Tag: one day at a time

Day 49: Cold – 1, Productivity – 0

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Have you ever had those days when you feel busy the entire day, yet at the end you realize nothing has really been accomplished? Today was one of those days for me. I woke up with a blocked nose and constant sneezing. The cold has really taken hold and seems to be in the “getting worse” phase. I absolutely hate catching a cold.

Putting the cold aside, I didn’t get much done today—not even the bare minimum. I had planned to start studying this weekend, but even on good days I get distracted easily. Add to that the headache from the cold, and I just didn’t feel like doing it. I wanted at least one small achievement for the day, so I renewed my car insurance, and that was all I managed.

The rest of the day I spent talking with my family and watching Netflix. I really hope the worst of the cold is behind me and that tomorrow I’ll feel better.

Day 48: Fighting Through the First Chill

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I always enjoy organizing things—it feels almost therapeutic to me. I love working in silence and taking my time. In an effort to do a “wardrobe purge,” I have officially succumbed to the first cold of the year. When I was younger, I wasn’t as affected by dusting. But nowadays, anytime I dust without a mask, I end up catching a cold.

I have always been accident-prone, and with my autoimmune condition, I’m not exactly in perfect health. On the other hand, I would take physical pain over the sort of torture that comes with a cold. The headache is simply unbearable. I hate taking medicine, and I become extremely cranky—more cranky than usual. I can’t do anything, and all I want is to lie in bed the whole day under warm blankets.

Fingers crossed for a quick recovery. I have a lot to get done, and I cannot let a small cold stand in my way.

Day 35 to Day 47 – Breaking Free and Moving Forward

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New Year always brings with it resolutions. I am not the kind of person who can stick to a resolution. I always end up breaking it midway through the year. Just missing one day makes me think, “Oh no! The streak is broken. Ah well, next year then.” Over the years, I have given up on many such resolutions. So, this year I am not making any resolutions. I just want to do the things I have always wanted to do. I want to accomplish everything I have kept putting off for “when I get the time.” I want to live with no regrets.

I did stop updating my blog for some time. I think that was mostly on account of the stationery organization I mentioned before. It took me 12 days to get through all of it. Come to think of it, that is really slow, but I am glad I finally finished. Now, it’s time to get back to my blog, my art, and my bucket list.

The years I lost to my inner darkness are something I will never get back. However, going forward, I want to make the most of my life. I have let go of the toxic relationship, and I am choosing to move forward. I feel alive again. I no longer worry about expectations. I have realized that sometimes you need to take the road less travelled. It may be lonely, but it is not miserable.

By the grace of God, I have my family. They stand by me even when it is difficult for them. They don’t completely understand me, but they are still with me. I am blessed— not everyone has their family’s support, but I do. I want to live a better life, first for myself, but also for my family.

It is more challenging than it seems, but I believe I will make it. In fact, I have to make it. I will make it! I will do whatever it takes.

Day 26 to Day 34 – Christmas Joy and Family Time

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The past few days were blissful. I took a break from blogging and all my online activities because I wanted to be present in the moment. I realized I had lost so many moments by isolating myself. Carrying the weight of my emotions had made me toxic. I was always angry—it became my defense mechanism. If I refused to talk to anyone, I wouldn’t have to tell them the truth. I just wanted to hide the pain for as long as possible. I didn’t realize the cost I was paying. On some days, I even felt I deserved it.

Now that the turbulence in my life has finally settled, I want to be happy even if I don’t feel I deserve it. I realized that my pain had been joy for someone else.

So, I took a break from all the pain to focus on my blessings. I spent time with my family. We went on a road trip! A long drive took us to a wellness center. There was some walking and climbing, which really drained me. The long drive made my leg swell, and every step was painful. I wanted to give up and return home, but somehow, by the Grace of God, I made it—and it was worth it. I didn’t need my phone to distract me. Instead, I sat with my family and spoke to them. I listened to many stories about my parents’ childhood and even my own. I don’t remember much from my childhood, so whenever my mother shares an incident I was part of, I end up asking her, “Was that really me?”

Normally, I sleep with a video playing on my phone to get through the night. But during the trip, I slept peacefully and woke up feeling refreshed. We had a camp fire, ate barbecue, laughed at the silly antics of my nephews. We sat hours looking a birds and squirrels. I sat for the whole sunset and it was amazing. I do not remember the last time that I did that.

I did have a small scare, though. I slipped in the bath. It was terrifying—the shampoo soap got into my eyes, and I couldn’t see. I fell on the floor and couldn’t get up. The pain in my legs was excruciating. I thought of calling my family to help me, but I didn’t want them to see me like that. So, I grabbed a towel, wiped away the soap, and forced myself to stand. It wasn’t easy; I kept losing my balance, but somehow I got back on my feet. I thanked God a million times and prayed earnestly that none of my bones were broken. The next day, I woke up with some pain from the fall, but it was tolerable. I thanked God once more for showing me that He may seem far, but He is always near.

I continued to enjoy the rest of the trip, and it was worth it—every single moment. I will always cherish it, and hopefully, next year I’ll go on another trip without the pain.

Day 22: Joy of Small Wins

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For the first time in a year I am finally sleeping in my room. I had to shift to my sister’s room. Her room has an attached bathroom. I could not walk across the hall every time I needed to use the washroom. I used to often cry because of it.

Today I slept in my own bed. Although there was a little pain, I still could make it across the hall without falling. It felt redeeming.

Other highlights of the day, I made lunch today. I once again took my time. It felt good. I also wanted to bake some bread but I was exhausted by the cooking. As such, I choose to stop for the day. Small successes are still a success, I remind myself and then everything feels like a blessing.

Other than that I did not do much else. The weather is so cold all I want to do is curl up under my blanket and sleep.

Day 21: Slow Down

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I have always loved drawing and being creative. I may not be the best at it but I still do love it.

Today I started a new art project, drawing Pokémon characters. I had remaining blank index cards from when I used to make flash cards for studying. I always wanted to use that for something but did not know what. I knew that I wanted to make it like a series but I did not know what.

I finished drawing of 10 out of the 1025 that are there on my Pokedex app. Lets see by the end of 2026 how many am I able to complete.

I always good after spending time on doing something creative. Today was by all means one of the best day that I had in a long time.

Day 20: Family Time

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Today my sister came over with the kids and are staying over night. It’s true what people say when kids are there in a home it has life. My nephews are like little tornadoes. Everything they do is with a bang. There is nothing that can be done in silence. I sat back and let the chaos just engulf me.

Once they tuckered out and was put to sleep was when other thoughts came to my mind. My sister and I sat for hours just talking to our mom. We spoke about school projects that we did and then dad re-did because he just wanted to make it better. We spoke about my girl guide phase which my mom seemed to have forgotten. I took the chance to ask the ever prevailing question of “who is the favorite?”, to which she replies I love lefty and right. We spoke about many other things which was more of reminiscing than active conversation. It felt good.

Today was a busy day but all I can remember was that the day was amazing!

So much so that, I hit save and went to bed instead of hitting post.

Day 19: Holding On through the Pain

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Today I woke up with the pain from yesterday. Even with the pain I tried to get a little things done. The organizing that I started earlier and had to stop because I was exhausted, I did a little more today. I did have to stop it in between again cause the pain started getting a little worse.

I started watching a new K-drama today. It hit a little close to home. I went to a state of panic. I felt like I could not breathe. I thought I was over this feeling. The feeling of dread, the feeling of like someone was choking the air out of my lungs. I knew I was spiraling. I had to take a minute to compose myself. I stopped watching the series and started focusing on my breathing, to center myself. It did not stop the feeling completely. It is there at the back of my mind like a numb pain.

I guess I thought that I was over it. I thought that I had taken control of my life. But it seems that just like my body, my mind and my heart is taking time to heal. The hits have stopped but the old scars are still haunting me.

I do not know how long it is going to take but I am going to keep holding on. One more step towards my healing. Breathe and keep going.

Day 16: Reboot

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It was a long time since I actually enjoyed my work. I used to put music on and then buckle down. I swiftly completed my assigned tasks for the day. However, somewhere along the past 2 years, I lost that part of me.

I got my Spotify wrapped today, and I had not listened to any music for the past 8 months. To me, it was all noise. I never realized what all was stolen from me. How did I let it get this bad? I was losing myself and I did not even realize it. Today, as I opened my favorite playlist and set it to play, it bought back good memories.

It was a good change. People say that one should not go back to old habits but this was a good old habit. I finished my work. For the first time in a long time, I felt satisfied as I closed my laptop.

I made it another day! 🙂

Day 14: Day of Baking

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I know that the word “baking” has a lot of different interpretations. I mean baking as in the cooking in the oven baking.

Today I tried waking up early but the weather outside was so cold! I did not want to leave the comfort of my warm blanket. The cold floor was a nightmare quite literally. I kept snuggling until I realized that I was awake and did not have any sleep left in me.

I definitely had huge plans for today. I went into the kitchen cleaned up the table to make space for my baking stuff. Once that was done, out came the eggs, sugar, flour, baking tins and the other ingredients. The first cake of the the day was a traditional plum cake. I had to keep taking breaks in the process due to my shoulder injury but I made it. It went into the oven to bake.

Meanwhile, when my nephews came over we set out to make a simple chocolate cake. Because according to them it is cake only when it is chocolate!

The plum cake came out okay – a 8 out of 10. The chocolate cake probably needed a little more time – a 6 out of 10. Regardless, I am happy that I could atleast make them this year.

The medicines are working. I may not be out of pain but it is getting better. I am able to stand for longer and do things that I used to. Little steps but little steps are moving me forward.

Thank you Jesus! For teaching me to find happiness in the small things of life.