Category: Daily blog

Log of my everyday

Day 14: Day of Baking

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I know that the word “baking” has a lot of different interpretations. I mean baking as in the cooking in the oven baking.

Today I tried waking up early but the weather outside was so cold! I did not want to leave the comfort of my warm blanket. The cold floor was a nightmare quite literally. I kept snuggling until I realized that I was awake and did not have any sleep left in me.

I definitely had huge plans for today. I went into the kitchen cleaned up the table to make space for my baking stuff. Once that was done, out came the eggs, sugar, flour, baking tins and the other ingredients. The first cake of the the day was a traditional plum cake. I had to keep taking breaks in the process due to my shoulder injury but I made it. It went into the oven to bake.

Meanwhile, when my nephews came over we set out to make a simple chocolate cake. Because according to them it is cake only when it is chocolate!

The plum cake came out okay – a 8 out of 10. The chocolate cake probably needed a little more time – a 6 out of 10. Regardless, I am happy that I could atleast make them this year.

The medicines are working. I may not be out of pain but it is getting better. I am able to stand for longer and do things that I used to. Little steps but little steps are moving me forward.

Thank you Jesus! For teaching me to find happiness in the small things of life.

Day 13: The Next Step

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Today was a good day! I am exhausted and just want to retire early. I had to go out to run some errands. It was extremely challenging but I got through it. I hated every moment while I was doing it but now that I am back home I am proud of myself for making it.

I somehow feel like I claimed a little piece of me back. I felt that I could breathe a little better today. It was like the burden on my heart and mind is slowly lifting. I feel that now I am starting to hope for a better life. I feel a little more determined than I was yesterday.

I feel like that I still have time to make a difference. A positive difference. Maybe just because my life timer is a little bit shorter it does not mean that everything is over.

This hope and happiness feels weird but a good kind of weird. Here’s to hoping that I can continue building on this feeling.

Day 12: Changing Directions

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I feel tired today. I feel drained. I did not do anything today. Literally nothing.

I just want to be done with this one issue of my life. Its like a stone weighing me down. I can’t move. I feel like I am stuck in place and everyone is moving forward.

However, there is some part of me that thinks that I have been using this one problem as a reason for being lazy. I blamed all my failures to it. Now that I am finally reaching the end of that problem what if I still don’t move forward. What if I still lazy around and take things for granted.

I need to find something to anchor me. A reason to push forward. Something to hope for. I don’t know. Some part of me is scared to even hope. I don’t know if I can take failures. The only person who can help me through this spiral is Jesus. Praying to God that he gives me the strength to overcome this wild storm in my mind.

I made it one more day. One day at a time, breathe, pray, and repeat. It might not seem like a big achievement but it is something.

Day 11: Old Memories and New Perspectives

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I did not realize how much of me I had lost! Everyday its like my fogged memories are clearing. I am starting to smile more. I never knew that I had started giving up on pieces of me. I started making my world smaller. I think I hoped the smaller my world the lesser I would hurt. It is like I am claiming myself back. Little my little.

On a lighter note, I did listen to a couple of shorts audio stories. It was like a blast from the past. It had been years since I read a book or even heard an audio book. Also, lets be real, I had a spout of impulse purchase today. I need to stop it. I need to start using the stuff I buy. I am going to start by restricting myself to an amount for the month. Hopefully, over time i can reduce the budget until finally I buy stuff only when I actually need it.

All in all cheers to a good day!

Day 10: My Day Out

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Today was the first time in months that I went alone somewhere. The pain in my leg always made me unsure. I was scared that I might end up falling down and unable to get up.

I choose not to leave the confines of my home and stayed constricted to my room. Probably one of the reason that contributed to my negative thoughts. It was like a vicious cycle, I was upset because I could not move. I stayed inside the house because I could not move. Again, I would be upset because I could not go outside.

It was a good time! Though we could not spend together as much time I we hoped we could it was nice to finally meet my close friends. Seeing them after so long really put a smile to my face.

Day 9: Not a Productive Day

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Feels like I am slowly falling back to my old habits. I just want to sleep all day.

It always starts with being lethargic. Then I slowly stop doing things and start wanting to just relax the whole day. Today I thought to myself, its okay if I miss one day it’s okay. I can continue tomorrow.

So I am definitely stretching myself to make that extra effort. I really want to know how do people stay motivated. The people who plan ahead of time how do you do it? And how do you stick to your plan.

I have made plans with my friends tomorrow. It is the first time I am going out alone in months. Here’s to hoping to have a good day.

Today was a day of zoning out. tomorrow I will do better. I have to. I just have to.

Day 8: Good Day

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Today was a good day!

It was not because I was not it pain or that everything in my life is perfect. But today was good.

I spent the whole day with my family. We sat together all morning and just talked. Random things. Anything below the sun. We had food together and just chilled.

In the afternoon, we went for a movie. We watched an animated movie and guess what my parents actually sat through the whole movie. I was shocked. Never expected my parents to sit through an animation movie. Well I guess, when you become grand parents you will do everything for your grand kids.

I started watching the movie but somewhere in between I drifted to sleep. The reclining seat, the cool theater and the warm blanket was the conducive environment for the sandman to visit.

I did struggle to walk the distance and climb the stairs but at the end all I remember was the happy moments of the day.

Thank you God for today!

Day 7: The Turning point

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Today was probably the turning point in my life—the one I had been waiting for. I have nothing holding me back anymore. Now, if I don’t take steps in the right direction, I will have only myself to blame.

Step by step, I am going to push myself to look at the bright side. Even on days when it feels incredibly hard, I will try. I am determined to create a purpose in my life—something worth living for.

To begin, I want to make a bucket list. I used to wonder what the point of it was. I kept thinking that I didn’t deserve happiness, that I had no right to be happy because I wasn’t perfect.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Happiness isn’t about whether you deserve it or not. Happiness is found in those moments that help us overcome the sad ones. I am going to embrace every happy moment life offers me, and I will be grateful for each one.

Cheers to a day of clarity!

Day 6: Back on my Feet

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After days of excruciating pain I am back on my feet.

I want to get better so bad. I hate being sick. I hate the pain. I hate limping and having to sit every 5 minutes. I feel like a burden.

I know the disease will be something that I need to live with for the rest of my life. But, I want to have some semblance of normalcy. I want to be able to walk without support. I want to be able to climb up stairs. I want to not see the pain and concerns in my family’s eyes as I struggle to make it across the room.

I know I have a lot of damage and that it is going to be a slow recovery process. Just that some days the pain feels a little more worse. It just feels like there is no end to the pain. I do not want to fall into a gloom thought process. But somedays keeping the hope is a little bit difficult.

Today was that difficult day but somehow I got through. I got through it because I was with my family. My sister came over with the kids and we spent the whole afternoon putting up the Christmas decorations. The loud screaming and lame jokes kept my mind in it’s happy space.

Today was a difficult day but somehow it ended with me having a good memory to hold on to.

Day 5: Feeling Bored

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It’s just been the fifth day of me, trying to maintain a consistent habit of writing a blog. I am already feeling like just giving up.

More than writing a blog consistently, I wanted to keep this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to the changes that I want to make in my life. I keep stalling on things such as waking up early and trying to exercise or even meditate for that matter.

The worst part of it all is that I still have not started reading my bible every day. I really want to be closer to God before I close my eyes not for the fear of hell or death. I just feel guilty that He was the one person that showed me consistent love, and I haven’t even begun to start loving him back.

Starting tomorrow I am going to make that conscious effort to read the bible and prayer before I start my day. Hopefully one day it becomes a necessity rather than a forced habit.