Tag: tryagain

I stopped trying

Published on by wordhues1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
How do you manage screen time for yourself?
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A few years ago this question would not apply to me. I repelled from my phone. Many times, I lost track of my phone for days. I only remembered it when I needed to make a phone call.

Today, though, I use my phone for nearly the whole time I am awake! I need it to constantly play something even if I do not actually pay attention to what is playing.

I realized I was connected to my phone for too much time during the day. I started setting timers on the apps that I used the most. It worked for a little time.

But I stopped trying. I realized that using my phone helped me disconnect from the things that were bothering my mind. I have not gained anything by spending so much time on my phone. Furthermore, I have also become a procrastinator.

I accept that it may not be a healthy option, but it is the way I cope or deal with things. My mind is an overthinking machine. I could be seriously working or cooking. Meanwhile, my brain thinks of all the mistakes I made in my life. It tells me I am the reason for all my failures. It convinces me that I deserve whatever happened to me.

So if mindless scrolling is what I need to cope with right now I am going with it. Maybe I will gradually use my phone less. I will learn to accept my reality. I will be content with it. And then I will no longer need the mindless activities to keep my mind from attacking me.

Me

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What do you think gets better with age?

A little too cliche? I could say something like wine or cheese or any other thing. However, I’ve come to realise that the best version of me is always the tomorrow version of me.

Throughout my life, I’ve always had someone trying to advise me or teach me what is right and wrong. They do it to protect me to not make the same mistakes they did, but I have come to realise that my mistakes are the ones that teach me the best.

I have fallen into the most worst situations after not listening to the advice of my elders and notice that I end up, making the same mistakes over and over again. Till I finally draw the line myself,

I have learnt to work hard, even when everything feels like it’s crashing down on me. I have learnt not to hurt others just because I am hurting, I learnt that some days are filled with hopelessness, but you still keep fighting for that one day or one moment of happiness.

I think time has taught me to accept and move on. It has taught me that today is wrong, may just be tomorrow’s right.

I am grateful for what the years have taught me, and I am grateful for the years I may have left. I hope that everyone hold on and get to see the better version of themselves like I have.

Cry & Scream

Published on by wordhues7 Comments

I was taught “big girls don’t cry” when I turned 8. Fast forward through the years, every time I cried I was scolded.

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When I was younger, I was told that I had “crocodile tears” that were not sincere and so slowly I taught myself not to cry. I thought by not crying I was showing maturity. Little did I know that I was slowly piling up the all the hurt in my heart.

It took me some time to figure it out but crying is a reset button set by God for us to just cope with the negativity around us.

When I am tired of keeping that strong willed face for the world, I come back to my room and just cry and scream. That time I spend crying helps me acknowledge the pain I am feeling and helps me forgive myself for failing. It calms the rising tides of emotions in my heart well enough to give me the strength to pick up my broken pieces and face the world once again.

It does not matter who you are, what you have been told, or your circumstances — take a minute to cry, not to show the world, but for yourself. In my opinion, it’s the best recourse to take when you feel things are falling apart. Off load the pain a little bit to get the courage to carry on.

Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I’ll take a little more pain

Published on by wordhues1 Comment

I’ll take a little more pain,
If hurting me is what gets you to your feet,
I’ll take that pain.
If unloading your frustrations makes your day a little brighter,
I’ll take that pain.


If putting me down makes you stand a little taller.
I’ll take that pain.
If making me fell worthless is what you need to value yourself,
I’ll take that pain.


If blaming your failures on me is what gives you the courage to try again,
I’ll take that pain.
If silencing me is what gives you peace of mind,
I’ll take that pain.


If walking away from me is what you need to follow your dreams,
I’ll take that pain.
If breaking me down is what will build you back up,
I’ll take that pain.
I’ll take a little more pain to see you smile, dream and hope again!

You have No One

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Let’s be real, everyday I learn something new it could be life lessons or something I have to learn for classes or work.

Rather than something I have learnt it I want to share something I have realized. I have people who genuinely love me with no expectations and they try their best to protect me from harm. But sometime, even despite that I find myself alone.

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I am considered as the rebellious one because I always say what is on my mind. Or at least I did. I usually fight for things when I have a strong feeling about it. Often, I come out of the fight with a feeling of anger and a hidden feeling of grief. Over the years, I chose not to argue cause that did not hurt me further.

However, for crucial choices of my life, I gave into the what others wanted or more like needed. In the path of not wanting to stand out, I gave up pieces of my sanity. Today, when I want to get out of the bad situation, I have walls built by the very people who love me. I may be selfish thinking about myself only not worried about how my decision would effect others. But I think today I have reached the limit of my tolerance.

And so I realized that there are people who will support you in different decisions of your life but not all of them. To them, some of your choices may seem crazy and that is okay. Somedays you need to make the choices that make you happy, even if it means you have to make them alone.

Daily writing prompt
What is the last thing you learned?
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