Tag: future

Letting Go!

Published on by wordhues2 Comments

I am not a person who can easily forget things. Worse than that, I keep reliving the mostly horrible moments of my life over and over again.

I always thought that I am not good at moving on from things when it comes to others. Carrying the weight of all that pain and hurt was just beyond anything I have ever known. I had to break down completely after which I realized that letting go was the only option I had to move on.

And my word! The first time I just let myself be was just life altering! I still have a problem with letting go. But I have learnt to let go of little things. There are always going to be something that I cannot control and that is okay!

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Besides having absolute control over your destiny is overrated! 🙂

Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
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Adapt or Accept

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I think the time before COVID everyone was just running around. We all were just focused on the next race without ever thinking about the end goal. COVID slowed us down a little. At one point of time everything was just too overwhelming.

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I think for that one part it worked to my favor. I liked staying indoors turned into somewhat like a vampire. I enjoyed the smaller crowds, the fact that you could stay at home in the comfort of your PJs and spend time just talking with family and friends.

I am not sure if I have adapted that well, I think I mostly just accepted the change out of the uncertainty that it posed. I think with everything there is always a good and a bad. But I sincerely hope that no one ever has to face such a fear in life again.

Daily writing prompt
How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?
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Not so much of a Ritual

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My first hour of the day depends on when I slept the night before.

I am a night person. I generally sit long hours in the night to get things done and end up waking late. The constant in my mornings would be brushing teeth, shower and maybe going through all my notifications on my phone. I know not a very healthy habit but what can I say?

I would like to include some healthy habits like maybe morning prayers or exercise or meditation or drinking water… I mean something that I could be proud about.. But it is never to late. I am gonna keep trying to make better habits and maybe someday soon I will get it write.

Daily writing prompt
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?
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Blank Memory

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I wish I had some aspirations to become something at that age. The earliest I remember is probably 11 or 12 but even then I doubt that I really had a passion for any of the things I mentioned.

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I doubt I even understood we had to be something when we grow up. I may have wanted to be a fairy or witch or basically any creature that could do magic. I have very vague memories of my childhood which is very much open to interpretations. It could be cause I never understood the importance of those moments, or could be cause I wanted to forget some memories which were painful or it could be as what I would say now that my “ROM” part of the brain is very limited.

I think at that age all I wanted was to be happy, play with my sister all day and hug my parents and sleep at night. I never had a thought of tomorrow and guess that was the best phase of my life.

Daily writing prompt
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
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How Much More…

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It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.

If Autumn had Snow..

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I love the cold! I love the winter and I love the snow! Yes, there are the downsides to it but it is totally worth it.

However, it is me, I would never have a straight forward answer to a question and have a similar conundrum for this question as well. I love Autumn too. I love the skies, the falling leaves, the soft breeze that weather brings. I am not sure if it ever happens in nature, but if I could have a weather that combines all the aesthetics of autumn but also has the added bonus of snow, I guess then I have a definitive answer.

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I think I have romanticized the concept of autumn in my mind so much, just a fallen leaf on the ground makes me happy. And snow is snow! It reminds me of a happier time! So I love both of those weathers equally and so I am not going to make a choice. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite type of weather?
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In their Own Way

Published on by wordhues3 Comments

When I think of a teacher who has influenced me, more than one of them that come to my mind. I think each of them has influenced a different aspect of my life.

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My English teacher, was so appreciative of a poem I wrote for her on her birthday. She literally went around the college and showing it off to all the other teachers. Her happiness on something that I felt was so small for the first time made me believe that I was good with words. I always remember her when I sit to write and I always remember how she cherished what I gave her.

My Econometrics teacher, called me aside one day and asked me to not stop studying. She told me that I was capable to get a PHD. I have always been an average student and believed that I was just common, a person who just gets by. When she said that I had such potential, at first I was taken by shock, but then the feeling of warmth filled my heart. It was from then that I stopped limiting myself to what others thought of me.

I could keep listing other instances where my teachers have influenced my life from time to time. And that is why, I believe each teacher in my life has changed me some way of the other.

Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
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Be Me…

Published on by wordhues6 Comments

I am not an easy person to like. Partly, cause I am always guarded when around people. I do not want to say things that could unintentionally hurt someone. I think sometimes we just need a break from the constant façade we put up to face the world.

I would like to have more time to be the unfiltered me. To do things without scrutiny from others and say things without the fear of judgement. I think I can be quite a nice person to get to know and it would be nice not to have to put on a fake face.

I think when I am me I can be happier. I can be more creative and restful. Just thinking of it makes me feel at rest.

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Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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Breathe

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For me, this one word has been the thing that has kept me going. I remember a quote from my one of my favorite TV series which has resonated with me greatly.

“DONT HOLD YOUR BREATH, YOU STOP THINKING WHEN YOU STOP BREATHING…BREATHE”

Grey’s Anatomy

I keep repeating that to myself when I feel that I am drowning in the day’s turmoil. When everything seems difficult to do, when I feel that the I am stuck in the moment, and the next thing to do seems impossible. All I do is breathe. That one breathe helps me move on from that moment of uncertainty. The breathe that goes in will come out. I have taken the next step, even if I am not sure of anything else, breathing is something I can do.

So, if I were to ever have the guts to get a tattoo, it would be the word “Breathe” on my inner side of the right wrist.

Daily writing prompt
What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
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Conflicted

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Maybe… Maybe not.. I do not need another person’s judgement to put my mind in turmoil.

I think it arises from the need to wanting to make the “right” decision. I am scared of what my decisions will result in. What if someone gets hurt? What if I don’t end up happy with the results? I don’t have the record for the best life decisions and that make me want to analyze each an every possibility. But who am I kidding, I am no Dr. Strange, no matter how much I think there will be a 100 different possibilities that I did not think of.

It takes a little effort but sometimes I think I need to make decisions without having all the cards on the table. Like some would say enjoy the choice forget about the outcome, we will cross that bridge when it comes.

However, as of now I remain conflicted, my emotions and my thoughts battle it out in my mind.

Daily writing prompt
What is one word that describes you?
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