Tag: happiness

Managing the Crash

Published on by wordhues4 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
View all responses

Attempting this prompt again, because this time the answer feels a little different. Especially since I’ve just returned to some level of normalcy after feeling like I was drowning for the past two days. Having bad days isn’t uncommon anymore; it almost feels like they’ve become the norm. The world is on fire, and no matter how hard you try, some days simply don’t go your way.

Talking about my strategy to cope with negative feelings, fair disclaimer: this is not a good practice. What I do is probably one of the more toxic ways of dealing with things. But here it is. First, I hide what I’m feeling. I never let the next person know what’s going through my mind. My problems are my own. It’s rare that anyone would truly understand, and even rarer that they’d know exactly what’s happening inside. Second, I build compartments and shove the feelings into a box. There’s no time to deal with emotions. Feelings complicate things and make everything confusing. Wearing your heart on your sleeve feels like the biggest disservice you can do to yourself. So I tell myself: deal with the feelings later. It most certainly isn’t in the moment. Finally, I focus on getting through today, pushing the problems out for tomorrow.

Now, here’s why this isn’t effective. Every once in a while, the feelings I’ve boxed up start to crack through. I try damage control, thinking maybe handling a small issue will make the compartments strong again, strong enough to withstand a few more days. But the pile of negative emotions always grows faster than my ability to manage them. Then comes the crash. The day when everything tumbles down, when it feels like the world is ending and life has lost all meaning. I shut down for a couple of days, overwhelmed by the tide of emotions. Nothing makes sense until I finally gather the strength to rebuild the walls, compartmentalize again, and start over.

I still follow this vicious cycle, but once in a while I take time to talk to someone. It doesn’t stop the crash, but it helps me recover from it. It gives me courage to fight again and somehow gives me the strength to take a step in the right direction.

Day 100: Choosing Joy, Seeking Peace

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today feels different. It is a day of contemplation, a pause to ask myself – why am I doing this?

When I began this blog, it was with the hope of reigniting a passion that had quietly slipped away. Writing once centered me, even when my world was engulfed in chaos. Putting thoughts onto paper made the weight of life feel lighter, more bearable. It gave me perspective, strength to fight one more day. But somewhere along the way, the more blows I took, the further I drifted from writing. I lost a piece of myself without even realizing it.

I wonder—when did we move away from doing things simply for the joy of doing them, to doing things only because we have to? Today, every action seems to demand justification, a measurable benefit. My parents called it “growing up.” But in truth, it clipped the wings that longed to fly. Perhaps they too had dreams they were expected to abandon in the name of reality.

I count myself among the privileged, because I still have the choice. The choice to follow dreams, even when it goes against everything I’ve been taught. The choice to take the difficult path, knowing it may lead to failure. But I am grateful for that choice, because even if I stumble, I will have tried. And in trying, I will have chosen happiness. In a world where joy feels scarce, perhaps that is the greatest achievement of all.

While I am deeply grateful for all the blessings God has given me, I cannot ignore the reality that, in many parts of the world, people’s lives are engulfed in war and suffering. Their homes are burning, their families torn apart, and their futures uncertain. My heart aches for them, and so I lift my prayers to the heavens—for peace, for hope, for protection, and for safety.

Prayer may be the only thing I can offer from where I stand, but I believe it matters. I believe that once hearts are changed, the world itself can change. And I hold onto the faith that God is the One who softens hearts, just as He did with Pharaoh in the Holy Bible. If He can turn hardened hearts toward compassion, then there is hope that even in the midst of war, humanity can find its way back to peace.

Day 99: Jigsawing a plan

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I’ve never considered myself an organized person. In fact, I often admire those who can plan their day and stick to it with discipline. They seem to move through life with clarity, while I stumble through mine with hesitation. This morning, I decided to try something new—I sat down to make a daily schedule. Deep down, I know I might fail at following it, but I want to become someone who honors her commitments.

The idea of a schedule feels both exciting and intimidating. On one hand, it promises structure and progress. On the other, it raises endless questions: how do I divide my day between home duties, work, studies, and rest? Eight hours are already reserved for sleep, leaving sixteen to be split wisely. Do I study in the morning when my mind is fresh, or at night when the world is quiet? How much time should I give to chores, and where do I fit in my art projects—the one thing that brings me joy? Sometimes, I feel I waste more time planning than actually doing.

After watching countless productivity videos, I’ve realized a few truths about myself:

  • First, I get anxious when I make plans. I imagine everything that could go wrong before I even begin. I need to remind myself that missing one task doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined. Progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency.
  • Second, I am inherently lazy. Having had many things handed down to me, I never truly learned the discipline of effort. Procrastination has become a habit, almost an addiction. I know I need to break it. Maybe limiting my screen time again could help—it worked once before, and perhaps it can work again.
  • Third, I am easily distracted. I’ve reached a point where I can’t do anything without background noise. I replay old series I’ve already watched, convincing myself I don’t need to pay attention, but it still pulls me away from focus. Silence feels uncomfortable, yet I know it’s necessary for deep work.

Despite these challenges, I want to dive into the deep end. I want to build habits that last, even if they start small. I want to learn to sit with silence, to push through laziness, and to quiet the anxiety that comes with planning. My hope is that one day, I’ll look back and be proud of myself—not for being perfect, but for finally breaking free from the cycle of procrastination and distraction.

For now, I’ll take it one step at a time. A schedule may not transform me overnight, but it can be the first brick laid in the foundation of a more disciplined life. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll discover that organization isn’t about rigid control—it’s about creating space for the things that matter most.

Day 98: Family Moments and Quiet Wins

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

A good rest is often more healing than any medicine. The night before, I tossed and turned with a migraine. I don’t know if everyone’s experience is the same, but for me, sleep never comes easily during a migraine bout. Only when I am physically exhausted do I finally drift off—and yesterday was no different. Thankfully, once I did get some proper sleep, I woke up with relief from the pain.

Truthfully, I could have slept longer, but my body rarely allows me more than seven hours at a stretch. So I got up and tried to study. Tried being the key word. Have you ever turned pages without absorbing a single word? That was me today—reading without understanding, just going through the motions.

For lunch, my sister stopped by with her family. Whenever my nephews are around, schedules go out the window. Books were abandoned, and we all sat together to talk and eat. After lunch, my sister and I continued our conversations in my mother’s room. Time flew by, as it always does when you’re caught up in laughter and stories.

Later in the evening, after they left, I made dinner for my parents. Nothing fancy—just an omelette—but I managed to get the seasoning right this time, neither too salty nor too bland. I also prepared some hummus, not for today but because I’d been putting it off for a while due to pain flare-ups. While cleaning up the kitchen afterward, frustration crept in as the pain returned. I slammed a door to release it—not the most effective method, but better than yelling and saying things I didn’t mean.

By the end of the day, I felt calmer. I spent some time journaling and practicing lettering in my workbook. And now, as the last act of the day, I’m writing this blog entry.

Day 97: Highs and Lows

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I was genuinely excited about today. My new stationery organizer finally arrived, and I couldn’t wait to arrange the rest of my supplies neatly into it. For the first time, nothing is hidden away—everything is right in front of me, visible and inviting. Just seeing my pens, brushes, and papers lined up feels like encouragement to make time for the thing I love most: art.

For years, I believed that drawing had to be perfect. I hesitated to use my supplies, telling myself I needed to be “good enough” first. I didn’t want to “waste” them on bad drawings. But now I realize that if I never use them, I’ll never improve. Failures are part of the process; they pave the way to success. Today, I’m okay with the mistakes because I hold onto the hope of progress.

Unfortunately, the day didn’t end as brightly as it began. While body aches have become a familiar challenge—something I’ve learned to manage—today brought back an old enemy: migraine. The throbbing in my head was relentless, and every step felt like my brain was swishing inside my skull. The lights in my room became unbearable, and only when I switched them off did I feel a small measure of relief.

So I’m winding down early tonight, hoping sleep will bring comfort. The organizer sits on my desk, a reminder of the joy I felt earlier. Even though the day ended painfully, I’ll carry that spark of excitement with me into tomorrow.

Day 95: Productive but exhausted

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today felt productive. I woke up to an early alarm and treated myself to a warm shower. The hot water helped ease the flare-up in my joints—I just stood under the stream and let it wash over the aches. For a little while, I felt lighter, more awake.

The first thing I did after my shower was meal prep. I knew cooking would take me longer because of the pain, so I wanted to get ahead of it. Cooking for one person is still something I struggle with—I’ve always cooked for a family of four. Usually, I end up under-salting because I’m overly cautious. Ironically, today I oversalted the food. Still, it was edible, and I enjoyed it.

Work was supposed to end early, but life had other plans. After logging out, I was enjoying some quiet time with my art when an unexpected ping pulled me back. I ended up working late into the night to finish tasks, and now I’m writing this half-asleep.

I’m extremely drowsy, so I’ll leave it here for today. Tomorrow, I’ll revisit this entry before publishing, but for now, I’ll count it as another day of progress—even if it ended later than I hoped.

Day 94: Small Wins and the Battle with Sleep

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I woke up comparatively early today—not as early as I had hoped, but early nonetheless. I keep telling myself I need to set a fixed time to study. I’ve always been someone who studies best at night, when everything around me is quiet. But now, with work, it’s harder. After shutting my laptop, my mind goes into battle: sleep or study. Sleep wins every time, with me promising myself, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Truth is, there’s no point studying when I’m exhausted—nothing sticks in my head anyway.

It’s difficult to get back into a studying mindset once you start earning money. I catch myself thinking, “Why am I punishing myself? When will this be over?” But the sensible part of me knows this is my dream. Not something my parents asked me to do, not something suggested for career growth—this is mine. I delayed it because I couldn’t afford it, but now that I’ve saved enough, I owe it to myself to see it through.

So I’m going to push myself. Smaller goals—maybe just two pages of a chapter at a time. Hopefully, once I start, momentum will carry me forward.

Outside of studying, I did manage something I’m proud of: I cooked fish and a side dish for lunch. That felt like an achievement. I also took an afternoon nap—though calling it a “nap” might be a stretch since I slept for two hours. Other than that, nothing eventful today.

But even on quiet days, small goals and small wins matter.

Day 93: Determination and Prayers

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Most people stay awake late on a Saturday because they know Sunday gives them time to recover. For me, it’s the opposite. Sunday evenings bring this undeniable urge to stay awake as long as possible, almost as if I’m trying to stretch the weekend. The consequence, of course, is that Monday mornings hit me hard—I wake up drowsy, reluctant to face the day. And so, the cycle continues week after week.

Today was a “so-so” day. No great strides, but I managed to complete everything I intended. Still, I feel the need to push myself more. I want to start cooking again, not relying on ordering food. Pain has become my excuse too often, and I don’t want to let it turn into laziness. I dream of living alone someday, of having my own place, of being truly self-sufficient. But dreams only come true if I make the effort. Even if it means cooking meals I don’t particularly enjoy, I need to start somewhere.

Day 92: Two Down, Ten to go

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

A new month has begun, and time feels like it’s racing past me. It seems like we just celebrated the New Year, yet here we are already in March. Everything feels like a haze sometimes—days blending into each other, moving faster than I can catch them.

Last night was rough. Pain kept me tossing and turning, and I woke up with the exhaustion that only disturbed sleep can bring. My body felt stiff, every joint creaking like old hinges. How much simpler life would be if, like in the cartoons I grew up watching, a little oil could fix the pain in my joints.

Even so, today was bearable. More than bearable, actually—I managed to do something I hadn’t done yesterday. I cooked dinner. Nothing fancy, of course—my mother had already done all the prep, and I just had to cook it. But it was more than I managed the day before, and that feels like a step in the right direction.

Today was about winding down, letting my body recover from the effort of yesterday. It felt like my system was in “recovery mode,” recharging after the stress of climbing those stairs. I hope that one day soon, I’ll have enough energy to enjoy a day out and still wake up the next morning ready to do more.

For now, I’ll take this as progress: two months down, ten more to go. One step closer to my goals than I was yesterday.

Day 91: Five Steps Closer

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Spontaneity has never been my strength. Sudden plans usually send me into a spiral of panic. But there are exceptions—and family outings are one of them. When I’m with my family, the anxiety fades. I don’t worry about what others think. I just feel safe.

Six months ago, life looked very different. I could barely walk without dragging my leg behind me. Sitting down and standing up from a chair felt like climbing a mountain. I had no strength in my legs, and I often wished for a chair in front of me just to hold onto, in case I fell. Nights were the hardest—I remember crying quietly into my pillow every time I had to turn in bed, praying no one would hear me.

Today, I’m not what most would call “healthy,” but I’m far better than I was. And today, I had a victory.

We went out as a family for lunch. To reach our reserved table, I had to climb five stairs. Five steps—something so small for most people, but for me, it was monumental. Each step sent shooting pain through my legs, but I made it. I leaned on my sister to get down the stairs, but I didn’t break down crying. I got through it. Those five steps were everything.

The meal itself was wonderful. Good food, laughter, and togetherness. I even took pictures of all the dishes we ate. Funny enough, I used to judge people for photographing their food. But now, I see it differently. For me, it’s about capturing a happy memory. I don’t care if the photos are “Instagram-worthy”—I just want them for myself. Since I can’t go on the long walks I used to love, food has become my next best subject for photography. One of these days, I might even start sharing them online.

Leaving all that aside, today was a good day. Yes, I’m in some pain, and yes, I’m exhausted—but nothing I can’t handle. More importantly, I’m determined. I don’t want to go back to my “old self.” I want to become my better self. And with faith, family, and perseverance, I believe I will.