I do not like you! The image that stares back at me in the mirror. There is nothing about you that is worth anything! You look ugly, you are a fake and worst of all you are a failure! Your life is the definition of “waste”. The world would never know should you fade away from existence. And fade away you should. You bring nothing but pain and sadness. Today these are the rantings in my head.
I somehow managed to finish my work day. I distracted myself the whole day with mindless scrolling and binge watching series after series. But now that the silence has hit my as I sit to write I cannot breathe. I feel tired and exhausted. Even crying is difficult. I am in a constant state of war in my mind and the end doesn’t seem to arrive.
What should one do when their worst enemy resides in their head? What escape can you get form the constant taunts and insults?
God made me perfect I should not insult His creation. But I, human, took what He created and have trashed it completely.
What should I do? I need to heal. I feel guilty even saying life is difficult. But today, I have no energy to carry me through. I felt the dark cloud settling around me. I thought this time also I could overcome it but I failed. I am in the dark corner of my mind and the demons of my mind and crushing the air out of me.
Just one more day. Get through today. Sleep a little. Tomorrow you will have the strength to fight back and get out of this consistent state of hate. You may not feel the grass greener or the sky bluer. You may be still in your dark place but the demons will be silent once again. Maybe just long enough for your two steps forward before the step back happens again.
Word Hues 