Growing up is never fun. I guess it’s worse when circumstances push you towards it.
Being the younger child I am the family baby. My parents protected me all through my life and my sister always went above and beyond to shield me from every pain.
Life had a different path set for me. When I was 14, I saw my mother fall sick. I saw her working through her pain and exhaustion to provide for her children. And then, I saw her body fail her. She forced herself to get up and pretend everything was okay but I somehow I realized that she was hiding the truth.
I remember walking into the hospital with her when she finally could not push herself any longer. I remember her on the hospital bed talking and explaining her issues to the doctor. After that, it was like a switch. She slowly started fading. It like her mind finally was exhausted holding on and then she started getting worse. My sister and father were unable to be with us at that time. So I sat at the side of my mamma’s bed, alone, seeing her struggling to breathe. Every time she woke up she told me she is okay but I could see her fading away, I could see the color of her skin change, I could see her slowly loose her appetite, I could see her fighting to stay alive.
My mother thought that I was small and that I did not understand anything but I remember every update the doctors gave. I realized the possibility that I could loose my mother. I used to cry when I showered so that no one would know that I was crying. I did not want my mamma to worry about me. I could see that she was in pain and there was nothing I could do to get her out of it.
I realized that seeing her in pain was far worse than the pain of loosing her. I tried to grow up to be stronger. When my sister and father were able to join us I sought to be the person they could rely on. I held my sister when she broke down crying in worry and told her that we need to be strong for mamma. When my father put his hands around my shoulder I told him that we were a family and that together we can face anything. In those moments I knew I could not be the person that is been taken care of rather I needed to be the person who took care of others. I took it upon me to stir conversations away from the gloom and glum. I know that the worry will always be there in the back of their mind but for those few minutes I wanted them to remember the happiness.
By a miracle, I got my mother back and lets be clear there have been many close calls after. But today, I am not fearful, I am determined to be the wall to fall back on. There is no circumstance that my family would have to face alone. I will be the courage they need to continue.
To all the Children who grew up to soon, I may have been hell but you got through it. Your courage and determination is beyond comprehension. I hope that you get to have days in your life to relive the innocence of a child.
Word Hues 