Dreams and its Manifestations

I am glad today that I have started dreaming again. In my opinion, you only have dreams when you have hope, and if you had spoken to me a year ago, I probably had no hope. That slowly killed any dreams I had. Now, come to think of it, I have revived some of my old dreams and added a few new ones to the list.

There are many dreams I hold — some tied to reality, others to fantasy. But here is a question: do I say my dream out loud to manifest it, or do I work in silence and revel in it materializing into reality? Here’s to throwing caution to the wind. My dream is to have a home of my own and to be a writer. These are definitely the most outrageous ones on my list.

Writing has always been my passion. I do not need to be a full-time author, but to even write something that others would like to read would be enough. I want to open doors to new worlds of imagination just like books have done for me. As a child, I didn’t understand the world and its problems — everything felt too life-altering. In that small frame of mind, books gave me an escape from reality. They showed me characters of great strength, worlds where magic was possible, and how a protagonist could change the world.

But my dream of writing is not only about stories. It is about leaving behind pieces of myself in words that might comfort someone else, or spark reflection in a stranger. It is about capturing fleeting emotions before they vanish, giving them permanence in sentences. Writing is my way of building bridges between my inner world and the minds of others. It is also my declaration of individuality — a space where no one dictates the rhythm of my sentences or the worlds I create. In writing, I find the same freedom I long for in a home of my own.

The other dream I have always kept close to my heart is the dream of a house of my own. It is a strong desire to express my individuality. I am the youngest at home, and in my family the elders always hold sway in decisions. I do have a room of my own, and one would say that is a luxury in itself. However, I cannot change anything in the room without permission from my parents or elder sister. Not that it is a bad thing — I tend to make impulsive decisions — but I would really like to decorate my home to match my aesthetics. Our family home is my mother’s space, and I would not want to disrupt her image of a perfect home. Yet seeing her has also inspired me. It is one reason I want to make a space of my own, free of the influences of my family, where every corner reflects me.

Making a Habit

I am a serial procrastinator. I sometimes astonish myself at the level of laziness I have. I can go days achieving absolutely nothing in life. It’s not because I don’t have goals for myself. I do. I noticed that the fervor that I have when I am in a particular moment does not replicate when the time to actually works towards it comes around.

I accounted everything to laziness and that everything in life came to me easy and that I did not want to strive for it. But then like most non medical professionals I sought to find my answers on the internet.

Apparently, procrastination is a disruptive mental health issue. I don’t have a great general knowledge but sometimes I like reading about certain topics. So, I researched a little further to understand the cause and how to get better. My experience with depression has made me realize that you may not be able to avoid situations completely but you can always manage the impact of it.

There were few things that I could relate to with the causes : Perfectionism and Disconnection from the Future.

I needed things to be just right. It can’t be done as “Not so bad”. It has to be of the level that it garners appreciation on the efforts. So, when I did not meet my expectations I gave up. 

Future, Hopes and Dreams. I had given up on it all. I felt that there was no point. I had nothing worth fighting for.

Today, I am trying again. I am going to make good habits of things I want to get done. I need to force myself to do it every day till my body learns that it needs to do it. Hopefully, soon I will make constant steady seps to my goals.
I have completed month 1 of writing my blog and learning a new language. Hopefully, by the end of this year I will have a set of 10 to 12 habits than will bring me closer to my goals.