Today was a little bit difficult. I had to go out to deal with some personal stuff. Then I spent the rest of the day distracting myself.
I did not get anything much done. In fact, I did not want to get anything done. I spoke to my sister about my health and took a reality check with her. It was good. I may have not dealt with every challenge of today but I dealt with at least one.
Writing this blog was a struggle. Part of me just wanted to switch off and drift into a lazy day of scrolling. But then I remembered that this blog was the one thing I wanted to be consistent. Enforcing good habits one at a time.
a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.
b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.
c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.
d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.
e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.
I personally prefer non-vegetarian food over vegetarian food. I think its cause at home, there was always some non vegetarian food made.
I have seen enough videos online to know that this is a polarizing issue. I have no intention to add fuel to that fire.
But taking a step back truthfully I am grateful for any meal that is on my table. I am believe to each his own. Everyone is different and grew up in different circumstances. As long as you don’t take for advantage the privilege of choice – “to eat what you prefer” it does not matter what you eat. Further, someone being different from you does not give you the right to impose your opinion on them.
Taking another step back, Vegetarian or Non Vegetarian it does not matter. The only thing that can evoke feelings about food is an associated memory. I don’t remember every dish I eat, neither do I remember the most costly food I have eaten.
I mostly remember the food I ate sneakily in the back of the classroom. It’s the food that my sister made for the first time. There is also the burnt food we salvaged after mom forgot the stove was on during family conversations. These are the foods I love. These are the food that evokes feelings in me.
Today was a good day. I woke up at the first alarm rather than snoozing it to kingdom come. Let me tell you, that was no easy feat given the freezing temperatures and the warm cocoon of my blankets. Still, I made myself get up and let my feet touch the cold floor.
After months of putting it off, I finally ran a cycle of laundry and set the clothes out to dry. It wasn’t easy, but I paced myself, took breaks, and got through it.
Later, I gave myself something even more important: time to speak with a friend. I needed to let out what was in my heart. I wanted to talk openly about my fears and worries without burdening my family. Breaking down in front of them feels difficult—I’ve always been the stoic one, the person with logical reason when things go wrong. But today, speaking to my friend gave me the space to acknowledge my fears and reaffirm my hope for a good life.
There are moments in life when the weight of reality feels heavier than ever. For a long time, I didn’t think much about how long I had in this world. It didn’t matter to me. But now, just as I began to hope for a long and fulfilled life, things have taken a different turn—and it hurts.
I find myself battling with my own thoughts, ashamed that I let things get so bad. I know I’ve caused pain to my family, and the one thing I always wished was that they would never have to bury me. That thought alone feels like the worst punishment I could give them. And yet, facing the possibility of it, I realize I need to live better—not just survive. I want to take care of my health, to be stronger, and to leave behind good memories for the people I love most.
I don’t know if my family will ever read these words, but if you do, I want you to know something: I love you. Even if I don’t say it often, even if harsh words have been exchanged, my love for you has never changed. I have always felt your love, even in moments of loneliness. Despite the walls I built around myself, I knew you were there, waiting for me.
If I leave this world before you, I am deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused. If I could start my life over again with you, I would. But I am not ungrateful—I’ve had a better life than many, and a longer one than most.
From here on, I want to take things one day at a time. To be better than I was yesterday—in my faith, in my family, and in my dreams.
I am a calculated impulsive buyer. I do not know if that makes sense.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
It’s just that when I really want to buy something especially if the item in question is on the higher end of my usual spending bracket I take my time.
The “take my time” statement does not make sense when I call my self impulsive. Self Contradictory. To put things into perspective, the desire to buy is impulsive. As soon as I see something I like I want to buy it! The only thing that restricts me is my need for financial stability.
I end up saving for the item first. I take my time and restrict my expenses to the come up with the money to buy it. Sometimes by the time I save the money the item is out of the market and I loose the chance to buy it. However, on the other hand there are few items that I did end up buying.
My largest spends till date are: my Samsung Flip phone, my iPad and my Sony Camera. These may not be “pricey” according to some peoples standards but with my education expenses buying even these were a challenge.
Totally worth the wait and worth the cost! I think the wait to buy it made the actual purchase even more special!
I have never had a proper understanding of the different genres of music. In fact for a long time, I did not even know that there were different genres.
My mom and sister love listening to music so I never was a stranger to it. Add to that the fact that I was 5 when I first joined the junior choir, it was a natural progression that I would develop an interest in music of my own.
My music interest started with gospel music. Closer to my teens I developed my interest in music separate from my family. Though I was not aware of it at that time I believe that I automatically divert towards “Pop” music.
Though pop music has always been my top choice that spans across languages. I have ventured into other genres like R&B, Blues, Hip-hop, rock etc..
I love exploring new music and listening to artists from different regions. Music is my daily requirement now. I listen to music when I work, when I study, when I cook even at times when I sleep. Genres have never restricted my choice or interest in music and I hope that I continue to love music in its many forms.
Given how accident prone I am it is really a miracle. I sat this line to define my situation “I can trip on level ground”.
It started with a cracked ankle at 13. Post that I have cracked my other ankle, an elbow, a wrist, dislocated both my shoulders, crack on the head and multiple ligament and tendon injuries.
But you know what is the biggest shocker to this? I am not an athlete. I have had small injuries playing basketball and football but all broken bones were out of the field.
Its not that I am careless. I am very scared of getting hurt so I am careful. Despite this, I keep getting injured. Now I have given up on fighting my situation. I deal with the injury rather than being fearful of getting injured.
The enjoyed the extra attention I got when I was in a cast but taking a bath with the cast on was super annoying. The worst is when it starts itching in the cast. But when the cast comes of its literally like a weight has lifted off me.
I think at one point of time my doctor saw my name and came into the emergency room asking, “What did you break this time?”
I know that cold weather brings it with dryness and cold nose. But the perks of winter far out weigh the faults.
No Style Needed I am not a person who is good with styling. During winter all you need is a sweater or a cardigan. No one is really going to be bothered if it “goes” with the outfit. All that matters is your warm enough.
No Allergies I get heat rashes any time I spend too much time in the sun. It doesn’t help that I do not put sunscreen when required. But when the cold air hits my faces all my skin irritation just goes away. The winter dryness is something that I can handle. Moisturizing is much more easier that applying sunscreen.
Hot Chocolate and Warm Blanket I love drinking hot chocolate in the cold weather. Its like a warm hug. I feel the world has tilted towards happy. Also, sleeping under a warm blanket is something that everyone loves. You feel like your whole body is wrapped in a cocoon. You feel safe and secure and all the evils of the world has disappeared.
Snow I love snow! I know that probably after it melts I may not have the same answer. But who cares! Snow is awesome! I think playing in snow brings out the innocence of childhood in people.
Work life balance is something I am just starting to learn.
When I got my first job I was so unsure. Being an average student all my life, I was worried of being average again. Till it was school it was okay I could write the exam again, but failing in job would be failing in life.
Every time I stepped into my workplace I was 100% committed to giving it my best. However, somewhere along the way I gave up on living my life. My life could be summarized as work and sleep. I thought that being good at my job would give me the respect in need in the society. Slowly I realized I had disconnected from my friends and my family.
It was when my family was in a crisis that I realized that my family was more important to me. The society never will matter. I want my life to be filled with wonderful memories with the ones I love. I am learning to disconnect from work and spending time with my family. Even if its just sitting and talking with them.
I am getting better at it. Balancing my time between my family and work. Being a 100% present for my family. I think in this post COVID world everyone is learning what are their priorities. People want people and work can always get done.
Word Hues 