Writing has always been my de-stressing solution. I think it gave me some stability to the emotional turmoil in my mind.
I set a time clock for myself. I knew that writing was the first thing that would bring me back. It would give me even a semblance of what I used to be.
I don’t want to be as oblivious as I used to be. However, I do want to be the person who used to find a reason to smile everyday. Not a fake smile or a forced one but rather on that comes out of genuine joy. I want to look at the positive side of things.
Today was a little bit difficult, my mind was pushing against me. It was like – “Is there even a point?” , “No one cares”. But I made it through, I charged my laptop and logged on my day.
This may not be an inciteful blog post but it is me pushing myself to be better.
I do not travel much. My inherent fear of getting lost always holds me back.
When I do choose to travel, it is always to places I have wanted to visit for a long time. I love every place that I have visited. I usually prefer visited calm places that is not very crowded.
The latest places I visited was the Descanso Gardens. Instead of going in the evening when people come to see the light show, I went in the morning. I took a break from the work week and I went to calm my mind. What I thought would be a quick visit I ended up walking around for 4 hours. I never even realized.
The nature that surrounded me was just amazing. No worry about people or the worries that were plaguing my mind. There were so many people out there just for walks and most of them greeted me with a smile.
I would definitely suggest it to people who love to walk. It’s perfect for those wanting just a break from the daily hustle of life.
Today was a little bit difficult. I had to go out to deal with some personal stuff. Then I spent the rest of the day distracting myself.
I did not get anything much done. In fact, I did not want to get anything done. I spoke to my sister about my health and took a reality check with her. It was good. I may have not dealt with every challenge of today but I dealt with at least one.
Writing this blog was a struggle. Part of me just wanted to switch off and drift into a lazy day of scrolling. But then I remembered that this blog was the one thing I wanted to be consistent. Enforcing good habits one at a time.
a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.
b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.
c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.
d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.
e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.
I personally prefer non-vegetarian food over vegetarian food. I think its cause at home, there was always some non vegetarian food made.
I have seen enough videos online to know that this is a polarizing issue. I have no intention to add fuel to that fire.
But taking a step back truthfully I am grateful for any meal that is on my table. I am believe to each his own. Everyone is different and grew up in different circumstances. As long as you don’t take for advantage the privilege of choice – “to eat what you prefer” it does not matter what you eat. Further, someone being different from you does not give you the right to impose your opinion on them.
Taking another step back, Vegetarian or Non Vegetarian it does not matter. The only thing that can evoke feelings about food is an associated memory. I don’t remember every dish I eat, neither do I remember the most costly food I have eaten.
I mostly remember the food I ate sneakily in the back of the classroom. It’s the food that my sister made for the first time. There is also the burnt food we salvaged after mom forgot the stove was on during family conversations. These are the foods I love. These are the food that evokes feelings in me.
Today was a good day. I woke up at the first alarm rather than snoozing it to kingdom come. Let me tell you, that was no easy feat given the freezing temperatures and the warm cocoon of my blankets. Still, I made myself get up and let my feet touch the cold floor.
After months of putting it off, I finally ran a cycle of laundry and set the clothes out to dry. It wasn’t easy, but I paced myself, took breaks, and got through it.
Later, I gave myself something even more important: time to speak with a friend. I needed to let out what was in my heart. I wanted to talk openly about my fears and worries without burdening my family. Breaking down in front of them feels difficult—I’ve always been the stoic one, the person with logical reason when things go wrong. But today, speaking to my friend gave me the space to acknowledge my fears and reaffirm my hope for a good life.
Accessorizing has always been my favorite way to express myself. Out of everything I wear, earrings and bracelets hold a special place in my heart.
I adore fancy earrings because they bring life to my otherwise understated wardrobe. Most of the time, I prefer plain-colored clothes—no patterns, no bold contrasts. But that simplicity gives me the perfect canvas to highlight statement earrings. They instantly elevate my look, adding a touch of personality and flair.
Bracelets are another accessory I can’t get enough of, especially those in the Pandora style. There’s something about the weight on my wrist and the delicate charms that makes them feel both elegant and personal. I love how each charm tells a little story, and together they create a piece that feels uniquely mine.
One thing I’ve always wanted to master is layering bracelets. I always feel wearing more than one is going over board. But hopefully soon, I can learn how to do it well.
For me, accessorizing isn’t just about fashion—it’s about adding joy, confidence, and a little sparkle to everyday life.
There are moments in life when the weight of reality feels heavier than ever. For a long time, I didn’t think much about how long I had in this world. It didn’t matter to me. But now, just as I began to hope for a long and fulfilled life, things have taken a different turn—and it hurts.
I find myself battling with my own thoughts, ashamed that I let things get so bad. I know I’ve caused pain to my family, and the one thing I always wished was that they would never have to bury me. That thought alone feels like the worst punishment I could give them. And yet, facing the possibility of it, I realize I need to live better—not just survive. I want to take care of my health, to be stronger, and to leave behind good memories for the people I love most.
I don’t know if my family will ever read these words, but if you do, I want you to know something: I love you. Even if I don’t say it often, even if harsh words have been exchanged, my love for you has never changed. I have always felt your love, even in moments of loneliness. Despite the walls I built around myself, I knew you were there, waiting for me.
If I leave this world before you, I am deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused. If I could start my life over again with you, I would. But I am not ungrateful—I’ve had a better life than many, and a longer one than most.
From here on, I want to take things one day at a time. To be better than I was yesterday—in my faith, in my family, and in my dreams.
I am a calculated impulsive buyer. I do not know if that makes sense.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
It’s just that when I really want to buy something especially if the item in question is on the higher end of my usual spending bracket I take my time.
The “take my time” statement does not make sense when I call my self impulsive. Self Contradictory. To put things into perspective, the desire to buy is impulsive. As soon as I see something I like I want to buy it! The only thing that restricts me is my need for financial stability.
I end up saving for the item first. I take my time and restrict my expenses to the come up with the money to buy it. Sometimes by the time I save the money the item is out of the market and I loose the chance to buy it. However, on the other hand there are few items that I did end up buying.
My largest spends till date are: my Samsung Flip phone, my iPad and my Sony Camera. These may not be “pricey” according to some peoples standards but with my education expenses buying even these were a challenge.
Totally worth the wait and worth the cost! I think the wait to buy it made the actual purchase even more special!
Growing up is never fun. I guess it’s worse when circumstances push you towards it.
Being the younger child I am the family baby. My parents protected me all through my life and my sister always went above and beyond to shield me from every pain.
Life had a different path set for me. When I was 14, I saw my mother fall sick. I saw her working through her pain and exhaustion to provide for her children. And then, I saw her body fail her. She forced herself to get up and pretend everything was okay but I somehow I realized that she was hiding the truth.
I remember walking into the hospital with her when she finally could not push herself any longer. I remember her on the hospital bed talking and explaining her issues to the doctor. After that, it was like a switch. She slowly started fading. It like her mind finally was exhausted holding on and then she started getting worse. My sister and father were unable to be with us at that time. So I sat at the side of my mamma’s bed, alone, seeing her struggling to breathe. Every time she woke up she told me she is okay but I could see her fading away, I could see the color of her skin change, I could see her slowly loose her appetite, I could see her fighting to stay alive.
My mother thought that I was small and that I did not understand anything but I remember every update the doctors gave. I realized the possibility that I could loose my mother. I used to cry when I showered so that no one would know that I was crying. I did not want my mamma to worry about me. I could see that she was in pain and there was nothing I could do to get her out of it.
I realized that seeing her in pain was far worse than the pain of loosing her. I tried to grow up to be stronger. When my sister and father were able to join us I sought to be the person they could rely on. I held my sister when she broke down crying in worry and told her that we need to be strong for mamma. When my father put his hands around my shoulder I told him that we were a family and that together we can face anything. In those moments I knew I could not be the person that is been taken care of rather I needed to be the person who took care of others. I took it upon me to stir conversations away from the gloom and glum. I know that the worry will always be there in the back of their mind but for those few minutes I wanted them to remember the happiness.
By a miracle, I got my mother back and lets be clear there have been many close calls after. But today, I am not fearful, I am determined to be the wall to fall back on. There is no circumstance that my family would have to face alone. I will be the courage they need to continue.
To all the Children who grew up to soon, I may have been hell but you got through it. Your courage and determination is beyond comprehension. I hope that you get to have days in your life to relive the innocence of a child.
Word Hues 