love others despite who they are and to fight for myself. She taught me to stand up for things that I want and though she gave up on lot of her dreams she never let me give up on mine.

Daily writing prompt
Who are the biggest influences in your life?
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Life a prolonged Moment

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Here is a short note on life … hilarious it seems today. One really wonders was goes through the mind of a eleven year old. Suppose it was an attempt on being philosophical. Maybe even trying to be a little positive..

What if Life was less than a moment
What if emotions ended in a glowering second
What if a a song ended in a blink of an eye
What if the wind dies out before it came
What if relationships are destroyed just after it is born
What if light become darkness at the next hour
What if we loose all our things in just a moment of thought
What if we live life as it comes rather than losing it in the thought of what is to come
Life is a gift once lived can never be retrieved
Live each moment as it comes to you

Heart ache

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When you are a kid the worst thing that can happen would be breaking up with your best friends. We get so attached to people who were strangers. That on one day when they just say things that are so mean we wither a little.

I was a very emotional person, the first time I fought with my “best” friend I fell apart. This short note was written amidst flowing tears and a hand wrapped around my mouth to stifle the noise of crying. When I think of it today I wonder to myself – How could I have been that naive? Anyways, I got over that and many more worst situations. Glad that I made it.

WHEN ONE’S HEART ACHES

When one’s heart aches what can they think,
what can they tell, what can they shed nothing at all…
When a person heart breaks it shattered into a million pieces,
just one hit, yet no sound is heard..
When one’s heart is stabbed a million times the wound deepens but is noticed by none.
It happens in just a second but nobody knows.
When a person loses all hope,
When living has no meaning,
When dying makes no sense,
When emotions die out,
When positivism is replaced by negativism,
When love has gone away.
When loneliness grabs you,
When silence surrounds you,
When happiness is replaced by grief,
When you think it will never be your day,
When memories taunt you,
When ambitions scare you,
When dreams tear you,
When one’s heart aches..

A time when you only think about this world.
A time when the Lord stands so near,
Waiting for you to turn to Him.
When the love of God captures you,
When you know you can live on,
When you realize the life isn’t bad.
When you know that, He is there to help you at a turning or crossroad.
When the lost smile returns in a while,
When He lifts you from the pit of misery,
When He gives His happiness to you as a gift.
When a one’s heart aches, He must run to God and not to human fraud.
Dear Lord, lead me, mould me and teach me Your ways.
Help me forget all of my sadness,
With You I get forever gladness,
May I be forever happy with You even if my heart aches..

Whispers of the Soul

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I wrote this poem while I was given a tour of a prospective college that I wanted to apply to. They kept on enlisting the merits of joining there the laurels they had got, the prestige of being an alumni.. the usual drill. All the while I was drifting elsewhere. I really don’t know what happened that day. It was along time ago. They had given us a notepad and pen as part of the welcome package. By the end of the session this is what ended up on my page.

SILENT TIMES

There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you find that there are things that cannot be explained.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you say things you mean but mean nothing to others.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you see things that others only occasionaly see.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you feel neglected when you really aren’t.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you sit under the sun yet darkness surrounds you.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you want to cry tears just don’t seem to come.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you are accompanied by millions but supported by none.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When your body is at rest but your mind is restless.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When your life seems endless but time is fleeting.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When you are surrounded by happiness but you find yourself plunged into sadness.
There are times when you don’t feel yourself,
When times just go on and you find no time to ponder on these going times.

Wishful Thinking

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DREAM

Dreams are a whole new dimension to a world full of happiness, to a world of your choice. The beginning of a dream starts with a wish, A wish to have a life your way. Dreams, a wonderful fictional reality.
Dreams, where your imagination comes alive, where hopes arise.
Dreams, the best hours of your life.
Dreams, the best life transformer.
Dreams, the biggest treasure of secrets.
Dreams, the fulfillment of a wish.
Dreams, the hopeful life of tomorrow.
Dreams, a mind calmer
Dreams, the best of this world
Dreams, the beauty of life
Dreams, a soul pacifier
Dreams, a time of no worries
Dreams, a time of inner exploration
Dreams, a spring of freshly bloomed flowers
Dreams, the world full of adventure
Dreams, the world where science does not matter
Dreams, the factory of imagination
Dreams, a second heaven
Dreams, a time teleporter
Dreams, are anything or everything that you want to happen in your life.
Dreams are just meant to be the start of wishful thinking.