Tag: writer

Day 106: Recovering from the Break Down

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

So I am back. Today I am smiling again, even though there is still pain in my heart. Life feels heavy right now, with so many things going wrong all at once. Some days I am simply too weak to face it. On those days, I withdraw into myself and hope that the storm will pass. It feels like the world is closing in, and all I can manage is the simple act of waking up. I want to lie down the whole day, doing nothing, because nothing makes sense. It feels like drowning on dry land—unable to breathe, unable to move forward. My heart had taken my mind hostage, and I was trapped in the tension between wanting to live fully and feeling paralyzed by pain.

My mind kept reminding me of all the things I needed to do, all the ways I should keep pushing forward. But the reminders felt hollow, because nothing seemed to matter. I don’t like this feeling, but I think it was inevitable. For too long, I’ve tried to push down the pain, convincing myself to focus only on the good things. That works sometimes, but not always. There are days when the weight of what I’ve hidden breaks through, and I am forced to face the vulnerability I fear. I hate being vulnerable. I think I am scared of what it reveals about me, scared of being seen as weak. Yet, despite that fear, I made it through. After days of feeling like everything was collapsing, I am finally beginning to emerge from the darkness. Sitting here now, writing this post, I feel grateful to be back on track, ready to work toward meaningful change in my life.

I know this cycle will repeat if I keep relying only on myself. That’s why I hope, going forward, I learn to turn to God instead of crashing out internally. He has carried me even when I never asked Him to. If He takes care of me without my asking, how much more will He take care of me when I reach out to Him for help? That thought gives me hope. It reminds me that I don’t have to fight alone, that there is strength beyond my own walls. And today, even with the pain still lingering, I am smiling again—because I believe I am being led toward something better.

Managing the Crash

Published on by wordhues4 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
View all responses

Attempting this prompt again, because this time the answer feels a little different. Especially since I’ve just returned to some level of normalcy after feeling like I was drowning for the past two days. Having bad days isn’t uncommon anymore; it almost feels like they’ve become the norm. The world is on fire, and no matter how hard you try, some days simply don’t go your way.

Talking about my strategy to cope with negative feelings, fair disclaimer: this is not a good practice. What I do is probably one of the more toxic ways of dealing with things. But here it is. First, I hide what I’m feeling. I never let the next person know what’s going through my mind. My problems are my own. It’s rare that anyone would truly understand, and even rarer that they’d know exactly what’s happening inside. Second, I build compartments and shove the feelings into a box. There’s no time to deal with emotions. Feelings complicate things and make everything confusing. Wearing your heart on your sleeve feels like the biggest disservice you can do to yourself. So I tell myself: deal with the feelings later. It most certainly isn’t in the moment. Finally, I focus on getting through today, pushing the problems out for tomorrow.

Now, here’s why this isn’t effective. Every once in a while, the feelings I’ve boxed up start to crack through. I try damage control, thinking maybe handling a small issue will make the compartments strong again, strong enough to withstand a few more days. But the pile of negative emotions always grows faster than my ability to manage them. Then comes the crash. The day when everything tumbles down, when it feels like the world is ending and life has lost all meaning. I shut down for a couple of days, overwhelmed by the tide of emotions. Nothing makes sense until I finally gather the strength to rebuild the walls, compartmentalize again, and start over.

I still follow this vicious cycle, but once in a while I take time to talk to someone. It doesn’t stop the crash, but it helps me recover from it. It gives me courage to fight again and somehow gives me the strength to take a step in the right direction.

Day 93: Determination and Prayers

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Most people stay awake late on a Saturday because they know Sunday gives them time to recover. For me, it’s the opposite. Sunday evenings bring this undeniable urge to stay awake as long as possible, almost as if I’m trying to stretch the weekend. The consequence, of course, is that Monday mornings hit me hard—I wake up drowsy, reluctant to face the day. And so, the cycle continues week after week.

Today was a “so-so” day. No great strides, but I managed to complete everything I intended. Still, I feel the need to push myself more. I want to start cooking again, not relying on ordering food. Pain has become my excuse too often, and I don’t want to let it turn into laziness. I dream of living alone someday, of having my own place, of being truly self-sufficient. But dreams only come true if I make the effort. Even if it means cooking meals I don’t particularly enjoy, I need to start somewhere.

Day 92: Two Down, Ten to go

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

A new month has begun, and time feels like it’s racing past me. It seems like we just celebrated the New Year, yet here we are already in March. Everything feels like a haze sometimes—days blending into each other, moving faster than I can catch them.

Last night was rough. Pain kept me tossing and turning, and I woke up with the exhaustion that only disturbed sleep can bring. My body felt stiff, every joint creaking like old hinges. How much simpler life would be if, like in the cartoons I grew up watching, a little oil could fix the pain in my joints.

Even so, today was bearable. More than bearable, actually—I managed to do something I hadn’t done yesterday. I cooked dinner. Nothing fancy, of course—my mother had already done all the prep, and I just had to cook it. But it was more than I managed the day before, and that feels like a step in the right direction.

Today was about winding down, letting my body recover from the effort of yesterday. It felt like my system was in “recovery mode,” recharging after the stress of climbing those stairs. I hope that one day soon, I’ll have enough energy to enjoy a day out and still wake up the next morning ready to do more.

For now, I’ll take this as progress: two months down, ten more to go. One step closer to my goals than I was yesterday.

Day 91: Five Steps Closer

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Spontaneity has never been my strength. Sudden plans usually send me into a spiral of panic. But there are exceptions—and family outings are one of them. When I’m with my family, the anxiety fades. I don’t worry about what others think. I just feel safe.

Six months ago, life looked very different. I could barely walk without dragging my leg behind me. Sitting down and standing up from a chair felt like climbing a mountain. I had no strength in my legs, and I often wished for a chair in front of me just to hold onto, in case I fell. Nights were the hardest—I remember crying quietly into my pillow every time I had to turn in bed, praying no one would hear me.

Today, I’m not what most would call “healthy,” but I’m far better than I was. And today, I had a victory.

We went out as a family for lunch. To reach our reserved table, I had to climb five stairs. Five steps—something so small for most people, but for me, it was monumental. Each step sent shooting pain through my legs, but I made it. I leaned on my sister to get down the stairs, but I didn’t break down crying. I got through it. Those five steps were everything.

The meal itself was wonderful. Good food, laughter, and togetherness. I even took pictures of all the dishes we ate. Funny enough, I used to judge people for photographing their food. But now, I see it differently. For me, it’s about capturing a happy memory. I don’t care if the photos are “Instagram-worthy”—I just want them for myself. Since I can’t go on the long walks I used to love, food has become my next best subject for photography. One of these days, I might even start sharing them online.

Leaving all that aside, today was a good day. Yes, I’m in some pain, and yes, I’m exhausted—but nothing I can’t handle. More importantly, I’m determined. I don’t want to go back to my “old self.” I want to become my better self. And with faith, family, and perseverance, I believe I will.

Day 90: Difference 3 months can make

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

It’s been three months since I began my daily blog, and so much has changed in that time. I’ve stepped out of a toxic relationship, started working on my health, and begun building habits I’ve wanted to cultivate for years.

The biggest win for me has been returning to the Bible. For a long time, I closed that part of my life off, distracted by worldly concerns. I took for granted that Jesus always had my back, while I gave little thought to the One who cared for me most. Now, I’m trying to do better. I may never be worthy of His grace, but I hope to keep reminding myself of His love.

Today was a little harder. My stomach has been upset, and I’ve felt nauseous. Food doesn’t appeal to me, but I ate something anyway so I could take my medication. The swelling in my leg is worse than usual, though I know elevating it tonight will help.

Even with the exhaustion, I managed to get through work and close out everything I needed to. There’s a quiet satisfaction in ending the day with no unfinished tasks waiting for tomorrow. That peace makes rest feel even sweeter.

I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made, and even on days like this, I want to keep moving forward—for the better, for my health, and for my faith.

Day 89: A Perfect Lazy Day

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Some days unfold without urgency, without deadlines, without the usual rush—and today was one of those rare pauses. I had wrapped up all my work yesterday, expecting more tasks to come my way, but instead I found myself with nothing pressing to do. At first, I tried to make plans, even plans to make plans, but none of them materialized.

Instead, I sat at my desk, letting the quiet stretch across the hours.

One of the highlights of the day was talking with my mom. I love listening to her stories, especially when she reminisces about her childhood. There’s a sparkle in her voice, almost childlike, when she recalls those memories. All her siblings have passed away, and I know she misses them deeply. Sharing those stories seems to connect her back to them, keeping their presence alive in her heart—and in mine, too, as I listen.

Interestingly, the stillness of the day made me realize how much the week had taken out of me. When I’m busy, fatigue hides behind the momentum. But when everything slows down, exhaustion steps forward. Even strong coffee couldn’t keep me from napping in the afternoon. Oddly enough, that nap gave me a second wind, leaving me more refreshed for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t a day of productivity, but it was a day of recovery. A slow rhythm, a gentle reset, and a reminder that sometimes doing nothing is exactly what we need.

Day 88: When Work Takes Over

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today was one of those work-intensive days where it felt like I did nothing but grind away at my tasks. By the end, my brain was fried, and all I wanted was to collapse into bed for a deep, uninterrupted sleep. Heads down, lights out.

I tried to recharge with a power nap in the afternoon, but it only made things worse. I woke up with a headache stronger than the one I started with. At one point, I wanted to throw my laptop aside and just run away from it all. I even put on my “work mode” playlist, hoping the music would push me through. But the motivation never came.

Instead, I crawled to the finish line of the day. Eventually, I gave up on completing the task and shut my laptop. Work will still be there tomorrow, but tonight, I need rest. Sleep feels like the only answer.

Day 87: Small Progress Towards Changes

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today felt like one of those rare days where everything balanced out just right. I started early, easing into the morning before my work calls. Despite preparing myself, I still managed a few funny mishaps during the call — my habit of laughing when I’m embarrassed or stressed made its usual appearance. Thankfully, cameras are not mandatory, or my red ears would have given me away. But honestly, starting the day with laughter set a good tone.

Pain was under control, and I remembered to read my Bible, which grounded me and lifted my spirit. That alone made me feel like the day was off to a meaningful start.

Food was a little unusual today — I ate more than I normally do. Hunger doesn’t usually hit me that hard, but I tried to keep it healthy and paced myself, taking breaks to check in with my body. On top of that, I drank about two liters of water, which is a big step forward for me. It may not be the “ideal” amount, but considering my usual habits, it felt like progress. With summer approaching, I know hydration will be key, so I’m hoping I can slowly grow my habit of hydrating myself.

In the afternoon, I took a break and picked up my sketchpad. I started working on a drawing of Rengoku, my favorite character from Demon Slayer. I don’t know why, probably because his character is completely contradicting to my character. He is just so positive and motivated it always brings a smile to my face. The sketch – I didn’t finish it, but I made significant progress, hopefully, I’ll complete it by the end of the week.

Looking back, today was a good day. A mix of laughter, discipline, creativity, and small victories. Sometimes, it’s not about big achievements but about noticing the little things that make life feel lighter.

Day 86: Celebrating the Win and acknowledging the failure

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. For the first time in months, I did something I had been struggling with—reading my Bible before starting the day.

Too often, I pushed it to the end of my schedule, telling myself there were “more important” things to do. Yet deep down, I knew that true healing begins with the soul, and closeness to God is the only way to nurture it. It’s ironic that I neglected this, especially when I remember a phase of my life where everything seemed to go against me, yet I was still happy—because faith gave me hope.

That’s the feeling I want again. The pure joy that isn’t tied to circumstances. Happiness that simply is. Today, that small step felt like my “good thing.”

But in the spirit of being honest about my failures, I have to admit—I bought more things. I feel embarrassed and ashamed, yet also excited about the purchases. That temporary dopamine rush is so addictive. I realize that quitting impulsive spending cold turkey is difficult. Maybe the answer is gradual change: reducing my spending budget, increasing savings, and slowly breaking the craving.

Impulse buying feels like a challenge as big as my junk food habits and poor sleep routine. But acknowledging these struggles is the first step.

This year, I want to work toward meaningful change—bit by bit, choice by choice. Because lasting transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but through consistent, intentional steps.