Author: wordhues

You were there…

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Father, what have I done to deserve Your love?

Every time I fall, You are there to pick me up.
Every time I walk the wrong way, You always come to find me.
Every time I am broken with sorrow, You are there to hold me close.
Every time I feel that I can’t make it, You hold my hand and pull me over.
Every time I loose hope in things getting better, You give me a reason to be happy again.
Every time I feel alone, I feel that small tap on my shoulder and then, I see You with open arms.
Every time I am at my epitome of joy, You are still there cheering me on.
Every time I forget you, You silently wait for me to look over.
Every time I feel that no one can hear me, I hear that the that small voice saying “I’m here for you”.

Father teach me to love You like You love me.
Help me to always remember You are always there for me.
Jesus, make me worthy of Your Grace.

End to 2024

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It’s been 365 days since I started writing again. I thought it would be one habit that I continued. I started this year with a mindset of taking chances and trying again.

This year has been a hell of a mess. But I am still thankful. Despite all the horrible things that have happened in my life I still am thankful for the good things.

I was well aware of the dark cloud that surrounded me. I did not find meaning in anything I did. I was just going through the day. I felt dead inside. I did not want to live and some days wished that I would not wake up the next day.

The only reason I am alive today is Jesus. Even when I kept running away from Him, in the quiet silence he still had my back. Even with all my failures He kept fighting for me. He kept giving me reasons to be happy and people to love.

I know I am still carrying the pain from this year and it will take time for me to finally accept things as is and move on.

Probably, it’s a little cliche to make a resolution because it is the new year. I still am going to make one. I want to be better. On the path to being better, I am definitely going to hate myself. But if it can make me happier I will take a little grief.

All I need to do is breathe and remember why I started. I want to be better this year spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This time around I cannot fail.

Patience

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Daily writing prompt
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
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I always act first without thinking and then I always end up replaying the scenario in my head on how I could have handled it better.

I have always admired people who can handle their emotions well. They do not say things that hurt even if the other person is attacking them. How do they do it? When there is someone coming at you barking mad, it would take every ounce of patience to not lash back.

The choice to be calm in such situation takes a lot of maturity. I am trying to learn to be more patient. Now-a-days I at least try to listen to the other person before charging in with my words. Though I am trying to listen better, I still realize that I have not gotten better at listening to the conversation without letting the words affect me.

I want to be better and more patient. There are many times that I say things in anger that I don’t mean. It just takes a moment for the words to leave the mouth but it leaves the other person hurt every time they think about it.

I hate knowing that I am the reason for someone’s pain. I want to be a better person. The life in this world is hard enough. I do not want to be the reason that someone is pushed over the edge. There were people in my life who took me nearly to the edge. I just wanted the pain to end and was close to making some wrong choice.

It is at times like this that I thank Jesus for His presence in my life. Even after all the stupid things I do He takes care of me. Even when everyone in my life was spewing hurtful words He was there. I could feel His presence in my loneliness and I am grateful to have a chance to know that sacrifice He made for me.

Night Owl

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Daily writing prompt
Are you more of a night or morning person?
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I have always been a night person. Throughout my school years, I have preferred sitting late into the night to study.

When I was younger I thought it was because my sister woke up early in the morning. Since we shared one study table among us it just made sense to study at different times.

But over the years I have noticed that I am more productive in the late hours. I prefer the silence. There is no one else awake with me so I can do what I have to at a stretch without any interruptions.

Ironically, the first job I had was a night shift job which completely altered my sleep cycle. I initially liked working at night and then having the day to myself.

However, over the years I do realize the toll staying up at night has taken on my body. I am trying to switch over to being a morning person. I want to wake up earlier and finish more in the early hours of the day. I think by doing that I can feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day rather than the stress of not having done enough.

I am trying to sleep earlier and wake up earlier even if I feel tired. I want to start my day with a walk in the fresh air. I also want to cut down on my coffee intake and hopefully reduce my procrastination during the day.

Time will Tell

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Daily writing prompt
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
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I think my answer to this question will vary depending when I actually answer the question.

When I am in a more artistic mood, I would want to learn how to draw better. I want to learn how to draw portraits. The realistic kind with minute details.

When I am in an DIY mood, I would want to learn how to use power tools so that I can build something. Maybe a table or a small shelf.

When I am in a studious mood, I want to complete my ever piling syllabus. I want to focus and finish studying and also pass my exams.

When I am in an organizing mood, I want clean up each and every inch of the house I live. Also, I want to reorganize all the things in the house.

When I am in the cooking mood, I probably want to learn how to bake and cook new cuisines.

Or if I am in a lazy mood, I would just want to sleep!

Controversial Dislikes

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Daily writing prompt
Name your top three pet peeves.
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Pet peeves you say?

I think I am quite a judgmental person. I am trying to change that bad trait but I am not there yet. Because of this, I think my biggest pet peeve is optimistic visualization. I am more of the “hope for the best prepare for the worst” kind of person. I veer towards the worst case scenario and often default to hoping for nothing just so I do not get disappointed. When I meet someone who keeps pushing the agenda of Positive visualization it irks me. Life is about highs and lows. You are going to have bad days its only then that you appreciate the good days when they happen. If that person wants to believes in the best outcome always that is their choice but pushing that mindset onto somebody else gets frustrating.

Another thing that I dislike is extremely long nails. I think this comes from the hygiene perspective. I love making art and often times my nails get stained in the process. To get them clean after my artistic endeavors are a hassle. I often ended up scrubbing my hands over and over again till they are clean. I always wonder how to the people with long nails manage to keep them clean. Another question, how to they manage to do everyday things so easily. Kudos to those who are experts in handling those nails along with keeping them clean.

The last pet peeve I have is something about myself. I have curly hair baby hair on both sides of my head close to my temples. I hate it when they curl up. They look like little horns. The rest of my hair is wavy. Though my hair is extremely frizzy. I will any day take the frizz over those two horns on the side of my head. I end up either cutting them short or straitening the strands everyday just to get rid of the curls. I know its and odd peeve but what can I say I am weird! 🙂

That brings me to the end of my list. There are many more but since the post asks for top 3 I end the post here.

My Own Home

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Daily writing prompt
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
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Being the youngest in my family I have always been pampered. There was nothing ever that I needed and not got.

You never really appreciate what you have. You always want what others have. For a short while I had a place that I could call my home. And the feeling was just amazing. It was a strange place among strange people but I still managed to to find happiness.

I would not like to live in a place that is ravaged by wars or in a place where woman do not have equal rights. Other than that, I think I would love to call any place my home. And the only place that I would want to live is my home.

Too philosophical? Agreed! But no regrets! I stay with my words.

Photo by Kelly on Pexels.com

Identification Issues

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Daily writing prompt
Who is the most famous or infamous person you have ever met?
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I would not recognize a famous person even if they hit me in the face.

Being an inherent introvert I usually choose to avert peoples eyes so that I do not have to talk to them. Overtime I have switched to being an ambivert, so I do talk to people now when situations demand it. However, now I am faced with another challenge. No matter how hard I try, placing faces to the situations I met them in has become a mounting issue for me.

And to that effect, I am sure that even though I have met some famous people along the way I just cannot connect their names to the faces in person. I mean, I was outside the Grammy venue and all I remember was being under dressed and the amount of security around the place.

So unfortunately, their is no name that I can give for now.

Everything

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Daily writing prompt
What is good about having a pet?
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In my opinion everything about having a pet is amazing!

There will be some that will disagree especially when you see your ripped clothes or have your furniture peed on.

But for me, all that is just small things. No matter what mood I am in, my puppy always knows how to make things better. I do not know how.

On days that I come home after a grueling day at work, he runs around me in circles. Then, he runs straight at me. He makes all the exhaustion from the day just vanish. I end up playing with him and feeling energized.

Sometimes when I sit and cry, he slowly crawls into my lap and licks away my tears. He puts his head on my shoulder and keeps it there till I stop crying.

When I watch him running in his sleep or watch him trying to catch a mosquito it instantly brings a smile to my face.

To those who feel alone in this world even with everyone around do try to adopt a pet. They don’t use words. They do not understand what you are going through but they try their best to fill your void.

Chemistry

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Daily writing prompt
What was your favorite subject in school?
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I have strayed far away from a career in my favorite subject – chemistry.

There was a time when you could wake me up in the middle of the night and I would be able to draw complex compound structures without missing a second.

I was fascinated by how the different chemicals reacted with each other and resulted in a whole different type of chemical at the end. The experiments were just amazing!

I loved the different colors and reactions of the experiments. Though the smells from the experiments were not very… pleasant… it never deterred me from the beakers and test tubes of the chemistry lab.