I cannot out right say that I am a good judge of someone’s character.
There are days that I am on the more skeptical side of my nature and tend hone into that when deciding to trust someone. On the other hand, there are days that even if I am hit with red flags on after the other I give the person the benefit of doubt and make.. for a lack of a better word “Stupid” assumptions about the person.
I think I tend to be skeptical when others rely on me to make the right choices. I do not want to make the wrong choices which would end up putting others in trouble. I am more cautious and guarded when it comes to the people I love. I am down right territorial. I live the words “You want to hurt them, you go through me.”
Its ironic when you think of it. If my incorrect judgment will only affect me its like there are blinders on my common sense. I think I go by the policy, as long as I am the only one who gets hurt, it doesn’t matter. Not a very self preserving policy.
So in conclusion, I am a good judge of character when I have to protect someone and terrible judge when I have to protect myself.
I believe I am moderately creative. I love reading, writing and drawing. One would assume that being creative is something that comes quite naturally.
However, I have realized that when it comes to drawing I find it difficult to convert my imagination to reality. I keep detailing things out in my head but find it difficult to get it to the actual paper. I realize that some of the difficulty could relate to the fact that I do not have the required skill. Though, I think most of the time it is due to my lack of focus.
I have so many ideas in my head. Would you consider me creative if there is no tangible proof of my creation?
I am taking baby steps. One thing at a time. I want to learn the skills that can finally put me on the path to convert my imagination into beautiful paintings or story.
I am hoping 2025 to be a year of good change. Given that, there is a lot of things I want change about myself.
I am well aware of the short comings I have. I know that I have a tendency to procrastinate. Yes, over the past 2 years there were lots of personal circumstances that have put me in a very dark place. But, I want to be me again. I have realized that to give up on the bad habits I need to start adopting new ones.
The top three things I want to change about myself is:
Healthier Habits I am not a healthy person. I tend to eat a lot of junk and avoid the nutritious food. I feel lazy in the mornings and choose to switch off my alarm and sleep a little while longer. I want to start to eat healthier and also to include some sort of excercise in my everyday. Maybe take up walking or meditation.
Work Life balance I am sort of a work-a-holic. I tend to work as long as it takes for the work to be done. I work late into the night which makes me too tired to wake up early in the morning. I do not end up having time for anything. I want to make an effort to have a life outside office.
Be more Perceptive to Others When I am not in a good mood I become very self focused. I do not give space for other’s feelings. I want to be the person who can find space for others problems. I want someone that they can lean on when they feel tired with their situation. I know this probably would be my biggest challenge. But, I feel this is necessary for me to start to be a better person.
Fingers Crossed when I write the last blog of the year I actually have made the changes. Here we go 2025!
I do not like you! The image that stares back at me in the mirror. There is nothing about you that is worth anything! You look ugly, you are a fake and worst of all you are a failure! Your life is the definition of “waste”. The world would never know should you fade away from existence. And fade away you should. You bring nothing but pain and sadness. Today these are the rantings in my head.
I somehow managed to finish my work day. I distracted myself the whole day with mindless scrolling and binge watching series after series. But now that the silence has hit my as I sit to write I cannot breathe. I feel tired and exhausted. Even crying is difficult. I am in a constant state of war in my mind and the end doesn’t seem to arrive.
What should one do when their worst enemy resides in their head? What escape can you get form the constant taunts and insults?
God made me perfect I should not insult His creation. But I, human, took what He created and have trashed it completely.
What should I do? I need to heal. I feel guilty even saying life is difficult. But today, I have no energy to carry me through. I felt the dark cloud settling around me. I thought this time also I could overcome it but I failed. I am in the dark corner of my mind and the demons of my mind and crushing the air out of me.
Just one more day. Get through today. Sleep a little. Tomorrow you will have the strength to fight back and get out of this consistent state of hate. You may not feel the grass greener or the sky bluer. You may be still in your dark place but the demons will be silent once again. Maybe just long enough for your two steps forward before the step back happens again.
This quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald is my most favorite quote.
I first heard this quote when I was watching the TV series “Criminal Minds” and it instantly resonated with me.
We all like a hero’s story of victory but little to we understand the ordeal that individual overcame to be that “hero”. Some of my friends told me that this sounds like a very negative quote. They said the quote focuses on the point that no hero has a happy backstory.
But in my opinion, I think the quotes shifts the focus from the end of the journey to the journey in itself. Yes, the hero is the victor at the end, however, it was the struggles that defined him. Everyone loves to have that happy conclusion to the story. When victory is achieved you always find throes of people following you. But it is in the long arduous journey that you find yourself lonely. You find true friends and realize your courage to face the obstacles that were stacked up against you.
Every failure, every setback is what defines you. Two steps forward one step back. Every little experience defines your character. How you deal with every circumstance that comes your way is what makes you a hero or a villain.
I am still on the journey to being a hero not for others but for myself. Hoping that someday I can be someone’s hero too.
What is your favorite quote? What does it mean to you? Please do share links to your post in the replies.
I love writing and talking about most things under the sky. I never knew there would be a topic that can leave me completely stumped.
I think no one can immediately come up with things about themselves. I am going to try. They may not all make sense but these were the best I could come up today:
Eyelashes Lets be clear they are not as pretty as I would like them to be. However, I like that when the light hit my eyes I can see the tiny shadows of my lashes. They may not be perfect but I love that they suit my eyes.
Nails I love doing nail art. Or at least whenever I get the time. I used to love making cute easy designs sometimes even changing them every week. Because of this, I took care of my nails. I like that I can grow my nails without it getting chipped.
<<To be filled at a later date>> I wish I could think of something that I could jot down. But for today I am keeping a blank space. Hoping that sometime soon I can come back to this post and finally complete this list.
What are the 3 things that you like about yourself? Please do add a link to your post in the comments I would love to read!
All my life I have been told what is right and wrong by my elders. I am grateful to their guidance and protection. It definitely has been their wisdom that has kept me in one piece till today.
But I have realized one thing. Nobody has all the answers. And sometimes the right answer for someone ends up being the wrong answer for you. Every circumstance is different and each persons reaction to that situation is different.
I have learnt that there is no one right way to deal with a situation. You cannot expect to have the answers to every circumstance. You need to make your own right choices. There can also be times when the right decision you made once has now become wrong.
Yes, You can sometimes take the advice “helpline” but it is up to you to decide if that is the right choice for you. But more than anything, you need to be open to the idea that the real choice is not what is right but what is best for you.
I used to think that I was a good person. Then one fine day, someone told me that I had ragged them. I realized that day that even with good intentions we sometimes do the wrong things.
It was a good shocker for me. It was since then I decided that I needed to be conscious, not about the message I want to communicate but of the how the message is received.
I have tried since then to be a better person. I am trying to learn how to give space to the other person in a situation. I hope that whenever someone remembers me, they associate me with a happy memory. I hope that their memory of me gives them a reason to smile and maybe give hope that they will have more such memories.
Would you call it camping if we do it within the school compound?
I was part of the Girl Guides till middle school. As a part of the badging we were required to camp outdoors. However, for safety of the children it was decided that we would camp in tents in the school ground. I think more than the safety many of us were not okay with the lets say “outdoor toilet” situation.
Despite the adulterated camping experience, all of us were super excited. We made food using gas stoves that we carried, made a camp fire and had… let’s call them charred marshmallows. We sang songs , danced and shared scary stories.
We set up our tents which proved to be more frustrating than expected with the winds dragging us along with the tent. Finally, we had people sit inside the tent to finish the pitching.
It is definitely worse in the open, but right about past 2 am we all felt like we would freeze to death. That of course, made us huddle to together and when the morning came one would literally call us a “pile”.
The most hilarious part of the whole experience, was walking all the way to the school building to use the toilet at night. Nobody wanted to go alone so we all were using the “mind over matter” mantra. Thankfully, someone spoke in the darkness of the tent saying “Anyone? Washroom?” instantly 5 of us switched on our torches.
We reached the main school building with jittery teeth. While we were in the washroom thought we kept hearing closing classroom doors and people whispering. Of course, there was that one person in the group who seemed to know about the eerie history of the school being on a burial ground. Then all of a sudden we hear a lot of what I now know is a “Flapping” noise.
But unlike most people who take flight when there is danger, I stood perfectly still when the rest of my group ran down the hallway screaming. Funny when I am really scared, my screams seems to be muffled. Probably because my mouth just does not want to open to let the scream out. Anyways, when I finally figured out the noise it turned out to be a pigeon stuck in the exhaust.
My group did return with a teacher to retrieve me from the dangerous situation they had abandoned me in. But the walk back to the tents was just continuous bouts of laughter.
So going back to the prompt, there was camp fire, tents and half cooked food. And whether it was camping or not I leave it for you to decide.
“Crap” is an odd way to define my most precious personal belongings. Agreed. However, it is that box of crap hidden below my bed that I define as priceless.
Over the years the box has changed from a odd shoe box to a cute organizer I ordered online. Oddly, if someone were to open the box they would find a whole lot of trash.
In that box, I have saved small keepsakes over my lifetime that remind me of a happy memory. There are small notes that my friends passed to me during classes, a pine cone from my first time seeing a live pine tree, shells I picked from the beach, and so many other small things that would not make sense to another.
On days that I just want to end everything, those silly little keepsakes takes me back to a time where I was truly in love with life. It reminds me of those moments when I felt that nothing would go wrong. It gives me hope and strength to keep holding on.
And those are my most precious belongings and I will forever cherish it.
Word Hues 