Breathe Again

Since I have missed on a couple of the daily prompts guess now onwards will be the challenge to continue writing everyday.

It seemed appropriate to start with why I started the blog. Initially, it was just about a social media presence. I restarted my blog when I had a complete reset. I realized that though in daily life I am quiet silent I had a lot to say. I chose to stay alone because I felt that no one could understand me. Then, I started writing poems as a way to manage my emotions, fear.. Sometimes when I read them over I feel that those words have absorbed the pain.

I hope that maybe someone out there can read and realize that suffocating feeling happens to many. And most of them if not all choose to bear it in silence so that the people they love don’t feel their pain.

I hope that my little insignificant blog would help them to remember to keep breathing. It may hurt bad for sometime but slowly you learn to find a way to smile despite that. You don’t bury the pain away, but rather acknowledge it. You learn to breathe again!

Certificates to be stored away

I have gone to a business school and personally I don’t think it added to my professional capability in any way. I took a break from school to work and earn enough to go to college hoping that once I have a degree it would make me better at my job.

Fast forward, after completing my graduation and working for some years, I figured out that it was never about what was taught in the four walls of the lecture hall or the high GPA. It was always about how you as an individual figured things out. I apply about 5 % of what I learnt at my workplace. Everything else that I do is about trial and error.

My parents say a child never knows the flame can burn unless they actually touch it and feel the heat. Experiences is what makes one successful. I am extremely thankful for my experiences that has helped me grow.

I have learnt that some days even when you are right you would have to wait to be right. I learnt that anyone can have an education but only few get knowledge. I learnt that sometimes working in silence is the most offensive response you can give. And most importantly. that knowledge has to be shared without the fear of someone getting ahead.

As far as my degrees go, they are locked away somewhere in the bottom drawer of my cabinet. They gather dust and age serving as reminders that how the importance of certain things keep changing over time.

So, to all the students out there get your degrees, you may not come in first in college and that is okay. A degree does not define you, your personality and attitude does and you should never forget to build and improve on that.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What colleges have you attended?

Keepsakes

For me many things trigger memories and I have accumulated a lot of keepsakes to remind me of the happy moments. People say that you never forget the happy memories if you truly cherish them. But sometimes when we are emotionally worn-down and every single thing in the world feels like a burden it is those keepsakes that help me remember.

I have kept old photos, old toys, small notes passed between classes, and gifts given by friends. They remind me of a time where I loved everything about my life, where the burdens of the world did not weigh me down and each and every moment was an opportunity to feel loved and feel joy.

To name one, I have a picture a of view outside the very same window that my sister had taken over 5 years ago. The pictures shows the changes that has occurred to the landscape. Earlier there was probably two sky scrapers at a distance but in my picture those very same sky scrapers look like a tiny building.

Those set of pictures really remind me on how many things have changed over the years. Whether you consider it good or bad that really depends, but change, happens.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you feel nostalgic?

Divine Grace

From my childhood I was fascinated by my name. Unlike most of my friends and my spelling was derived from French and most of the people I met always found it difficult to pronounce my name. Initially, I used to get easily frustrated and angry because it seemed like they were butchering my name. But since then, I have found the meaning of my name and the roots of it’s pronunciation I figured that there is a high chance that people won’t get it.

My name is a derivative of the name Anne which means favor and grace and is found in The Bible. My mother said I was named after Samuel’s Mother who found favor in God’s eyes and had Samuel. The name also represents a person who is strong-willed, funny and has compassion.

I think true to my name my whole life is by the Grace of Jesus. Even when I am broken and alone in my most darkest place He has taken care of me. Even without me asking He has done everything for me. If today I am still alive it is because of His continuing mercy. I hope one day soon I can be worth of the Grace He has bestowed on me.

Bloganuary writing prompt
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.

Explorer within Four Walls

If I were to write down the places next to home I still have not visited it would end up being a very long list. I have lived with very protective parents and going alone somewhere was never a possibility. Added to that, I an introvert and quite lazy I would prefer to explore places within the confines of my room.

On a general note, I prefer to visit places where I can just sit and breathe. I love mostly visiting places when the air is dewy and the sun is hot enough to keep me warm but not that it makes me sweat. I appreciate visiting a place when I can hear the sounds of nature over the noise of the busy city. I love those moments when the mind slows down without having the constant thoughts in my head that people are judging me.

Probably one of the reasons why I chose to get lost in the worlds that books bring me. Just a comfortable chair and good light is all I need to enjoy exploration. But maybe someday soon I will choose to venture out to the real world and explore the wonders it holds.

Bloganuary writing prompt
Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.

Still a Mystery to Me

Mission simply put would be the reason of one’s existence. When I was young I really never paid heed to the more philosophical aspects of life. One would think, the older you get one ends up finally understanding what is their life’s purpose. I guess I still have not got around to it.

I think presently I am just picking up my broken pieces and gluing them back together. Today, my only mission if you would have it is to be happy. Not the kind of fleeting happiness but to have the kind of happiness that lasts and that I can share. I may not have a larger purpose of my life yet but on a generic terms it would probably be not to be negative. Everything else I should be able to achieve without the constant nagging in my mind.

It is never to late I still have time to find my life’s purpose. Hopefully sooner than later.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What is your mission?

Let’s run the Other Way

Not to fall into the typical cliché that most girls don’t like sports. I really wish that I was good at any sports. However, as fate would have it I am on one the most clumsiest person in the world. I always say this to people “Show me a level ground and I will trip on it.” It is not intentional though. I really try but seems like my body just does not want to listen to my brain.

I do enjoy watching sports though tennis, badminton, football, cricket and so on. There is one kind of sport that some people would disagree is a sport, which is Figure Skating. I just love watching how the skaters glide on that ice to the rhythm. It seems effortless but only the people who actually are in that position know the difficulty of it. It is just mesmerizing for me to watch.

As far as me ever playing a sport, it seems like an impossible scenario. But, it never has nor will it ever in future stop me from enjoying the occasional joy I get from watching it on TV.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your favorite sports to watch and play?

Worlds yet to Explore

Reading to me has also being a gateway into something beyond reality. When everything seems bleak around me picking up a book and turning those few pages makes everything fascinating again.

I love reading all kinds of books mysteries and thrillers in particular. But, the genre I have come to appreciate the most is “Magical Realism”. I enjoy the possibility of the existence of magic in the real world. I fantasize of being in a world where I could have magic too.

I have read most of the popular book series during the start of the bibliophile part of my life. But the most surprising one for me was the series “Dark Visions Trilogy” it may have been an older series but I simply loved it. Even today, I love to go back and read them when I get the chance.

When I am asked what I want to read the only answer I have to that is “If it’s a book that would disconnect me from the boring reality called life, I will read it!”.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What books do you want to read?

Together everything is better

With working parents we didn’t always have the whole family together. But the one thing that we always did together was putting up the Christmas tree. We stayed up on December 1st every year and decorated the whole house for Christmas. Both my parents no matter how tired we they were from their long hours of work they stayed up with us.

Every year we tried changing up the way we decorated and came up with new ideas on how to do it. We have made a nativity set out of clay, decorations for the tree using eggshells of the Christmas Cake, stars out of thermocol… and so many other things. It was not always aesthetically pleasing but my parents appreciated with so much love.

True, we may not have had a lot of time with the whole family around but we did not miss out on anything. And I guess though not a family tradition when all of us were together we had happy times and that was what mattered.

Bloganuary writing prompt
Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

Miscommunication

Now this is a question I certainly should not answer.

Communication of any sort has been a problem for me. What I mean and what I actually say always end up being different. Funny thing is when I take a step back and rethink I understand why people react the way they do the first time around. I noticed that the best form of communication I have is when my words usually swirl in my mind and then onto paper.

Considering that, you would think I love writing emails, or posting on social media. However, it is not the case. Guess I like talking to myself most of the time. 🙂

This year around, I have started to make a change. I now have started with my blog (more like continued) and soon the many videos and tutorials are going to start showing up in my prospective YouTube channel. Fingers crossed. Here’s to adopting change!

Bloganuary writing prompt
In what ways do you communicate online?