Tag: procrastination

Day 204: Coming back from the Haze

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For a hundred days, I felt like I was in a state of limbo. I don’t even know how the time slipped by. What did I accomplish in the past three months? Nothing—literally nothing.

My initial determination to avoid binge shopping and be content with what I already had completely collapsed. I started buying random things—items I had kept on my wishlist for months, only to remove them from my cart because I knew I didn’t really need them. All my reasoning was gone. I was filling a hole inside me.

Yes, I bought a few things I needed, but compared to the junk, it was nothing. I loved the dopamine rush of opening parcels from online shopping sites, even though I knew it wasn’t healthy.

I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped drawing and doing anything related to art. I stopped studying. Even at work, I don’t know what I was really doing. It felt like I just slept and woke up, over and over again.

There were ups and downs that felt like whiplash. I know I’m struggling, and I’m aware my coping mechanisms aren’t good. My wallet has taken a hit, and now sleepless nights have returned. I can’t fall asleep until 2 or 3 a.m., and I can’t sleep past 8. Some days I barely sleep 3–4 hours, while other days I want to sleep all day.

Procrastination has defined these past months—extreme procrastination. My mind kept telling me to do things, but another part of me always said, “Forget it, let’s just do it tomorrow.” But tomorrow never came.

I’ve lost six months of 2026. But I still have six months left to try again. I cannot give up on myself. I am not perfect, and I never will be—and that’s okay. What matters is being the best I can be.

So here’s to starting again. You fall, you fail, but you still need to try again. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. I’m praying for the will to begin again.

Day 99: Jigsawing a plan

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I’ve never considered myself an organized person. In fact, I often admire those who can plan their day and stick to it with discipline. They seem to move through life with clarity, while I stumble through mine with hesitation. This morning, I decided to try something new—I sat down to make a daily schedule. Deep down, I know I might fail at following it, but I want to become someone who honors her commitments.

The idea of a schedule feels both exciting and intimidating. On one hand, it promises structure and progress. On the other, it raises endless questions: how do I divide my day between home duties, work, studies, and rest? Eight hours are already reserved for sleep, leaving sixteen to be split wisely. Do I study in the morning when my mind is fresh, or at night when the world is quiet? How much time should I give to chores, and where do I fit in my art projects—the one thing that brings me joy? Sometimes, I feel I waste more time planning than actually doing.

After watching countless productivity videos, I’ve realized a few truths about myself:

  • First, I get anxious when I make plans. I imagine everything that could go wrong before I even begin. I need to remind myself that missing one task doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined. Progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency.
  • Second, I am inherently lazy. Having had many things handed down to me, I never truly learned the discipline of effort. Procrastination has become a habit, almost an addiction. I know I need to break it. Maybe limiting my screen time again could help—it worked once before, and perhaps it can work again.
  • Third, I am easily distracted. I’ve reached a point where I can’t do anything without background noise. I replay old series I’ve already watched, convincing myself I don’t need to pay attention, but it still pulls me away from focus. Silence feels uncomfortable, yet I know it’s necessary for deep work.

Despite these challenges, I want to dive into the deep end. I want to build habits that last, even if they start small. I want to learn to sit with silence, to push through laziness, and to quiet the anxiety that comes with planning. My hope is that one day, I’ll look back and be proud of myself—not for being perfect, but for finally breaking free from the cycle of procrastination and distraction.

For now, I’ll take it one step at a time. A schedule may not transform me overnight, but it can be the first brick laid in the foundation of a more disciplined life. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll discover that organization isn’t about rigid control—it’s about creating space for the things that matter most.

Making a Habit

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I am a serial procrastinator. I sometimes astonish myself at the level of laziness I have. I can go days achieving absolutely nothing in life. It’s not because I don’t have goals for myself. I do. I noticed that the fervor that I have when I am in a particular moment does not replicate when the time to actually works towards it comes around.

I accounted everything to laziness and that everything in life came to me easy and that I did not want to strive for it. But then like most non medical professionals I sought to find my answers on the internet.

Apparently, procrastination is a disruptive mental health issue. I don’t have a great general knowledge but sometimes I like reading about certain topics. So, I researched a little further to understand the cause and how to get better. My experience with depression has made me realize that you may not be able to avoid situations completely but you can always manage the impact of it.

There were few things that I could relate to with the causes : Perfectionism and Disconnection from the Future.

I needed things to be just right. It can’t be done as “Not so bad”. It has to be of the level that it garners appreciation on the efforts. So, when I did not meet my expectations I gave up. 

Future, Hopes and Dreams. I had given up on it all. I felt that there was no point. I had nothing worth fighting for.

Today, I am trying again. I am going to make good habits of things I want to get done. I need to force myself to do it every day till my body learns that it needs to do it. Hopefully, soon I will make constant steady seps to my goals.
I have completed month 1 of writing my blog and learning a new language. Hopefully, by the end of this year I will have a set of 10 to 12 habits than will bring me closer to my goals.