Tag: blogging

*Missing*

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I do not have a middle name. When I asked my parents why I do not have a middle name. The reason that was given to me was “We did not want you to have a long name. We should have given you your grandmother’s name as a middle name but we instead made it your first name. “

The answer makes of sense. At least to me. To share a little secret a short name makes filling the hundreds of forms in my lifetime a little bit easier and I was really thankful to my parents for that. Do I miss having a middle name? Absolutely not! Do I hate middle names? No to that too.

I love finding out peoples middle names cause they hold great meaning. When I learn why they were given those names it clearly shows how much parents worry about. Something as simple as a name also is selected with so much care.

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Cheers to the parents and their long elimination process to pick out the perfect name for their child!

Daily writing prompt
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
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You have No One

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Let’s be real, everyday I learn something new it could be life lessons or something I have to learn for classes or work.

Rather than something I have learnt it I want to share something I have realized. I have people who genuinely love me with no expectations and they try their best to protect me from harm. But sometime, even despite that I find myself alone.

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I am considered as the rebellious one because I always say what is on my mind. Or at least I did. I usually fight for things when I have a strong feeling about it. Often, I come out of the fight with a feeling of anger and a hidden feeling of grief. Over the years, I chose not to argue cause that did not hurt me further.

However, for crucial choices of my life, I gave into the what others wanted or more like needed. In the path of not wanting to stand out, I gave up pieces of my sanity. Today, when I want to get out of the bad situation, I have walls built by the very people who love me. I may be selfish thinking about myself only not worried about how my decision would effect others. But I think today I have reached the limit of my tolerance.

And so I realized that there are people who will support you in different decisions of your life but not all of them. To them, some of your choices may seem crazy and that is okay. Somedays you need to make the choices that make you happy, even if it means you have to make them alone.

Daily writing prompt
What is the last thing you learned?
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What’s Next?

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I despise the question of “what’s next?” no matter who asks it.

I am a person who doesn’t plan for anything. I literally prefer to live in the moment. I have huge dreams and I do work towards it. But if you ask me what is my plan… I will not have an answer.

People keep pestering you till we achieve something and if you hope that once you do achieve it you are done with it, you are wrong. It is like they are just waiting for you to finish one hurdle to start nagging you about the next one.

I still don’t get the logic behind their interest. Sometimes I just want to give a snarky reply like — “I live or die. What specific ailment does that cause you?” or “Don’t you have anything else to do with your life that you are commenting on mine” or “Not like you have achieved anything great in the past decade”. But I bite my tongue, take a deep breath and brush of the words and keep smiling.

I feel one should not ask such questions, tomorrow is not pre-determined. I have certainly developed anxiety because of all the question from all the people. What they do not realize is, we all adapt to the situations we are faced with. Some handle it with meticulous planning while others chose to “wing it”. Regardless, I think that everyone at some point in their life are hit with a situation where they do not know their next step.

I think rather than asking what’s next, one can say “One step at a time. You have done your best, I believe you will continue to do your best. I am here if you need me.”

Daily writing prompt
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
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Try Again

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Failing made me realize one crucial thing.

It was okay to fall, what you do after that is what matters. It took me some while to figure that out but I finally did.

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The failure that I will always remember is when I failed in my accountancy paper,\ over and over again. My teacher told me that there was no way that I would pass in my finals given my track record. At that time, I truly believed that was true. No matter how hard I tried I never understood anything. I felt dumb, useless.

And then there was a small shift, I studied hard with tears in my eyes and fervent papers on my lips and finally I made it through my finals (even though it was just barely).

I don’t exactly remember when accountancy got easier, but today I am pursuing a career in it.

I realized that my success took time, but as long as a kept trying, even failures eventually give up. The joy you get after failing numerous times, not giving up and finally getting that win — It is just beyond what words can explain.

Daily writing prompt
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
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Impactful Start

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“If mess had to be personified it would be me.”

I love how my life turned out (at least on most days). If anyone were to ask me how I made it in life the only answer I know is “I don’t know”.

An earlier prompt asked what would be the tittle of my autobiography. It seems these prompts are going to make me actually write the whole thing!

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Daily writing prompt
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
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Failures

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Not to be too cliche but it is true..

I am the kind of person who generally does not work hard for something. But sometimes I make that extra effort to get something I really want. I would plan and replan till it was just right. Then I would stay focused and strive hard but despite everything I failed.

Initially, I used to think that was the end and just give up. When I would see others achieve what I could not I would make myself smaller. I kept thinking that I could not do it cause I was not good enough.

However, one day I decided to fight after may failure. And I realized the second time around I was easily able to navigate the mistakes and though it took me a couple of times to actually win, I eventually did.

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I realized that with every attempt I got better and faster. That was the turning point for me. I learnt to fight from then on. No matter how long it takes I will keep trying.

Like Edison said — “I have not failed, but found a 1000 ways how not to make one.”

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Love to Hate it

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Do I love my “job”? It would depend on the day you ask me. I think everyone has those days where the stress of the job does not seem worth the pay of it.

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When I think about it I love the “work” I do. I chose my career path and am excited about learning new things. However, I have a need to give 100% to anything I do and when I can’t do that, I tend to get upset. My parents have instilled in me to be sincere to the job that pays the bill and I always try I do my best. The job is not always about the “work” though, it includes navigating through people’s expectations, office politics and sometimes unfair situations. Most days you handle it but some days it just gets you and then the job feels like a burden.

For me, my job keeps me occupied and there is only so many days I can “relax”. As a added advantage if I am working I not worrying and I welcome that break. But, I want to be so much more than just my job. I want to do things which does not need me to be perfect it just requires me to make progress.

I have realized to enjoy my job, I need to find the balance of perfect at my job and learning to take things lighter when doing art or writing. I have made small efforts to balance out my life this year and it has made a difference. Little by little I will reach where I intend to.

Daily writing prompt
Do you enjoy your job?
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Today is Not so Good

Published on by wordhues2 Comments

Today. It feels difficult to hold on to hope. My anxiety is creeping in, I feel that my lungs have no air. I cannot breathe. “I am drowning on dry ground”– It did not make sense to me earlier but that is exactly how I feel. I am sitting at my desk trying to work but I can’t. I put on videos to distract my mind but it is not helping. I want to cry and want to break down and curl up into a ball.

Today I am not okay. The compartments in my mind are shaking a little. Reality is hitting me a little too hard today. The problems that I just accept as part of life, today, it feels like they could kill me. I feel that I cannot go on. I know it is just one of those days. A day in which even the smallest of thing feels like a boulder on my chest. I know I will get through this day but today it feels like I won’t.

My mind is going in different directions, my heart is racing and my vision feels blurry. I guess I just need a good bout of sleep. Maybe it’s just that I am tired physically and mentally today. As Dory says “Just keep swimming”, I will overcome this day as well. And tomorrow, I will have the energy to bear the weight of my mind again.

Time to disconnect a little and enter into the world of imagination. Self prescription of drawing has been advised. While drawing the picture on the paper, it may just give me enough time to stop thinking for a while. Just enough time to get through the overwhelming feeling of today.

It doesn’t matter

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What advice would you give to your teenage self?

How complicated life seems during teenage years. It is the time when we start to understand the importance of society’s acceptance.

We leave the phase of enjoying every day with a carefree attitude to the “What will people think” attitude.

We fight every day with ourselves to be the perfect version we can be—just so we could be liked. We wanted people to be jealous of the perfection in our lives.

I did things that I hated just because they were what most people did. I tried so hard to fall into the required specifications to be part of the “cool” gang. And when I could not make it, I denigrated myself: “You are not trying hard enough.” “You are a loser.” “You don’t deserve to exist.” These thoughts occupied a permanent space in my head.

But now, in retrospect, it all feels so small. All the issues I faced—if I had the maturity I have today—I think I would have gotten through them unscathed.

The one thing I want to tell my old self is: “It doesn’t matter.” The people you think matter leave your life, the standards you had to meet change, and the measure of success is different. All I had to do was get through it forging my own path, because no matter what, to others you are doing everything wrong.

Just brush them off your shoulder, hold your head high, and keep on walking.

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Unscripted

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

My whole life has been on the principle of “Let’s wing it!”. Ironically, I have attended so many sessions that were around planning and organizing to achieve future goals. However, I still have not learnt the art of setting goals and achieving them.

If there was a biography, the whole book would talk about how without any sort of planning and fore thought I have taken up the most biggest challenges of my life.

Despite all odds, I have attained what had I set out to. Meticulous planning, Dream boards, Goal setting may work for others but for me, “unplanned” works best.

I may not have anything written down and I may ended up taking longer than required, but I get there. Cheers to the ones that have no script to follow!

Daily writing prompt
If there was a biography about you, what would the title be?
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