Tag: broken

I Don’t Need You Anymore

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I don’t need you anymore.

All my life, I searched for your love in those eyes,
Fighting every day against every instinct,
Because standing alone was a hell I did not want to endure.

You defined every aspect of my life.
I learnt to walk a step behind and pace myself slower.
I wanted you to always see me there behind you when you needed me,
Because not being there for you would be my biggest failure.

I patiently waited in line.
Even though it was my right, I gave it up for your choice.
I made myself lower than I was
Because you wanted someone else higher.

I hoped that one day, just as I could read the pain in your eyes,
You would learn to break my walls and see mine too.
Even with me standing in front of you,
I was invisible to you.

Today, I am broken. I am blown to smithereens.
My heart has given up the wait.
I have learnt to see my own pain,
And I will fix my broken pieces.
Even with the scars, I will learn to live on.

I don’t need you anymore.

I have learnt to have a life without you in it.
Now, you being there makes no difference.
I have walked long enough at your pace.
Now I start to walk to my own tune.

I don’t need you anymore.

How Much More…

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.