Tag: mental health

Day 88: When Work Takes Over

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Today was one of those work-intensive days where it felt like I did nothing but grind away at my tasks. By the end, my brain was fried, and all I wanted was to collapse into bed for a deep, uninterrupted sleep. Heads down, lights out.

I tried to recharge with a power nap in the afternoon, but it only made things worse. I woke up with a headache stronger than the one I started with. At one point, I wanted to throw my laptop aside and just run away from it all. I even put on my “work mode” playlist, hoping the music would push me through. But the motivation never came.

Instead, I crawled to the finish line of the day. Eventually, I gave up on completing the task and shut my laptop. Work will still be there tomorrow, but tonight, I need rest. Sleep feels like the only answer.

Day 87: Small Progress Towards Changes

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Today felt like one of those rare days where everything balanced out just right. I started early, easing into the morning before my work calls. Despite preparing myself, I still managed a few funny mishaps during the call — my habit of laughing when I’m embarrassed or stressed made its usual appearance. Thankfully, cameras are not mandatory, or my red ears would have given me away. But honestly, starting the day with laughter set a good tone.

Pain was under control, and I remembered to read my Bible, which grounded me and lifted my spirit. That alone made me feel like the day was off to a meaningful start.

Food was a little unusual today — I ate more than I normally do. Hunger doesn’t usually hit me that hard, but I tried to keep it healthy and paced myself, taking breaks to check in with my body. On top of that, I drank about two liters of water, which is a big step forward for me. It may not be the “ideal” amount, but considering my usual habits, it felt like progress. With summer approaching, I know hydration will be key, so I’m hoping I can slowly grow my habit of hydrating myself.

In the afternoon, I took a break and picked up my sketchpad. I started working on a drawing of Rengoku, my favorite character from Demon Slayer. I don’t know why, probably because his character is completely contradicting to my character. He is just so positive and motivated it always brings a smile to my face. The sketch – I didn’t finish it, but I made significant progress, hopefully, I’ll complete it by the end of the week.

Looking back, today was a good day. A mix of laughter, discipline, creativity, and small victories. Sometimes, it’s not about big achievements but about noticing the little things that make life feel lighter.

Day 86: Celebrating the Win and acknowledging the failure

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This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. For the first time in months, I did something I had been struggling with—reading my Bible before starting the day.

Too often, I pushed it to the end of my schedule, telling myself there were “more important” things to do. Yet deep down, I knew that true healing begins with the soul, and closeness to God is the only way to nurture it. It’s ironic that I neglected this, especially when I remember a phase of my life where everything seemed to go against me, yet I was still happy—because faith gave me hope.

That’s the feeling I want again. The pure joy that isn’t tied to circumstances. Happiness that simply is. Today, that small step felt like my “good thing.”

But in the spirit of being honest about my failures, I have to admit—I bought more things. I feel embarrassed and ashamed, yet also excited about the purchases. That temporary dopamine rush is so addictive. I realize that quitting impulsive spending cold turkey is difficult. Maybe the answer is gradual change: reducing my spending budget, increasing savings, and slowly breaking the craving.

Impulse buying feels like a challenge as big as my junk food habits and poor sleep routine. But acknowledging these struggles is the first step.

This year, I want to work toward meaningful change—bit by bit, choice by choice. Because lasting transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but through consistent, intentional steps.

Day 85: Food, Family and Smiles

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Sometimes, it isn’t about what we achieve in a day but how we spend our time. Today reminded me of that truth in the most delightful way.

The morning began in the kitchen, where my nephews brought with them a whirlwind of chaos, fun, and pure madness. There’s something magical about children—their innocence has a way of making the world’s troubles fade into the background.

Breakfast was french toast and sausages. I stacked the toast high, convinced there would be leftovers. But for kids who spend their days running, playing, and laughing, that pile was nothing more than fuel for their endless energy.

By lunchtime, the excitement moved outdoors. We fired up the grill for a barbecue, and the kids threw themselves into the experience—darting between the kitchen and the grill, proudly carrying marinated chicken one way and sizzling food the other. Their joy was infectious, especially when they hovered around their grandfather, soaking up his presence.

I’ll admit, there were moments when pain crept in while I cooked. Yet, as the day unfolded, the discomfort faded into the background. What remained was laughter, chatter, and the warmth of family.

Later, I sat outside with my mom. We talked about nothing in particular—random things, everyday musings. And yet, it was everything. No looming problems, no heavy thoughts. Just the comfort of conversation and the peace of being together.

As the day closes, I find myself smiling. Not because of any grand achievement, but because of the simple joy of shared meals, laughter, and love.

Yes, today was a good day.

Day 84: Challenges, Courage and Change

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Today felt different. Better. After two long weeks of discomfort and frustration, I woke up with pain that was finally tolerable. My ankle and knee are slowly finding their way back to normal, the swelling has eased, and even my stiff shoulder is beginning to loosen. Yes, there’s still sharp pain when I try to move it, but the range of motion has improved — and that alone feels like progress worth celebrating.

I find myself thankful to God for this healing. I don’t think I did much to bring it about; I only cried out to Him in my pain. Yet, He listened. Sometimes I wonder how Jesus finds the time to care for all His children. I know I can be a handful, but His love never wavers. Even when I am unreasonable, He remains the one who listens. Faith needs nurturing, but His love is constant — and that is my anchor.

Today also brought another small victory: I cooked for my family. It was tiring, but I managed. Cooking has always been my quiet escape, my “me time,” where I lose myself in flavors and creativity. But as I watched my parents eat, I noticed something different. They aren’t the same as before. It feels like the weight of my struggles has spilled over into their lives, leaving them subdued, eating only to fill their hunger. I miss the joy we used to share — even amidst fights and hardships, there was laughter. Now, it feels like the poison of my pain has touched them too. More than anything, I want them to see me happy again. I want to bring light back into their lives.

This year, I’ve decided, will be a year of change. Challenges lie ahead, but I hope to face them with strength and courage. I want to emerge with a lighter soul, one that has found its purpose. Healing isn’t just about the body — it’s about the spirit, the heart, and the bonds we share. And I believe that with faith, love, and perseverance, I can get there.

Day 83:Disconecting from Autopilot

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How do people find something to write about their everyday? I find my life totally uninteresting. I am what people call boring.

Is this what adulthood looks like? A day that start with work and ends with sleep? I am embarrassed about it. I never thought much of it. I have spent months together doing nothing more than just logging on to work and closing my laptop and going to sleep. I never gave it a second thought.

I was missing out on life. I do not get to spend time with my family or my friends. I do not spend time doing things i love – like creating art. Ironically, art became a stress reliever for me rather than something that I spent time with “just because”.

Do others also feel like this? Like their life is losing its purpose. Just going through the motions day after day without any thought to the “why”.

The truth is, everyone needs something to look forward to. A reason to wake up with anticipation instead of resignation. With all the ups and downs in my life I stopped hoping. I was mechanical. . I had no bigger goals or dreams behind it.

Time to reset that part of me. I am going to try making small goals. It is what is suggested you see. Given that I have a history of not staying on course it makes sense. The small wins will encourage me to make larger ones. Hopefully.

Day 82: Good Choices with an Indecisive Food Craving

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Sometimes, the simplest choices make the biggest difference. Last night, I switched off my alarm and let my body decide when it was ready to wake. And it did—naturally, without the usual jolt of sound. That extra rest washed away the exhaustion of yesterday, leaving me lighter, clearer, and grateful.

The ankle swelling did creep up as the day went on, but the pain and limp were noticeably better. In fact, I barely thought about the pain at all today—which says more than any words could. It’s amazing how healing feels when it quietly slips into the background.

Food, however, was a puzzle. I had one of those days where I craved something but couldn’t name what. Nothing on the delivery app spoke to me, and I had no energy to cook. Eventually, I settled for a sandwich—more out of necessity than desire, just so I could take my pills. I don’t even remember how it tasted. It made me realize: I need a list of easy-to-cook recipes for days like this. Meals that don’t demand effort but still fulfill the simple goal of eating. A personal menu I can flip through when my brain refuses to decide.

I also added a sticky note to my desk today—a small but powerful reminder not to make unnecessary “consumer” purchases. It worked. I scrolled through shopping sites, felt the temptation, saw the note, and deleted items from my cart. A tiny act of discipline, but one that saved me from burning a bigger hole in my wallet.

Today was good. I’m thankful for the relief from pain, thankful for the sleep that reset me, and thankful for the restraint that kept my spending in check. Sometimes, a good day isn’t about grand achievements—it’s about listening to your body, honoring your needs, and celebrating the small wins that add up to balance.

Day 80: Sparks from Memories

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Today, I feel content. I may not have checked every box on my to-do list or been super productive, but I’ve done enough. And sometimes, enough is all we need.

This weekend was a reminder of how joy can sneak back into our lives in the most unexpected ways. On Sunday, I met a close friend after fifteen years. You’d think time and distance might change childhood friendships, but it was as if no time had passed at all. There was no awkwardness, no pauses—just endless conversations flowing from one topic to another. It took me back to those carefree days when my biggest worry was passing high school with good grades.

Later that day, I connected with two other close friends over a video call. Even though we weren’t together in person, seeing their faces and their expressions brought me so much comfort. Back when we worked together, they made the tough days bearable. We had long venting sessions that always ended with laughter, and for a moment, everything felt lighter. That call reminded me of those times, and it filled me with gratitude.

I’m carrying an overdose of happiness from the weekend, and I don’t know how long it will last—but for now, I’m holding onto it. I’ve decided not to give away my happy days to worries that can’t be solved. Today, I am happy. And that is enough.

Day 76: Pain and Faith

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Today was gentler than yesterday. The pain was still there—it woke me in the morning and lingered throughout—but it wasn’t as sharp or overwhelming as before.

I began my day with ten quiet minutes reading The Bible. Believe what you may, but I truly felt that those moments with God changed the course of my day. That time of prayer and scripture gave me strength to sit up, breathe through the pain, and carry on.

My mother massaged my stiff joints, and though each press sent jolts through my nerves, the warmth of the hot water bag and her care eased me. It reminded me that healing is not always about the absence of pain, but about finding comfort in the midst of it.

All day I repeated to myself: You are better than you were. Maybe I stumbled in the past few days, but compared to last month, I can walk farther. I can lift my arms a little higher. Progress may be slow, but it is still progress.

I am thankful for today. Even with my failures, I am still standing. And in my standing, I see grace. Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me that I am not alone. Even in pain, You are my hope.

Day 73: Bad Day, Shaken Hope and Still Trying

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This morning I woke up with pain sharper than it’s been in weeks. For a moment, I panicked—was I slipping backward again? The thought drained me. All the hope and motivation I’ve been clinging to since my diagnosis seemed to vanish in that instant. I couldn’t help but ask myself: What’s the point of all the pills, the careful eating, the effort—if I’m not getting better?

I never imagined that “being normal” would become something I yearn for. I hate the limp. I hate the fear of falling. I hate rushing to a chair every ten minutes because standing any longer feels impossible. And being obese makes the weight of it all heavier—not just physically, but emotionally. I worry people look at me and think, She’s fat, of course she has health problems.

Part of me knows these thoughts live mostly in my head. I know not everyone will understand my situation, and I can’t expect them to. But even so, the fear of judgment lingers, and it weighs me down.

That’s why I’m writing this today. Putting my emotions into words helps me release them instead of bottling them up. It’s my way of lightening the load. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up still in pain—but hopefully I’ll also wake up with a little more hope, a little more strength, and a reminder that even on the hard days, I’m still moving forward.