The past few days were blissful. I took a break from blogging and all my online activities because I wanted to be present in the moment. I realized I had lost so many moments by isolating myself. Carrying the weight of my emotions had made me toxic. I was always angry—it became my defense mechanism. If I refused to talk to anyone, I wouldn’t have to tell them the truth. I just wanted to hide the pain for as long as possible. I didn’t realize the cost I was paying. On some days, I even felt I deserved it.
Now that the turbulence in my life has finally settled, I want to be happy even if I don’t feel I deserve it. I realized that my pain had been joy for someone else.
So, I took a break from all the pain to focus on my blessings. I spent time with my family. We went on a road trip! A long drive took us to a wellness center. There was some walking and climbing, which really drained me. The long drive made my leg swell, and every step was painful. I wanted to give up and return home, but somehow, by the Grace of God, I made it—and it was worth it. I didn’t need my phone to distract me. Instead, I sat with my family and spoke to them. I listened to many stories about my parents’ childhood and even my own. I don’t remember much from my childhood, so whenever my mother shares an incident I was part of, I end up asking her, “Was that really me?”
Normally, I sleep with a video playing on my phone to get through the night. But during the trip, I slept peacefully and woke up feeling refreshed. We had a camp fire, ate barbecue, laughed at the silly antics of my nephews. We sat hours looking a birds and squirrels. I sat for the whole sunset and it was amazing. I do not remember the last time that I did that.
I did have a small scare, though. I slipped in the bath. It was terrifying—the shampoo soap got into my eyes, and I couldn’t see. I fell on the floor and couldn’t get up. The pain in my legs was excruciating. I thought of calling my family to help me, but I didn’t want them to see me like that. So, I grabbed a towel, wiped away the soap, and forced myself to stand. It wasn’t easy; I kept losing my balance, but somehow I got back on my feet. I thanked God a million times and prayed earnestly that none of my bones were broken. The next day, I woke up with some pain from the fall, but it was tolerable. I thanked God once more for showing me that He may seem far, but He is always near.
I continued to enjoy the rest of the trip, and it was worth it—every single moment. I will always cherish it, and hopefully, next year I’ll go on another trip without the pain.
Word Hues 