It’s just been the fifth day of me, trying to maintain a consistent habit of writing a blog. I am already feeling like just giving up.
More than writing a blog consistently, I wanted to keep this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to the changes that I want to make in my life. I keep stalling on things such as waking up early and trying to exercise or even meditate for that matter.
The worst part of it all is that I still have not started reading my bible every day. I really want to be closer to God before I close my eyes not for the fear of hell or death. I just feel guilty that He was the one person that showed me consistent love, and I haven’t even begun to start loving him back.
Starting tomorrow I am going to make that conscious effort to read the bible and prayer before I start my day. Hopefully one day it becomes a necessity rather than a forced habit.
a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.
b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.
c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.
d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.
e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.
Today was a good day. I woke up at the first alarm rather than snoozing it to kingdom come. Let me tell you, that was no easy feat given the freezing temperatures and the warm cocoon of my blankets. Still, I made myself get up and let my feet touch the cold floor.
After months of putting it off, I finally ran a cycle of laundry and set the clothes out to dry. It wasn’t easy, but I paced myself, took breaks, and got through it.
Later, I gave myself something even more important: time to speak with a friend. I needed to let out what was in my heart. I wanted to talk openly about my fears and worries without burdening my family. Breaking down in front of them feels difficult—I’ve always been the stoic one, the person with logical reason when things go wrong. But today, speaking to my friend gave me the space to acknowledge my fears and reaffirm my hope for a good life.
I am a calculated impulsive buyer. I do not know if that makes sense.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
It’s just that when I really want to buy something especially if the item in question is on the higher end of my usual spending bracket I take my time.
The “take my time” statement does not make sense when I call my self impulsive. Self Contradictory. To put things into perspective, the desire to buy is impulsive. As soon as I see something I like I want to buy it! The only thing that restricts me is my need for financial stability.
I end up saving for the item first. I take my time and restrict my expenses to the come up with the money to buy it. Sometimes by the time I save the money the item is out of the market and I loose the chance to buy it. However, on the other hand there are few items that I did end up buying.
My largest spends till date are: my Samsung Flip phone, my iPad and my Sony Camera. These may not be “pricey” according to some peoples standards but with my education expenses buying even these were a challenge.
Totally worth the wait and worth the cost! I think the wait to buy it made the actual purchase even more special!
I have never had a proper understanding of the different genres of music. In fact for a long time, I did not even know that there were different genres.
My mom and sister love listening to music so I never was a stranger to it. Add to that the fact that I was 5 when I first joined the junior choir, it was a natural progression that I would develop an interest in music of my own.
My music interest started with gospel music. Closer to my teens I developed my interest in music separate from my family. Though I was not aware of it at that time I believe that I automatically divert towards “Pop” music.
Though pop music has always been my top choice that spans across languages. I have ventured into other genres like R&B, Blues, Hip-hop, rock etc..
I love exploring new music and listening to artists from different regions. Music is my daily requirement now. I listen to music when I work, when I study, when I cook even at times when I sleep. Genres have never restricted my choice or interest in music and I hope that I continue to love music in its many forms.
Work life balance is something I am just starting to learn.
When I got my first job I was so unsure. Being an average student all my life, I was worried of being average again. Till it was school it was okay I could write the exam again, but failing in job would be failing in life.
Every time I stepped into my workplace I was 100% committed to giving it my best. However, somewhere along the way I gave up on living my life. My life could be summarized as work and sleep. I thought that being good at my job would give me the respect in need in the society. Slowly I realized I had disconnected from my friends and my family.
It was when my family was in a crisis that I realized that my family was more important to me. The society never will matter. I want my life to be filled with wonderful memories with the ones I love. I am learning to disconnect from work and spending time with my family. Even if its just sitting and talking with them.
I am getting better at it. Balancing my time between my family and work. Being a 100% present for my family. I think in this post COVID world everyone is learning what are their priorities. People want people and work can always get done.
This prompt is something you really need to think about. My instant thought when I think of sacrifice is all the things that I had to give up in life. When I had to walk past a toy that I really wanted because it was too costly. When I had to give away my gifts because my cousins had lesser. When I had to give up my dream degree because my parents didn’t want to be alone.
But now that I have taken a minute, they were never sacrifices. They were choices that I had to make with age. After you grow up these childhood “sacrifices” you realize were just things that you had to let go. It was about choosing between two things. I was not giving up anything for anybody.
Sacrifice is when my parents gave up on pursuing their education to save up for my future education. They gave up their health because check ups “costly” or “not required”. The real reason was they wanted to provide for the family even if it meant that they become sicker. Even when they were tired and exhausted just one whine from me and they would carry me in their arms.
Sacrifice is what my sister did. When we were children, she always gave the bigger piece of the chocolate she loved. She is immensely talented. However, when there was a school program she never gave her name because my parents could not afford paying for us both. She didn’t pursue her career dream because that meant that I could not afford to have a dream.
But the biggest sacrifice of all is what Jesus did for me. We do not like when we get punishment when we do something wrong. He was punished when he did nothing wrong. He took that punishment without a word of protest so I could be guilt free. He gave His life for me so I could have life. When sins closed my way to God He broke down the walls to pull me closer.
Sacrifices are those that can never be paid back. All I can hope is be worthy of the sacrifices made for me. Maybe one day when I does come to me I also am willing to sacrifice for the people I love.
I have a lot older things but they are safely kept in my box of memories.
The only item I do wear everyday is my cross pendant that my mother gifted me. Over the years I have changed the chains multiple times. However, I always add my pendant to the new chain.
I love wearing the cross its the first thing my mother bought for me after a long time. Not as a birthday gift or a gift for an occasion. She just randomly came up to me one day and gave me the box with the pendant. It isn’t anything fancy or over the top. But the worth it holds for me is far beyond words.
My cross is the constant reminder that I am never alone. If ever I am stressed I automatically touch the cross and I remember that God is always with me. I hope that I can keep the cross with me as long as I am alive and maybe pass it along as a heirloom.
I am not much of fruits or vegetable person. I think my mind rejects any sort of healthy food. Despite this I do like some fruits:
a. Bananas My mom made sure banana was part of my regular diet through out my childhood. She used to tell me that it gave me strong bones. So I used to eat it without much complain. I am glad she did. Though not as often as I would like, it is probably the only fruit that I eat without someone forcing me.
b. Apples Another scam by my mother “Apple a day keeps the doctor away”. I may not have gone to the doctor for a lot of colds and flu. But keeping the doctor now that is another matter. I had multiple “accidents” through out my childhood. The number or times I have broken my bones exceed the number of bones my whole family have broken put all together. Needless to say, I was a kept my parents in a constant state of worry every time I step out of the house.
c. Grapes Grapes are hands down my favorite! I love them! Green, Red, Black doesn’t matter. Its fun to eat just like popcorn. Just wash it well and eat. Also, the added fancy of it being part of many royal scene depictions. I used to love eating it directly from the bunch like I was a king.
d. Mango I love eating them both raw and ripe. Raw mango with a little bit of chilli powder and salt make for a perfect snack. The blisters from it are totally worth it. On the other and ripe mango is like ice cream. Its just tasty! No more words needed.
e. Jackfruit They are seasonal and I do not eat much of it. But it tastes so good. the hassle for cleaning it up is something that deters me. My father loves the fruit so he does all the cleaning all I have to do is sit beside him and patiently wait as he cleans. This fruit brings back happy memories. I remember me and my sister used to keep count to ensure that no one got more than their fair share.
You meet over a million people in your lifetime. Most of the instances, they are just people who come into your life and leave without any impact. Some of them come into your life and tear you down. And if your lucky some of them come into your life to change it for the better.
There was a time in my life I did not know I was depressed. I just thought I was lazy and sad. It was God who helped me then. My faith brought me out of that mess. I still don’t know how I recovered.
In other instances, God sent me amazing friends in my life. They stood by me and started showing me that there was a part of that was beautiful. They showed me my worth. I can’t take compliments. It makes me feel weird. I feel like I don’t deserve it. However, these friends never gave up on me. They keep giving me reasons to smile, pulling me out of the darkness when I felt like I was drowning. Whenever I was down, they never asked questions, they just pulled me into a hug and stayed like that till I could breathe again.
If they ever read this, you know who you are. Thank you for being the amazing person you are! I hope all of you make more friends because I am sure you will definitely bring smiles to their life. In this world where most days are filled with tribulation, people need a break. They need someone who will stop time and be there and bring a little spark of joy into life.
Word Hues 