Everything Together

In my opinion everything about a person makes them unique. I mean you could have two people be good at the same thing but very rarely are they good at all the same things.

Even if one is an identical twin the way they behave, the things they like, the choices they make are so different. That’s why every life is precious cause once you are gone to get another one like you is impossible. You may think you are ordinary or not special (trust me I know the feeling) but there is something special about you.

It may take you sometime and in some cases you may never see it but trust me someone has seen it. You are the perfect combination of things to be the unique person you are!

Daily writing prompt
Which aspects do you think makes a person unique?

Almost Anything

I laugh for the most weirdest situations. Even worse than that, I tend to recall the funny situation and laugh again.

I laugh at myself when I jumble words as I speak or when I confidently address someone with another persons name or even better when I make the most obvious mistake.

I laugh when I see cute baby videos, when they try to attempt something for the first time and fail at it. I laugh even at dog videos or any other baby animals especially the ones with the voice overs.

What I don’t laugh for is Stand up comedy. I think my mind cannot bridge the gap between the actual words and the implied joke and when it actual does the train has left the station.

Considering that we all have a lot in life to cry and grieve over I take every chance I can to smile. I just life in that moment of laughter with a hope that I will have more of those in the days to come.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you laugh?

Happiness

Not to be to philosophical, but I feel we misunderstand what is “true” happiness.

For instance, I love stationery and discovering (and owning)new stationery. I feel happy with I look at my stationery collections and I use it as sort of therapy when I am not having a good day. Just going through them and reorganizing them helps me calm the waves in my mind.

I also love watching K-Dramas with their mostly happy fairytale like ending and of course actual fairytales too. They make me happy too, and some of the comic scenes in them are truly iconic. When I want to disconnect from reality I always turn to my Watch list on Netflix for that much needed break.

Spending time with my family makes me happy too. Just seeing them happy makes all the troubles of life worth it. On the other hand, being an introvert, spending time alone makes me happy too. I love delving into my world of imagination, I am essentially doing noting, but I am still happy.

If you ask me which of these is true happiness I would claim all of it are. It just depends on the time and the reason why you are down to truly understand what you need to be happy again.

Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?

Time before Unknown

I am not sure how technology has changed my job.

By the time I started working computers and wi-fi were old news. I think in today’s world, since the changes happen consistently and rapidly, it just seems like that is the way things always are. It would be extremely difficult to segregate a time before and a time after.

Wish I had more to say but that’s all for today. Hoping for a better topic for tomorrow.

Daily writing prompt
How has technology changed your job?

I wish I could say Never

I do not need a reason to get distracted. Show me a funny looking cloud and I will forget all about my goals.

I find it very difficult to remain focused. So time an again I make resolutions to make myself better. However, I never stick to my goals and always find some reason to not do something. And then, I keep saying I will make up for it the next day, or the next day till it comes to a point when it is too much and I just give up.

This year I am trying something different, no matter how many times I fall off my path to my goals I am going to keep trying till I make good habits. Sooner or later it will stick and once it does… well I don’t know.. I think I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

How Much More…

It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.

Cry & Scream

I was taught “big girls don’t cry” when I turned 8. Fast forward through the years, every time I cried I was scolded.

When I was younger, I was told that I had “crocodile tears” that were not sincere and so slowly I taught myself not to cry. I thought by not crying I was showing maturity. Little did I know that I was slowly piling up the all the hurt in my heart.

It took me some time to figure it out but crying is a reset button set by God for us to just cope with the negativity around us.

When I am tired of keeping that strong willed face for the world, I come back to my room and just cry and scream. That time I spend crying helps me acknowledge the pain I am feeling and helps me forgive myself for failing. It calms the rising tides of emotions in my heart well enough to give me the strength to pick up my broken pieces and face the world once again.

It does not matter who you are, what you have been told, or your circumstances — take a minute to cry, not to show the world, but for yourself. In my opinion, it’s the best recourse to take when you feel things are falling apart. Off load the pain a little bit to get the courage to carry on.

Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

Make It or Break It

Destiny…

I think that word brings a sort of relief to people. That one word invokes in us the feeling that some things are just meant to be, whether it be good or bad.

It’s easy to accept things as they come but fighting for something, it gives us a purpose. When we constantly fight against “destiny” it feels exhausting and there are times we feel that we just need to give up.

I believe in making my own destiny. The world puts us in situations that sometimes compels us to do things that we never wanted to do. I could just give up and blame it on fate. But I have noticed that every time I have pushed back on this so called fate my life has changed. For that change to happen, I do go through a lot of pain but when I finally do succeed it was totally worth the fight.

I believe in fate but in the fate that I have built and not the one that people say is written in the stars for me.

Daily writing prompt
Do you believe in fate/destiny?

Sweet Tooth

I believe with all my heart that I like most kids loved all kinds of candy. As I grew up though I started to loose my interest of most kind of candies.

There are however a few of them that have continued to hold a place in my heart. Kit Kat is my forever favorite! I simply love the Hazelnut chocolate flavor. I know there are other chocolates with the same taste but those wafer covered chocolates will always be my first choice.

I also love the Heartbeat candies.. Especially the purple colored ones. I have not eaten them in a long time but I still have the memory of the taste and it is just amazing.

I am not sure it would be considered as a candy. But when talking about my favorite sweet food item, Loacker cube wafers cannot be excluded. I could eat a whole bag of it at one go. Even though now I don’t prefer having a lot of candies, I still I could binge eat them today.

All these are stuff I have been having since my childhood so I guess they are part of my core memories. I can just close my eyes and imagine their taste.

Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite candy?

Heart ache

When you are a kid the worst thing that can happen would be breaking up with your best friends. We get so attached to people who were strangers. That on one day when they just say things that are so mean we wither a little.

I was a very emotional person, the first time I fought with my “best” friend I fell apart. This short note was written amidst flowing tears and a hand wrapped around my mouth to stifle the noise of crying. When I think of it today I wonder to myself – How could I have been that naive? Anyways, I got over that and many more worst situations. Glad that I made it.

WHEN ONE’S HEART ACHES

When one’s heart aches what can they think,
what can they tell, what can they shed nothing at all…
When a person heart breaks it shattered into a million pieces,
just one hit, yet no sound is heard..
When one’s heart is stabbed a million times the wound deepens but is noticed by none.
It happens in just a second but nobody knows.
When a person loses all hope,
When living has no meaning,
When dying makes no sense,
When emotions die out,
When positivism is replaced by negativism,
When love has gone away.
When loneliness grabs you,
When silence surrounds you,
When happiness is replaced by grief,
When you think it will never be your day,
When memories taunt you,
When ambitions scare you,
When dreams tear you,
When one’s heart aches..

A time when you only think about this world.
A time when the Lord stands so near,
Waiting for you to turn to Him.
When the love of God captures you,
When you know you can live on,
When you realize the life isn’t bad.
When you know that, He is there to help you at a turning or crossroad.
When the lost smile returns in a while,
When He lifts you from the pit of misery,
When He gives His happiness to you as a gift.
When a one’s heart aches, He must run to God and not to human fraud.
Dear Lord, lead me, mould me and teach me Your ways.
Help me forget all of my sadness,
With You I get forever gladness,
May I be forever happy with You even if my heart aches..