Finding Clarity

They said you need to loose yourself to find yourself,
I did not believe it to be so.

Little did I know that this world will teach me something I never knew there was to learn.

I have lost the ability to dream,
All I wish for now is to escape.

I want to fade away into the darkness,
Fade away from everyone’s memory.

I don’t want to be the reason for their pain,
Today I feel the burden of their love.

I feel too tired to go on,
I know I should not give up.
If I do, I escape the pain but add more pain to them.

I need to breathe again, I need to care again,
Little by little I need to build myself again.

Not to prove that I am better to them,
But to prove that I am better for myself.

I deserve to dream. I deserve to hope.
It was done to me, so I won’t break others to build myself.
I am going to find room for myself,
To make a life worth living.

The day I finally get rest, my life would have been one worth living.
I am going to try my hardest to make it so.

So come at me world, with all your worst,
I will break down but not give up.

Today I failed, but I will try again tomorrow.
The odds may not be in my favor, but I am bound to win at some point.

So I will keep trying, in the hope I can look back and say “I made it”.

A Silent Prayer from my heart for you

I wish you success and joy wherever you go,
Cause I have seen the tears of sadness from the days before.

I wish you love abundant to fill your lifetime,
Cause I know the silent heartbreaks you have hidden within.

I wish you have smiles of the everlasting kind,
Cause I noticed the ones that faded away with time.

I wish you hope that feeds your dreams,
Cause I know the pain of failures you carry on your shoulders.

I wish you contention in the life you live,
Cause I know you only lived your life for others.

I wish that you always move forward,
Cause I have seen the chains of responsibilities that tie you down.

And last of all, I wish you faith in yourself,
Remember that what you have achieved, no one else has.

Undisturbed Routine

Describe your ideal week.

Ideal week?

To me, the ideal week would be when I achieve all that I set to achieve for the week.

I wanna be able to wake up every morning, pray sincerely, complete my morning exercise, prepare my meals. Then, go to work and complete all the targets for the day, share some good conversations with my friends. At the end of work, get back home and take some time to maybe do some art or something I like. And finally have a good nights rest..

I would say something is ideal when not much goes wrong. I know it is challenges that help us grow, but some days you just want to live without a care in the world.

However, as much as I like a carefree life, I know that I would definitely get bored of it soon. But maybe once in awhile, little break wouldn’t harm anyone.

Hanyu Yuzuru

Daily writing prompt
Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

I love watching ice skating. Its so peaceful and so mesmerizing. Words cannot describe it. Yuzuru makes magic happen on ice. I always thought that grace is associated with women but all of his performances exudes that.

I know that there are many other athletes who are as passionate about their sports as him. However, being a person who has zero knowledge of sports of any kind I very often don’t know about half of them.

I believe all athletes should be respected it takes a lot of commitment and sacrifices to be the best in their profession. Not everyone is born with that drive. They struggle in silence but their hard-work pays off as appreciation of millions of others. Funny part, they never think of the applause when they struggle, they only think of their end goal.

Such unadulterated passion not only deserves respect, it commands it!

Sleep.. Read.. Eat..

How do you relax?

When somebody talks about relaxation, the first thing that comes to my mind is sleep.

I love sleeping. After working 12 hours days, my comfortable bed and warm blanket seems like heaven. It is my dream to sleep for 15 hours at a stretch, but somehow I always wake up at an eight hour mark.

The second most relaxing thing for me is a nice novel and a hot cup of hot chocolate. Reading always relaxes my mind. It takes me to places that can literally only be imagined. It’s somehow helps me forget all the worries of this world. The book literally transports me to a place in time where everything seems magical.

And of course, though I am not a foodie, good comfort food, really relaxes my soul. when I eat food that is prepared by either mom, dad or my elder sister for that moment, everything seems right with the world. It doesn’t matter that I had people yell at me throughout the day all that the frustration at work reached to a point where I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. Home made food always makes me feel better.

And in summation, sleep for the body, read for the mind and eat for the soul. The perfect recipe for relaxing day.

I want them all

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

I think this would be a very difficult choice for me or rather not a choice for me.

I like to use words and I use a plethora of it. The words that I don’t use that often may not hold much significance to me. However, if there are words that I use regularly, which of course I am not particularly aware of there is no way that I would want to give up on any of it.

If I am using a word regularly, it means that I am comfortable with that word, and why would I do something that makes me uncomfortable?

So there you go, I ain’t giving up on any word.

Futile Emotion

Daily writing prompt
Are you holding a grudge? About?

Holding a grudge comes from a place of pain. I didn’t want to be hurt so I changed it to anger. My thought process was – “Being in pain is a weakness and the world will exploit it”. So I hid my pain behind a mask of arrogance and hate.

But as you get older you realize that holding onto that anger was keeping the pain alive. Now I think are the people who I want to hold a grudge against even worth it. In all the cases I have noticed that it isn’t. Letting go of the grudge, the feelings that it entailed was freeing. It gave a sort of peace to understand that sometimes the evil win but I do not need to become evil to win.

Today, without a doubt I can say holding a grudge is absolutely useless. The person who hurts you moves on and you end up holding the baggage of that hurt.

I follow the policy of “Live and Let Live”. As long as they don’t come for me I will not cross paths with them. I wish them the best in whichever path they choose. I do not understand their approach to life but I am not Jesus I don’t know what baggage they carry and what made them the way they are.

I always remember:

“Just because you are right doesn’t mean that I am wrong.”

Distant travels

Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.

Unlike the rest of my family, I have had an opportunity or more like multiple opportunities to travel abroad. And shocking. Most of this travels were not with my family,

Every trip was to a new place and on every trip, I learnt something new. I really hope that one day I can say that I have travelled to more than 20 countries at least.

So far the farthest trip, I have taken was a 20 hour flight on account of my work. I did sleep through most or more like 90% of the flight duration. However, the experience that I had in each place that I touched down at have been added to my cherished memories.

Innocence

What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

Who doesn’t smile seeing a baby making funny faces. The instant happiness you get seeing a child opening a gift. A little girl baking for her parents birthday and ending up as a flour covered doll. A child dancing in the rain without a care of the world.

For me, seeing the innocence in and other humans, bring an automatic smile to my face.

The world today is a cruel place. There is no place for innocence anymore.

Everyone is forced to grow up soon. Everywhere you turn it feels like the world is just filled with hatred and evil. We no longer see the good in the world. All we do is live in the constant fear of being harmed

Seeing someone being able to appreciate and enjoy the little joy of life brings a tear to my eyes. I wish that the world was little bit nicer so that we could hold onto our innocence, a little bit longer.

Every memory that we make would not be tainted with the fear of what could go wrong, but with just pure emotions of happiness. I wish we could be children again without the fear that knowing this world brings.

Love for Writing

Daily writing prompt
Why do you blog?

Writing is something I use to center myself.

More often than not, when I am emotionally in a vulnerable place I choose to write things out. Writing what I am feeling just makes things better. There is no judgement. I can write what I really feel. All my insecurities and fear, out of my mind and on a piece of paper. Many times I go back and read what I write and it gives me a different perspective of things.

Writing has always been my breath of fresh air.

As I am growing older I am handling my situations and my emotions better. But even on the good days, that 30 minutes I take to write up a blog post and the blissful feeling it get after is just amazing. I am trying to make blogging a part of my habit. Rather than having some good days and some bad days, I would rather have everyday with a little bit of good.