It was a long time since I actually enjoyed my work. I used to put music on and then buckle down. I swiftly completed my assigned tasks for the day. However, somewhere along the past 2 years, I lost that part of me.
I got my Spotify wrapped today, and I had not listened to any music for the past 8 months. To me, it was all noise. I never realized what all was stolen from me. How did I let it get this bad? I was losing myself and I did not even realize it. Today, as I opened my favorite playlist and set it to play, it bought back good memories.
It was a good change. People say that one should not go back to old habits but this was a good old habit. I finished my work. For the first time in a long time, I felt satisfied as I closed my laptop.
When I think of a man who has positively impacted my life I would think of my father. He gave me everything he could despite his struggles. He always wanted me to have better life than he did. He hid his pain to give me the best. My father will always be my first hero.
I have had friends who have taken care of me and protected me. They have stood by me when I felt alone. They sat with me when I was broken and when I was silent they have pulled me back to life.
When I first read the prompt, I could only think of the one who hurt me… who broke me. I just could not bring myself to write anything positive. It took me sometime to remember that I have had good men in my life. The actions of one person should not tarnish the good things the other have done for me.
I am thankful that I have met more good men than the bad ones. Men may not understand women easily. But some of them do take the time to just listen. And most of the time just listening is enough for a women to feel valued.
I did not realize how much of me I had lost! Everyday its like my fogged memories are clearing. I am starting to smile more. I never knew that I had started giving up on pieces of me. I started making my world smaller. I think I hoped the smaller my world the lesser I would hurt. It is like I am claiming myself back. Little my little.
On a lighter note, I did listen to a couple of shorts audio stories. It was like a blast from the past. It had been years since I read a book or even heard an audio book. Also, lets be real, I had a spout of impulse purchase today. I need to stop it. I need to start using the stuff I buy. I am going to start by restricting myself to an amount for the month. Hopefully, over time i can reduce the budget until finally I buy stuff only when I actually need it.
It’s just been the fifth day of me, trying to maintain a consistent habit of writing a blog. I am already feeling like just giving up.
More than writing a blog consistently, I wanted to keep this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to the changes that I want to make in my life. I keep stalling on things such as waking up early and trying to exercise or even meditate for that matter.
The worst part of it all is that I still have not started reading my bible every day. I really want to be closer to God before I close my eyes not for the fear of hell or death. I just feel guilty that He was the one person that showed me consistent love, and I haven’t even begun to start loving him back.
Starting tomorrow I am going to make that conscious effort to read the bible and prayer before I start my day. Hopefully one day it becomes a necessity rather than a forced habit.
a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.
b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.
c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.
d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.
e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.
Today was a good day. I woke up at the first alarm rather than snoozing it to kingdom come. Let me tell you, that was no easy feat given the freezing temperatures and the warm cocoon of my blankets. Still, I made myself get up and let my feet touch the cold floor.
After months of putting it off, I finally ran a cycle of laundry and set the clothes out to dry. It wasn’t easy, but I paced myself, took breaks, and got through it.
Later, I gave myself something even more important: time to speak with a friend. I needed to let out what was in my heart. I wanted to talk openly about my fears and worries without burdening my family. Breaking down in front of them feels difficult—I’ve always been the stoic one, the person with logical reason when things go wrong. But today, speaking to my friend gave me the space to acknowledge my fears and reaffirm my hope for a good life.
I am a calculated impulsive buyer. I do not know if that makes sense.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
It’s just that when I really want to buy something especially if the item in question is on the higher end of my usual spending bracket I take my time.
The “take my time” statement does not make sense when I call my self impulsive. Self Contradictory. To put things into perspective, the desire to buy is impulsive. As soon as I see something I like I want to buy it! The only thing that restricts me is my need for financial stability.
I end up saving for the item first. I take my time and restrict my expenses to the come up with the money to buy it. Sometimes by the time I save the money the item is out of the market and I loose the chance to buy it. However, on the other hand there are few items that I did end up buying.
My largest spends till date are: my Samsung Flip phone, my iPad and my Sony Camera. These may not be “pricey” according to some peoples standards but with my education expenses buying even these were a challenge.
Totally worth the wait and worth the cost! I think the wait to buy it made the actual purchase even more special!
I have never had a proper understanding of the different genres of music. In fact for a long time, I did not even know that there were different genres.
My mom and sister love listening to music so I never was a stranger to it. Add to that the fact that I was 5 when I first joined the junior choir, it was a natural progression that I would develop an interest in music of my own.
My music interest started with gospel music. Closer to my teens I developed my interest in music separate from my family. Though I was not aware of it at that time I believe that I automatically divert towards “Pop” music.
Though pop music has always been my top choice that spans across languages. I have ventured into other genres like R&B, Blues, Hip-hop, rock etc..
I love exploring new music and listening to artists from different regions. Music is my daily requirement now. I listen to music when I work, when I study, when I cook even at times when I sleep. Genres have never restricted my choice or interest in music and I hope that I continue to love music in its many forms.
Work life balance is something I am just starting to learn.
When I got my first job I was so unsure. Being an average student all my life, I was worried of being average again. Till it was school it was okay I could write the exam again, but failing in job would be failing in life.
Every time I stepped into my workplace I was 100% committed to giving it my best. However, somewhere along the way I gave up on living my life. My life could be summarized as work and sleep. I thought that being good at my job would give me the respect in need in the society. Slowly I realized I had disconnected from my friends and my family.
It was when my family was in a crisis that I realized that my family was more important to me. The society never will matter. I want my life to be filled with wonderful memories with the ones I love. I am learning to disconnect from work and spending time with my family. Even if its just sitting and talking with them.
I am getting better at it. Balancing my time between my family and work. Being a 100% present for my family. I think in this post COVID world everyone is learning what are their priorities. People want people and work can always get done.
This prompt is something you really need to think about. My instant thought when I think of sacrifice is all the things that I had to give up in life. When I had to walk past a toy that I really wanted because it was too costly. When I had to give away my gifts because my cousins had lesser. When I had to give up my dream degree because my parents didn’t want to be alone.
But now that I have taken a minute, they were never sacrifices. They were choices that I had to make with age. After you grow up these childhood “sacrifices” you realize were just things that you had to let go. It was about choosing between two things. I was not giving up anything for anybody.
Sacrifice is when my parents gave up on pursuing their education to save up for my future education. They gave up their health because check ups “costly” or “not required”. The real reason was they wanted to provide for the family even if it meant that they become sicker. Even when they were tired and exhausted just one whine from me and they would carry me in their arms.
Sacrifice is what my sister did. When we were children, she always gave the bigger piece of the chocolate she loved. She is immensely talented. However, when there was a school program she never gave her name because my parents could not afford paying for us both. She didn’t pursue her career dream because that meant that I could not afford to have a dream.
But the biggest sacrifice of all is what Jesus did for me. We do not like when we get punishment when we do something wrong. He was punished when he did nothing wrong. He took that punishment without a word of protest so I could be guilt free. He gave His life for me so I could have life. When sins closed my way to God He broke down the walls to pull me closer.
Sacrifices are those that can never be paid back. All I can hope is be worthy of the sacrifices made for me. Maybe one day when I does come to me I also am willing to sacrifice for the people I love.
Word Hues 