There are moments in life when the weight of reality feels heavier than ever. For a long time, I didn’t think much about how long I had in this world. It didn’t matter to me. But now, just as I began to hope for a long and fulfilled life, things have taken a different turn—and it hurts.
I find myself battling with my own thoughts, ashamed that I let things get so bad. I know I’ve caused pain to my family, and the one thing I always wished was that they would never have to bury me. That thought alone feels like the worst punishment I could give them. And yet, facing the possibility of it, I realize I need to live better—not just survive. I want to take care of my health, to be stronger, and to leave behind good memories for the people I love most.
I don’t know if my family will ever read these words, but if you do, I want you to know something: I love you. Even if I don’t say it often, even if harsh words have been exchanged, my love for you has never changed. I have always felt your love, even in moments of loneliness. Despite the walls I built around myself, I knew you were there, waiting for me.
If I leave this world before you, I am deeply sorry for the pain I’ve caused. If I could start my life over again with you, I would. But I am not ungrateful—I’ve had a better life than many, and a longer one than most.
From here on, I want to take things one day at a time. To be better than I was yesterday—in my faith, in my family, and in my dreams.
Growing up is never fun. I guess it’s worse when circumstances push you towards it.
Being the younger child I am the family baby. My parents protected me all through my life and my sister always went above and beyond to shield me from every pain.
Life had a different path set for me. When I was 14, I saw my mother fall sick. I saw her working through her pain and exhaustion to provide for her children. And then, I saw her body fail her. She forced herself to get up and pretend everything was okay but I somehow I realized that she was hiding the truth.
I remember walking into the hospital with her when she finally could not push herself any longer. I remember her on the hospital bed talking and explaining her issues to the doctor. After that, it was like a switch. She slowly started fading. It like her mind finally was exhausted holding on and then she started getting worse. My sister and father were unable to be with us at that time. So I sat at the side of my mamma’s bed, alone, seeing her struggling to breathe. Every time she woke up she told me she is okay but I could see her fading away, I could see the color of her skin change, I could see her slowly loose her appetite, I could see her fighting to stay alive.
My mother thought that I was small and that I did not understand anything but I remember every update the doctors gave. I realized the possibility that I could loose my mother. I used to cry when I showered so that no one would know that I was crying. I did not want my mamma to worry about me. I could see that she was in pain and there was nothing I could do to get her out of it.
I realized that seeing her in pain was far worse than the pain of loosing her. I tried to grow up to be stronger. When my sister and father were able to join us I sought to be the person they could rely on. I held my sister when she broke down crying in worry and told her that we need to be strong for mamma. When my father put his hands around my shoulder I told him that we were a family and that together we can face anything. In those moments I knew I could not be the person that is been taken care of rather I needed to be the person who took care of others. I took it upon me to stir conversations away from the gloom and glum. I know that the worry will always be there in the back of their mind but for those few minutes I wanted them to remember the happiness.
By a miracle, I got my mother back and lets be clear there have been many close calls after. But today, I am not fearful, I am determined to be the wall to fall back on. There is no circumstance that my family would have to face alone. I will be the courage they need to continue.
To all the Children who grew up to soon, I may have been hell but you got through it. Your courage and determination is beyond comprehension. I hope that you get to have days in your life to relive the innocence of a child.
This prompt is something you really need to think about. My instant thought when I think of sacrifice is all the things that I had to give up in life. When I had to walk past a toy that I really wanted because it was too costly. When I had to give away my gifts because my cousins had lesser. When I had to give up my dream degree because my parents didn’t want to be alone.
But now that I have taken a minute, they were never sacrifices. They were choices that I had to make with age. After you grow up these childhood “sacrifices” you realize were just things that you had to let go. It was about choosing between two things. I was not giving up anything for anybody.
Sacrifice is when my parents gave up on pursuing their education to save up for my future education. They gave up their health because check ups “costly” or “not required”. The real reason was they wanted to provide for the family even if it meant that they become sicker. Even when they were tired and exhausted just one whine from me and they would carry me in their arms.
Sacrifice is what my sister did. When we were children, she always gave the bigger piece of the chocolate she loved. She is immensely talented. However, when there was a school program she never gave her name because my parents could not afford paying for us both. She didn’t pursue her career dream because that meant that I could not afford to have a dream.
But the biggest sacrifice of all is what Jesus did for me. We do not like when we get punishment when we do something wrong. He was punished when he did nothing wrong. He took that punishment without a word of protest so I could be guilt free. He gave His life for me so I could have life. When sins closed my way to God He broke down the walls to pull me closer.
Sacrifices are those that can never be paid back. All I can hope is be worthy of the sacrifices made for me. Maybe one day when I does come to me I also am willing to sacrifice for the people I love.
To put “Freedom” simply it would be the opportunity to make your own choices without the fear of consequence.
Being free is to being in control. I mean on every second of your life. There shouldn’t be any other human that forces you into making a choice you do not want. I do not want to ever lower my eyes into submission. Every consequences of my life I face I want to to be completely because I decided it. I do not want to ever have that thought – “I should not have agreed to what they said.”
The choices can be anything. It can be how I dress, what I eat, when I choose to do something, how I choose to do it. This list goes on. I have seen a lot of documentaries where humans have experienced the treatment of being mere puppets. They were broken and shattered just for others fun. While I have never been subject to that kind of experience I think everyone experiences some degree of subjugation.
For example, I think most women even today have thoughts that limit them. When I want to wear a particular dress I should have the choice to wear it without having the thought of – “Will someone judge me?”. I should not be worried about how people perceive me. Neither should I be worried about – “Am I allowed to wear this?”.
Most people grow out of it and learn to stand up for themselves. The time that different people take to reach that level is different. I always encouraged and supported my friends to speak up for themselves. I am ashamed to admit it that when it came chance for me to speak up for myself… I failed. I had to take a lot of hits to my self esteem. It took every ounce of will power I had to break free. To this day, I struggle sometimes but I will never stop claiming my freedom.
Hope to all those with me, ahead of me and just starting in their journey to fight for their freedom. Its difficult but you will get there.
When we are self focused we seldom realize that there are people in this world who have walked the same path. What seems so difficult to us right now someone has already overcome it.
My Parents It is very irritating when they start with the line “When we were young…”. However, whenever I am stuck in a decision my parents are my first source of advice. I may not always follow their advice but their perspective teaches me a different thought process than I could imagine. There are times when I choose not to trouble my parents and make my own decisions. My parents keep watching me closely making sure they are there next to me the instant I need them. They never want me to fall, but they want to be there every time I need support to get back up.
My Sister Some would find it odd why I chose to mention my sister separately. But she deserves the specific mention. She may not be very old to me but she has taken care of me at every stage. If it was up to her she would tie me up with a mattress and cushion so that nothing can harm me. “To harm her you need to cross over my dead body” – seems like a very cliché line in movies. My sister doesn’t need to say it, cause with her every action she shows it. She goes to the extent of saving me from myself. She doesn’t sugar coat her advice. If may not always like it but I know she says things out of love. I may not understand it an the very moment but eventually it all makes sense
My Mentors At different stages of my life I meet with different people who guide me. Whether it be in school, college or at work. Each and every one of them have taught me something new. The most astonishing part of the whole thing is that they do so with so much humility. They know so much but yet they come down to my level to help me understand things. I admire those who can impart knowledge with such impact.
My Friends I admire all my friends. I think I become friends with people because I am fascinated by their moral character. Some them are epitome of patience, some are so selfless, some of them are so self driven and motivated. All characteristics I seem to lack in. I turn to them for advice when sometimes I just want another perspective.
Without a doubt Christmas is my most favorite holiday of the year and also the most waited!
We may have a million different problems in our life that weigh us down. But when Christmas comes around we forget about all that pain and hurt that the year brought us. We come together as a family and enjoy every minute of the joy we share together.
We bake cake and cookies. Often ending with baking fails of raw cake and burnt cookies. We decorate the Christmas tree and our home. Often spending more time in debating how the decoration should look like rather than actually getting the decoration done.
But the best of all we spend hours talking and listening to each other. And just like that you get the strength to fight for one more year.
When somebody talks about relaxation, the first thing that comes to my mind is sleep.
I love sleeping. After working 12 hours days, my comfortable bed and warm blanket seems like heaven. It is my dream to sleep for 15 hours at a stretch, but somehow I always wake up at an eight hour mark.
The second most relaxing thing for me is a nice novel and a hot cup of hot chocolate. Reading always relaxes my mind. It takes me to places that can literally only be imagined. It’s somehow helps me forget all the worries of this world. The book literally transports me to a place in time where everything seems magical.
And of course, though I am not a foodie, good comfort food, really relaxes my soul. when I eat food that is prepared by either mom, dad or my elder sister for that moment, everything seems right with the world. It doesn’t matter that I had people yell at me throughout the day all that the frustration at work reached to a point where I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. Home made food always makes me feel better.
And in summation, sleep for the body, read for the mind and eat for the soul. The perfect recipe for relaxing day.
Who doesn’t smile seeing a baby making funny faces. The instant happiness you get seeing a child opening a gift. A little girl baking for her parents birthday and ending up as a flour covered doll. A child dancing in the rain without a care of the world.
For me, seeing the innocence in and other humans, bring an automatic smile to my face.
The world today is a cruel place. There is no place for innocence anymore.
Everyone is forced to grow up soon. Everywhere you turn it feels like the world is just filled with hatred and evil. We no longer see the good in the world. All we do is live in the constant fear of being harmed
Seeing someone being able to appreciate and enjoy the little joy of life brings a tear to my eyes. I wish that the world was little bit nicer so that we could hold onto our innocence, a little bit longer.
Every memory that we make would not be tainted with the fear of what could go wrong, but with just pure emotions of happiness. I wish we could be children again without the fear that knowing this world brings.
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
I am the youngest daughter to my parents. Being the youngest child, I was never left alone that does not go to say that I’m not independent. It just means that there was never a circumstance where I had to be the only person making the decision.
This may not be the last thing I got excited about this definitely is the most significant thing that I got excited about the first time I got to live alone. I had always dreamt of having my own home or a tiny apartment where I could do everything according to my vision.
The first time I stepped into my new home, I felt immense joy and pride. For rhe next few months, whether it be a new rug, or utensils for the kitchen or table cloth for the dinner table. it felt amazing to have that sort of freedom in making the choices that was right for me. I did not have to hide my journals or my artwork in the fear of being judged.
My home, actually reflected what I was, and seeing that made me happy.
When I think about the places I have lived nothing specific comes to mind. If someone want to ask me why I chose to stay in certain place, I really don’t have an answer to it.
It could be because I have never really given it a second thought. In most of the instances I ended up staying in a place because of the stage of life I was in.
As a child, I stayed with my parents, so where their jobs took them. We ended up setting up in those places. When I got older, I chose a place where I wanted to pursue my higher education and when I got even more older, I chose the place, but I got a job.
The one thing that I do know is that I might have chosen those places because of an underlying reason. However, overtime, I made my home in those places. I went out, explore things that I like found reasons to feel happy in the place that I was.
So, in short, what I love about the place where I live, is that I have my home there.
Word Hues 