Failures

Not to be too cliche but it is true..

I am the kind of person who generally does not work hard for something. But sometimes I make that extra effort to get something I really want. I would plan and replan till it was just right. Then I would stay focused and strive hard but despite everything I failed.

Initially, I used to think that was the end and just give up. When I would see others achieve what I could not I would make myself smaller. I kept thinking that I could not do it cause I was not good enough.

However, one day I decided to fight after may failure. And I realized the second time around I was easily able to navigate the mistakes and though it took me a couple of times to actually win, I eventually did.

I realized that with every attempt I got better and faster. That was the turning point for me. I learnt to fight from then on. No matter how long it takes I will keep trying.

Like Edison said — “I have not failed, but found a 1000 ways how not to make one.”

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Love to Hate it

Do I love my “job”? It would depend on the day you ask me. I think everyone has those days where the stress of the job does not seem worth the pay of it.

When I think about it I love the “work” I do. I chose my career path and am excited about learning new things. However, I have a need to give 100% to anything I do and when I can’t do that, I tend to get upset. My parents have instilled in me to be sincere to the job that pays the bill and I always try I do my best. The job is not always about the “work” though, it includes navigating through people’s expectations, office politics and sometimes unfair situations. Most days you handle it but some days it just gets you and then the job feels like a burden.

For me, my job keeps me occupied and there is only so many days I can “relax”. As a added advantage if I am working I not worrying and I welcome that break. But, I want to be so much more than just my job. I want to do things which does not need me to be perfect it just requires me to make progress.

I have realized to enjoy my job, I need to find the balance of perfect at my job and learning to take things lighter when doing art or writing. I have made small efforts to balance out my life this year and it has made a difference. Little by little I will reach where I intend to.

Daily writing prompt
Do you enjoy your job?

Recollections of the Past

When we are kids we always are busy. Always doing something or the other.

As a kid I loved collecting stamps and coins but with the relocating I lost some so I has to let it go. I loved writing down the lyrics to my favorite songs. I also made activity books by cutting up the crossword puzzles and comic strips from the newspaper. Oh and makeup! I think all kids at some put loved being a make up artist.

But there are some that I have continued doing or restarted recently. I still enjoying making small drawings once in a while or painting or some sort of art. The one consistent thing over the years has been writing and I am so glad I never let that go.

Daily writing prompt
Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

Sweet Tooth

I believe with all my heart that I like most kids loved all kinds of candy. As I grew up though I started to loose my interest of most kind of candies.

There are however a few of them that have continued to hold a place in my heart. Kit Kat is my forever favorite! I simply love the Hazelnut chocolate flavor. I know there are other chocolates with the same taste but those wafer covered chocolates will always be my first choice.

I also love the Heartbeat candies.. Especially the purple colored ones. I have not eaten them in a long time but I still have the memory of the taste and it is just amazing.

I am not sure it would be considered as a candy. But when talking about my favorite sweet food item, Loacker cube wafers cannot be excluded. I could eat a whole bag of it at one go. Even though now I don’t prefer having a lot of candies, I still I could binge eat them today.

All these are stuff I have been having since my childhood so I guess they are part of my core memories. I can just close my eyes and imagine their taste.

Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite candy?

It was on Me…

Each time we fought you got hurt but the scars were left on my heart,
Each time we shared secrets you were relieved but I was always burdened.
Each time we consoled each other you recovered but I sank further in,
Each time I tried never to be the same I always failed and never did really change,
Each time you shed tears some fell from mine but I never let you notice,
Each time I fell I tried to get up on my own as I did not wan to be an obstacle in your way,

In your happiness I was happy but when I was sad no one cared,
I thought of you as my driving force for living,
As days went by I was no more part of your life,
When the words you spoke made me sad I hid the tears that fell from my eyes for which I always regret,
I once was an open book but as time passed I closed up myself,
I never told you what you said hurt me but hoped you would realize but never did,
I waited and waited for you to notice but you showed no signs of it,

So I accept it was my mistake,
I hurt you, I made you cry but I hoped you would always remain mine,
But now I know your happiness is not with me,
I just want to say I am sorry,
I can’t say anything else because you were and are my everything,
I am sorry for everything I have have said and done,
Please forgive me if you can and hope that you will give a place in a corner of your life again.

Breathe Again

Since I have missed on a couple of the daily prompts guess now onwards will be the challenge to continue writing everyday.

It seemed appropriate to start with why I started the blog. Initially, it was just about a social media presence. I restarted my blog when I had a complete reset. I realized that though in daily life I am quiet silent I had a lot to say. I chose to stay alone because I felt that no one could understand me. Then, I started writing poems as a way to manage my emotions, fear.. Sometimes when I read them over I feel that those words have absorbed the pain.

I hope that maybe someone out there can read and realize that suffocating feeling happens to many. And most of them if not all choose to bear it in silence so that the people they love don’t feel their pain.

I hope that my little insignificant blog would help them to remember to keep breathing. It may hurt bad for sometime but slowly you learn to find a way to smile despite that. You don’t bury the pain away, but rather acknowledge it. You learn to breathe again!

Keepsakes

For me many things trigger memories and I have accumulated a lot of keepsakes to remind me of the happy moments. People say that you never forget the happy memories if you truly cherish them. But sometimes when we are emotionally worn-down and every single thing in the world feels like a burden it is those keepsakes that help me remember.

I have kept old photos, old toys, small notes passed between classes, and gifts given by friends. They remind me of a time where I loved everything about my life, where the burdens of the world did not weigh me down and each and every moment was an opportunity to feel loved and feel joy.

To name one, I have a picture a of view outside the very same window that my sister had taken over 5 years ago. The pictures shows the changes that has occurred to the landscape. Earlier there was probably two sky scrapers at a distance but in my picture those very same sky scrapers look like a tiny building.

Those set of pictures really remind me on how many things have changed over the years. Whether you consider it good or bad that really depends, but change, happens.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you feel nostalgic?

Still a Mystery to Me

Mission simply put would be the reason of one’s existence. When I was young I really never paid heed to the more philosophical aspects of life. One would think, the older you get one ends up finally understanding what is their life’s purpose. I guess I still have not got around to it.

I think presently I am just picking up my broken pieces and gluing them back together. Today, my only mission if you would have it is to be happy. Not the kind of fleeting happiness but to have the kind of happiness that lasts and that I can share. I may not have a larger purpose of my life yet but on a generic terms it would probably be not to be negative. Everything else I should be able to achieve without the constant nagging in my mind.

It is never to late I still have time to find my life’s purpose. Hopefully sooner than later.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What is your mission?