Author: wordhues

Just Me, Myself and I

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My ideal day… Now that is something I always think about. Let’s start from the beginning.

Phase 1: Energize
Wake up at 6 am. I know that is early but I love the morning air. I want to go out for a walk at that time and I don’t want other people to be there. Just cause it would beat the purpose of relaxing. After the walk, I want a nice cup of warm hot chocolate. Then sit out on the balcony in a fuzzy blanket and just want the sun rising listening to some calming music.

Phase 2: Fueling
My ideal breakfast is a Toasted bread with sausage and bacon. It is my comfort meal. I love it! It makes the whole day just happier. After breakfast, maybe finish up some of the basic chores at home

Phase 3: Meditate
For the early part of the day I prefer to visit a museum or art gallery or even a nice park. Where there is no noise of the busy streets. I can just sit down and get lost in the castles of my mind.

Phase 4: Enjoy
I probably would skip lunch for a nice cup of Java. After that, a movie! But let’s get specific, I want to go for a movie in an empty theatre. The movie can be a an unpopular one I am okay with that. I just want to be able to look at my phone and laugh loud and sit in the best seat in the theatre without troubling anyone. Oh and theatre food! Cheese Nachos! I know popcorn is the go to but I just prefer nachos.

Phase 5: Unwind
After the movie, a cab ride back home and a soaking bath in the tub. I personally wind down at that time and often take a little nap. After the bath, I would watch one of the TV series that are part of my every increasing list. I prefer light hearted series at night mostly veering towards K-Dramas. With the binge watching I would love to draw or paint and update my journal.

Phase 6: Indulge
After that, probably dinner. Dinner could be anything but it has to end with an ice cream. If not something special, I usually prefer Haagen-Dazs Belgium chocolate. And with dinner, I would continue to watch the TV series.

Phase 7: Settle Down
The best part is always for the last! Take to the warm bed. Clean up everything from the whole day and then just tuck myself under the warm blankets and keep the TV series on till I fall asleep. It is a good thing that most of the online platforms have auto turn off or else my electricity bills would run high!

This kind of day I would not want it everyday though. Just once in a while. I think I appreciate more because it doesn’t happen that often. A day like this would give me the strength to get through the bad days. Besides, no matter how much stress my work brings I actually like working so “relaxing everyday” might not be a concept I can get behind.

Daily writing prompt
Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.
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Today I am a Different Person

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Every single thing that has happened in my life has change the way I approach things.

In my opinion everyone is born with the hope, joy and positive energy. Well at least whenever I see a baby everything seems a whole lot happier. But time and circumstances change our perspective to life.

I loved anything shinny and bright. I was the kind that believed in unicorns and time travel. I loved watching silly rom-coms and movies that showed the power of good over evil. I genuinely believed that magic was present in the world, I believed butterflies were tiny fairies and that frogs could turn into princes.

Then, you grow up a little. People who you consider family hurt you, people you consider friends betray you and people you love destroy you. And every single time that one of this happens it takes away a little magic in your life.

Little by little all the light fades away and then you find yourself groping in the dark. Hoping and praying that you don’t disintegrate into pieces. Some of us stop right there and fade away into the monotony that the world or people set for us.

But sometimes, we learn to try again. We take that one last chance out of desperation and then the single ray of light floods back in. I am not bright and hopefully today like I was when I was a child. Today, I am cautiously hopefully and determined to make a way for myself.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

My way is different and no one understands it completely. But even then I am happy enough for today.

Daily writing prompt
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
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It was on Me…

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Each time we fought you got hurt but the scars were left on my heart,
Each time we shared secrets you were relieved but I was always burdened.
Each time we consoled each other you recovered but I sank further in,
Each time I tried never to be the same I always failed and never did really change,
Each time you shed tears some fell from mine but I never let you notice,
Each time I fell I tried to get up on my own as I did not wan to be an obstacle in your way,

In your happiness I was happy but when I was sad no one cared,
I thought of you as my driving force for living,
As days went by I was no more part of your life,
When the words you spoke made me sad I hid the tears that fell from my eyes for which I always regret,
I once was an open book but as time passed I closed up myself,
I never told you what you said hurt me but hoped you would realize but never did,
I waited and waited for you to notice but you showed no signs of it,

So I accept it was my mistake,
I hurt you, I made you cry but I hoped you would always remain mine,
But now I know your happiness is not with me,
I just want to say I am sorry,
I can’t say anything else because you were and are my everything,
I am sorry for everything I have have said and done,
Please forgive me if you can and hope that you will give a place in a corner of your life again.

The Battle not yet Won

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First and foremost I do not have a proper to do list. I keep things thinking that I should make one before I start the day and ensure that I have met all my goals by the end. However, the list is only written in the books of my mind which disappears when the next thought comes to my mind.

Despite this, the one thing I know that I really need to do is to “clean the attic”. From my childhood I think I am so what of a hoarder. I can’t let go of sentimental things. Even if the sentiments is of others rather than mine. If i know something is special to someone in my family I keep it safe till they choose to throw it out themselves.

My attic has years of things that I have “kept safe”. I feel that now since I have grown up a little in my mind I have understood that only when you let go of some of the old can I make space for new.

I definitely do not mean that everything old needs to be thrown out. I love keep sakes to remind me of happy memories but the piles of old notes that I have stored away just in case I might need to refer back to them. Or the clothes that I purchased once upon a time with the hope that I will fit in to them is just not worth the space.

Sooner that later I am gonna have to get to it. I have a battle to conquer with masks, brooms and boxes to allocate to trash and thrift. I have not got to it yet. But I am going to one day :). Unless of course another relocation will force me to downsize on my clutter sooner than later.

Daily writing prompt
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
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Brewing Recipes

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I really love watching cooking shows and food shows on TV. I enjoy listening to the innovative food recipes the people on these shows come up with. However, I do not have a good taste palate.

I may not understand the different taste profiles but I love cooking food though. I think prefer cooking anything non-vegetarian. I love trying new recipes and making food that my wants.

But the meal that I love making the most is “Fried chicken”. It’s what Minny Jackson said on The Help – “Frying chicken make you tend to feel better about life”.

It took time.. trying many recipes from online. To finally figure out the recipes that made the chicken skin crispy while being cooked all the way through and mostly importantly without it getting it burnt.

With the fried chicken I also love to make potato cheese balls and toasted garlic bread. The combination it just heavenly. It’s my description of comfort food. And when I make them everyone in the family eats them with relish. The family that usually runs in different directions when it comes to favorite cuisine always comes together to enjoy it.

I also love baking. I bake cookies, cakes, biscuits anything with chocolate in it. Yet again, though I love only dark chocolate I love making chocolate goodies for my nephews.

Hopefully, in the future I can learn to appreciate all kinds of cuisine and also learn to make it.

Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite thing to cook?
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Seems Ages Ago

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Computers were a luxury once upon a time. A magic machine that did things that were so so unimaginable.

My father bought the first computer home when I was 12 years old. I remember him carrying all the way from the store back home. When he reached home he was all sweaty and exhausted. I remember seeing the smile on his face. My sister and I never asked for it but that he got it for us made is even more special.

My father connected it and switched it on. It took quite sometime to boot. The screen opened to Windows 2000 which at that time was a big leap from the earlier Windows 98. I remember the Viewsonic monitor with the little birds logo at the corner of the screen. Always thought it was lovebirds guess they were actually something else.

The computer was so bulky back then. The CPU was a huge box of metal and the heat it emitted was something else. The monitor took up half the study table. We bought a computer table because there was no space for the keyboard and the mouse. All of which was wired to the back of the CPU. Oh and the mouse! there was a trackball for the mouse. We had to regularly open the mouse up and clean the dust off for the mouse to keep scrolling properly. The keyboard was so hard each key was like a stone against the fingers.

I remember the time it took to download a single music file. Watching a video was out of the question I doubt that Youtube was even launched. They are such vague memories. I really can’t believe it those memories have become so insignificant but for my child heart they were so important.

We were so mesmerized by the machine. We did have computers at our school but to have one at home was absolutely the best. My father may not have provide the luxuries in life but he give me everything I need sometimes at the cost of his own happiness. My mother loved watching her children adore their father.

I don’t remember much about the computer as such but I remember the memories associated with it. At that age I may not have appreciated what was done for me but I am glad that I realize it now. I am extremely grateful to my parents for teaching me the value of hard work. It has allowed me to truly understand the sacrifice they have made for me over the years.

Daily writing prompt
Write about your first computer.
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Making a Habit

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I am a serial procrastinator. I sometimes astonish myself at the level of laziness I have. I can go days achieving absolutely nothing in life. It’s not because I don’t have goals for myself. I do. I noticed that the fervor that I have when I am in a particular moment does not replicate when the time to actually works towards it comes around.

I accounted everything to laziness and that everything in life came to me easy and that I did not want to strive for it. But then like most non medical professionals I sought to find my answers on the internet.

Apparently, procrastination is a disruptive mental health issue. I don’t have a great general knowledge but sometimes I like reading about certain topics. So, I researched a little further to understand the cause and how to get better. My experience with depression has made me realize that you may not be able to avoid situations completely but you can always manage the impact of it.

There were few things that I could relate to with the causes : Perfectionism and Disconnection from the Future.

I needed things to be just right. It can’t be done as “Not so bad”. It has to be of the level that it garners appreciation on the efforts. So, when I did not meet my expectations I gave up. 

Future, Hopes and Dreams. I had given up on it all. I felt that there was no point. I had nothing worth fighting for.

Today, I am trying again. I am going to make good habits of things I want to get done. I need to force myself to do it every day till my body learns that it needs to do it. Hopefully, soon I will make constant steady seps to my goals.
I have completed month 1 of writing my blog and learning a new language. Hopefully, by the end of this year I will have a set of 10 to 12 habits than will bring me closer to my goals.

Breathe Again

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Since I have missed on a couple of the daily prompts guess now onwards will be the challenge to continue writing everyday.

It seemed appropriate to start with why I started the blog. Initially, it was just about a social media presence. I restarted my blog when I had a complete reset. I realized that though in daily life I am quiet silent I had a lot to say. I chose to stay alone because I felt that no one could understand me. Then, I started writing poems as a way to manage my emotions, fear.. Sometimes when I read them over I feel that those words have absorbed the pain.

I hope that maybe someone out there can read and realize that suffocating feeling happens to many. And most of them if not all choose to bear it in silence so that the people they love don’t feel their pain.

I hope that my little insignificant blog would help them to remember to keep breathing. It may hurt bad for sometime but slowly you learn to find a way to smile despite that. You don’t bury the pain away, but rather acknowledge it. You learn to breathe again!

Certificates to be stored away

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I have gone to a business school and personally I don’t think it added to my professional capability in any way. I took a break from school to work and earn enough to go to college hoping that once I have a degree it would make me better at my job.

Fast forward, after completing my graduation and working for some years, I figured out that it was never about what was taught in the four walls of the lecture hall or the high GPA. It was always about how you as an individual figured things out. I apply about 5 % of what I learnt at my workplace. Everything else that I do is about trial and error.

My parents say a child never knows the flame can burn unless they actually touch it and feel the heat. Experiences is what makes one successful. I am extremely thankful for my experiences that has helped me grow.

I have learnt that some days even when you are right you would have to wait to be right. I learnt that anyone can have an education but only few get knowledge. I learnt that sometimes working in silence is the most offensive response you can give. And most importantly. that knowledge has to be shared without the fear of someone getting ahead.

As far as my degrees go, they are locked away somewhere in the bottom drawer of my cabinet. They gather dust and age serving as reminders that how the importance of certain things keep changing over time.

So, to all the students out there get your degrees, you may not come in first in college and that is okay. A degree does not define you, your personality and attitude does and you should never forget to build and improve on that.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What colleges have you attended?
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Keepsakes

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For me many things trigger memories and I have accumulated a lot of keepsakes to remind me of the happy moments. People say that you never forget the happy memories if you truly cherish them. But sometimes when we are emotionally worn-down and every single thing in the world feels like a burden it is those keepsakes that help me remember.

I have kept old photos, old toys, small notes passed between classes, and gifts given by friends. They remind me of a time where I loved everything about my life, where the burdens of the world did not weigh me down and each and every moment was an opportunity to feel loved and feel joy.

To name one, I have a picture a of view outside the very same window that my sister had taken over 5 years ago. The pictures shows the changes that has occurred to the landscape. Earlier there was probably two sky scrapers at a distance but in my picture those very same sky scrapers look like a tiny building.

Those set of pictures really remind me on how many things have changed over the years. Whether you consider it good or bad that really depends, but change, happens.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you feel nostalgic?
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