Tag: hope

Day 13: The Next Step

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Today was a good day! I am exhausted and just want to retire early. I had to go out to run some errands. It was extremely challenging but I got through it. I hated every moment while I was doing it but now that I am back home I am proud of myself for making it.

I somehow feel like I claimed a little piece of me back. I felt that I could breathe a little better today. It was like the burden on my heart and mind is slowly lifting. I feel that now I am starting to hope for a better life. I feel a little more determined than I was yesterday.

I feel like that I still have time to make a difference. A positive difference. Maybe just because my life timer is a little bit shorter it does not mean that everything is over.

This hope and happiness feels weird but a good kind of weird. Here’s to hoping that I can continue building on this feeling.

Day 12: Changing Directions

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I feel tired today. I feel drained. I did not do anything today. Literally nothing.

I just want to be done with this one issue of my life. Its like a stone weighing me down. I can’t move. I feel like I am stuck in place and everyone is moving forward.

However, there is some part of me that thinks that I have been using this one problem as a reason for being lazy. I blamed all my failures to it. Now that I am finally reaching the end of that problem what if I still don’t move forward. What if I still lazy around and take things for granted.

I need to find something to anchor me. A reason to push forward. Something to hope for. I don’t know. Some part of me is scared to even hope. I don’t know if I can take failures. The only person who can help me through this spiral is Jesus. Praying to God that he gives me the strength to overcome this wild storm in my mind.

I made it one more day. One day at a time, breathe, pray, and repeat. It might not seem like a big achievement but it is something.

Sleep.. Read.. Eat..

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How do you relax?

When somebody talks about relaxation, the first thing that comes to my mind is sleep.

I love sleeping. After working 12 hours days, my comfortable bed and warm blanket seems like heaven. It is my dream to sleep for 15 hours at a stretch, but somehow I always wake up at an eight hour mark.

The second most relaxing thing for me is a nice novel and a hot cup of hot chocolate. Reading always relaxes my mind. It takes me to places that can literally only be imagined. It’s somehow helps me forget all the worries of this world. The book literally transports me to a place in time where everything seems magical.

And of course, though I am not a foodie, good comfort food, really relaxes my soul. when I eat food that is prepared by either mom, dad or my elder sister for that moment, everything seems right with the world. It doesn’t matter that I had people yell at me throughout the day all that the frustration at work reached to a point where I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. Home made food always makes me feel better.

And in summation, sleep for the body, read for the mind and eat for the soul. The perfect recipe for relaxing day.

Journaling ideas

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What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

I love stationary, and I seem to have a bit of a problem. I keep buying new notebooks and pens and markers, but never actually use them.

As a part of my New Year resolution, I decided that I am going to use the stationary that I’ve already purchased and overcome the irrational fear that I might not get it again. 

All of my recent searches have been of journal ideas to fill out the blank books lying around. I hope that one day soon I can have ideas without requiring the help of a Pinterest board.

Nirbhaya Vs. Abhaya

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  • 16th December 2012 – Nirbhaya Case

    22 Year woman was brutally gang raped by six individuals including one minor on a public bus. She was severely beaten and her body was mutilated in the most savage way that was beyond anyone’s imagination. She fought hard to survive despite her severe injuries. Unfortunately, she passed away on 29th December after 13 days of struggle.

    Conviction
    – Out of the six, one of the convicts committed suicide when in custody.
    – The convicted minor served 3 years in jail and was released on 20th December 2015.
    – The four other convicts were hanged on 20th March 2020.

  • Criminal Law Amendment Act 2013

    The country was in an uproar when they realized there was no law to punish the Nirbhaya offenders to befit their crimes.

    The Amendment came into effect on 2nd April 2013. The following changes were made:

    • Stalking, Acid Attacks and Voyeurism added to the definition of rape
    • Threat of Rape is considered a crime
    • Minimum Sentence for rape was raised to 10 years
    • Death/ Vegetative state of victim the minimum sentence is 20 years.
    • Character of Victim irrelevant
    • The age to be tried as an adult for violent rape was changed from 18 to 16
    • Failure to register case by officials is punishable

  • Major Cases since then

    • 2013 Shakti Mills Case
    • 2017 Kathua Case
    • 2018Unnao Case

    Though some of the convicts were given death penalties it was later commuted to life imprisonment.

  • August 9th, 2024

    31 yr old post-graduate doctor was found raped in the seminar hall in the hospital where she worked. An individual was arrested in connection to the crime. However, the autopsy results gave a different picture than what was revealed:

    • The quantity of semen found indicates the involvement of more than one person
    • She had bleeding eyes and lips, broken pelvic bones, a broken thyroid cartilage due to strangulation, – which were all consistent to a struggle against a vicious attack.
    • There seem to be attempts to destroy evidence and the crime scene.

When you first hear about the “Nirbhaya” case the horrendous brutality of the incident left people in shock. I felt more overwhelmed when I heard that she wanted to live. Despite all the torture she went through she was fighting to live. I hated those men for taking that chance from her. I hated them for taking that piece of good from the world. I think she would have been a wonderful human if she had been given the chance.

But maybe, God didn’t want that precious soul to suffer in this world anymore. This world did not deserve her. For her family, there is nothing more left. Those monsters may have legally killed one person but in reality, they killed that whole family. It took great will to fight for their daughter’s justice and according to me, the punishment was too little for the crime that was committed against them. Her parents fought to make the world better, so that no one else goes through the hell valley they had to go through.

Fast forward 12 years later, once again the world is witness to the monstrous nature of humans. The whole case is so horrible, that words fail me. The crime, the cover-up, the lack of rage from the officials investigating the crime. Why does another family have to go through the same road that Nirbhaya’s family had to walk through? I wish there was a way to make the world safer. I wish I could without any doubt say that justice will be served and that the void they feel in their heart will heal at some point.

I want to believe that there is good in the world, I want to believe that there is justice but this world fails you over and over again.

All I can do is pray, for courage and healing for those who got left behind and an eternity of joy for those who crossed over. I want the pain to go away, I want them to only remember the happy memories that they shared. I pray that the justice system does what it was meant to do. I pray that people change. I pray that the evil of this world does not harm another beautiful soul.

Happy

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What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Saying that happiness is the most often emotion or more like positive emotion that I have may seem like a lie.

As a person who is living with depression, most days, I wake up weak and tired and just frustrated with life. However, when I see my mother gaze fondly at her grandchildren in that moment, I am happy. She had to leave my sister and me back in our hometown with our grandparents when we were babies because she couldn’t afford to take us along with her. She missed our childhood, but I’m glad that she gets to see the childhood of her grandchildren at least.

When I see the joy in my sisters eye, every time she shares with us, her achievement, her individual achievement, it makes me happy. She has gone through a lot to finally find something of a room and that she found it. It makes me feel like she can start to be happy for herself.

When I see my father bring back a fruit or a vegetable from his home garden and I see the pride with which she brings it. It makes me happy. He loves agriculture, and when he was healthier and younger, I think she dreamt of going back home and having a land filled with beautiful trees and plants. He gave it up because he had to provide for his family. It may not be a lot, but the small area in which he has planted the few household vegetables and fruits is cherished as a testament to his passion.

I think no matter how sad I am as long as my family is happy. That is a good memory for me. That is happiness for me. I wish I could be the reason for that happiness. Just like they are for me.

So to conclude, I stop focusing on myself, the emotion that I feel the most is happy.

Me

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What do you think gets better with age?

A little too cliche? I could say something like wine or cheese or any other thing. However, I’ve come to realise that the best version of me is always the tomorrow version of me.

Throughout my life, I’ve always had someone trying to advise me or teach me what is right and wrong. They do it to protect me to not make the same mistakes they did, but I have come to realise that my mistakes are the ones that teach me the best.

I have fallen into the most worst situations after not listening to the advice of my elders and notice that I end up, making the same mistakes over and over again. Till I finally draw the line myself,

I have learnt to work hard, even when everything feels like it’s crashing down on me. I have learnt not to hurt others just because I am hurting, I learnt that some days are filled with hopelessness, but you still keep fighting for that one day or one moment of happiness.

I think time has taught me to accept and move on. It has taught me that today is wrong, may just be tomorrow’s right.

I am grateful for what the years have taught me, and I am grateful for the years I may have left. I hope that everyone hold on and get to see the better version of themselves like I have.

Absolutely Nothing

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Being a pessimistic person really puts a dent in being excited about the future.

I want big things in the future but the focus and determination to achieve it often fades away after a few hours.

Since I don’t make the effort it obvious enough that I won’t actually reach my goals. I always think if I make all the effort and fail I would be upset more so instead I procrastinate.

I am learning to be hopeful again about my future and maybe soon I will also learn to be excited about it as well. 😊

What are you most excited about for the future?

I’ll take a little more pain

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I’ll take a little more pain,
If hurting me is what gets you to your feet,
I’ll take that pain.
If unloading your frustrations makes your day a little brighter,
I’ll take that pain.


If putting me down makes you stand a little taller.
I’ll take that pain.
If making me fell worthless is what you need to value yourself,
I’ll take that pain.


If blaming your failures on me is what gives you the courage to try again,
I’ll take that pain.
If silencing me is what gives you peace of mind,
I’ll take that pain.


If walking away from me is what you need to follow your dreams,
I’ll take that pain.
If breaking me down is what will build you back up,
I’ll take that pain.
I’ll take a little more pain to see you smile, dream and hope again!

Guilty as Charged

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Anytime the word superstition is mentioned it is met with the judgement. “Don’t be silly”, “Use your brain”, these are the common phrases I hear and sometimes what I use too.

Education helps us get over most over the superstitions that have been passed down to us over centuries. But it would be remiss if I say I do not have any.

When I am too happy or rolling around with laughs I get this fleeting thought that something horrible is going to happen.

I do not travel on the first of the month because I believe the would be a death in the family. Well, there was one instance where it did happen and ever since then I have not been able to shake it off.

I say “touch wood” when I am say something I am hopeful or appreciative off. I do this cause I believe the in the “evil eye”, we not may intentionally mean harm but some cosmic events may result in something bad happening.

People would say “Faith above all else” and I believe in that. I believe that no matter what things will happen God will take care of it.

If someone were to ask why do I have such unfounded beliefs, I really don’t have an answer. I think it out of hope, I seriously hope and wish for that things turn out good. Maybe being a little superstitious feeds fuel to the fire of my hope. 🙂

“We need hope, or else we cannot endure.”
— Sarah J. Maas

Daily writing prompt
Are you superstitious?
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