Tag: blogging

Day 7: The Turning point

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Today was probably the turning point in my life—the one I had been waiting for. I have nothing holding me back anymore. Now, if I don’t take steps in the right direction, I will have only myself to blame.

Step by step, I am going to push myself to look at the bright side. Even on days when it feels incredibly hard, I will try. I am determined to create a purpose in my life—something worth living for.

To begin, I want to make a bucket list. I used to wonder what the point of it was. I kept thinking that I didn’t deserve happiness, that I had no right to be happy because I wasn’t perfect.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Happiness isn’t about whether you deserve it or not. Happiness is found in those moments that help us overcome the sad ones. I am going to embrace every happy moment life offers me, and I will be grateful for each one.

Cheers to a day of clarity!

Doom Scrolling & Impulse Shopping

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Daily writing prompt
What could you do less of?
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Over the last year, the coping mechanism I adopted for the stress I was facing was spending hours on my phone. There was a day when I scrolled for nearly 11 hours—11 hours! That’s almost half a day.

The irony is that I actually watched videos about doom scrolling, yet I still kept scrolling. Even though I’ve tried restricting myself, consistency has always been an issue. For two days I set a timer on the app, and on the third day I removed it.

I dislike traditional shopping sprees. However, that hasn’t stopped me from spending hours scrolling through shopping apps to find just the right thing to buy. In most cases, the items I purchase aren’t things I need. They’re things I buy for instant gratification. I usually make these purchases when my mood is low.

I’m hoping that by starting good habits, I will slowly and gradually let go of these unhealthy coping mechanisms. This year was a nightmare, but now that I’m at the end of it, I finally feel like I’m waking up. For the first time in months, I feel hope. I want to live—not just survive, but truly be happy.

Breaking Free

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Daily writing prompt
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
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You read about it. People in toxic relationships. I read about it too. People so lost.. so alone. All the while having thoughts in your head – “It’s your fault” , “Be Better”, “You have done something wrong”, “You should have tried harder”.

While the toxic relationship is hard enough to bear the torture cage that the mind makes is even worse.

I broke free. I thought I did. Never knew that my mind would be the one that keeps me locked in. It took me a year. A year of self hate. A year of blaming myself. A year of locking myself away. A year of hiding from my family. A year of not letting myself be happy.

This year, I finally stopped punishing myself. I gave it my best. Somethings are just not worth holding on to. Not everything that happens in life is for good. Sometimes you need to break away to start living again. And I finally did.

This is year I finally broke free!

Day 6: Back on my Feet

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After days of excruciating pain I am back on my feet.

I want to get better so bad. I hate being sick. I hate the pain. I hate limping and having to sit every 5 minutes. I feel like a burden.

I know the disease will be something that I need to live with for the rest of my life. But, I want to have some semblance of normalcy. I want to be able to walk without support. I want to be able to climb up stairs. I want to not see the pain and concerns in my family’s eyes as I struggle to make it across the room.

I know I have a lot of damage and that it is going to be a slow recovery process. Just that some days the pain feels a little more worse. It just feels like there is no end to the pain. I do not want to fall into a gloom thought process. But somedays keeping the hope is a little bit difficult.

Today was that difficult day but somehow I got through. I got through it because I was with my family. My sister came over with the kids and we spent the whole afternoon putting up the Christmas decorations. The loud screaming and lame jokes kept my mind in it’s happy space.

Today was a difficult day but somehow it ended with me having a good memory to hold on to.

Day 5: Feeling Bored

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It’s just been the fifth day of me, trying to maintain a consistent habit of writing a blog. I am already feeling like just giving up.

More than writing a blog consistently, I wanted to keep this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to the changes that I want to make in my life. I keep stalling on things such as waking up early and trying to exercise or even meditate for that matter.

The worst part of it all is that I still have not started reading my bible every day. I really want to be closer to God before I close my eyes not for the fear of hell or death. I just feel guilty that He was the one person that showed me consistent love, and I haven’t even begun to start loving him back.

Starting tomorrow I am going to make that conscious effort to read the bible and prayer before I start my day. Hopefully one day it becomes a necessity rather than a forced habit.

Nature’s Wild Side

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Daily writing prompt
Do you ever see wild animals?
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In everyday life, spotting a wild creature isn’t common. However, there have been moments when I’ve crossed paths with them unexpectedly.

On rare occasions, I’ve seen small foxes or coyotes. Truthfully, I can’t always tell them apart. When I see one, my instinct is to close my eyes and run the other way. It’s not rational, but fear doesn’t always listen to reason. Snakes are another story. I’ve come across a few, and the experience was terrifying. They are just creepy.

I remind myself that every creature was created by God. Animals usually don’t harm humans unless they feel endangered. Yet I think – what if I’m not a danger, but instead, dinner? That possibility keeps my fear alive.

Despite these fears, I love going on safari trips. There’s something blissful about watching animals from a safe distance, seeing them in their natural habitat. You can’t help but wonder what intricate details God has put into making this world.

Day 4: Loosing the Momentum

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Writing has always been my de-stressing solution. I think it gave me some stability to the emotional turmoil in my mind.

I set a time clock for myself. I knew that writing was the first thing that would bring me back. It would give me even a semblance of what I used to be.

I don’t want to be as oblivious as I used to be. However, I do want to be the person who used to find a reason to smile everyday. Not a fake smile or a forced one but rather on that comes out of genuine joy. I want to look at the positive side of things.

Today was a little bit difficult, my mind was pushing against me. It was like – “Is there even a point?” , “No one cares”. But I made it through, I charged my laptop and logged on my day.

This may not be an inciteful blog post but it is me pushing myself to be better.

Can’t Choose One

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Daily writing prompt
Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?
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I do not travel much. My inherent fear of getting lost always holds me back.

When I do choose to travel, it is always to places I have wanted to visit for a long time. I love every place that I have visited. I usually prefer visited calm places that is not very crowded.

The latest places I visited was the Descanso Gardens. Instead of going in the evening when people come to see the light show, I went in the morning. I took a break from the work week and I went to calm my mind. What I thought would be a quick visit I ended up walking around for 4 hours. I never even realized.

The nature that surrounded me was just amazing. No worry about people or the worries that were plaguing my mind. There were so many people out there just for walks and most of them greeted me with a smile.

I would definitely suggest it to people who love to walk. It’s perfect for those wanting just a break from the daily hustle of life.

Day 3: Forcing myself to stay consistent

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Today was a little bit difficult. I had to go out to deal with some personal stuff. Then I spent the rest of the day distracting myself.

I did not get anything much done. In fact, I did not want to get anything done. I spoke to my sister about my health and took a reality check with her. It was good. I may have not dealt with every challenge of today but I dealt with at least one.

Writing this blog was a struggle. Part of me just wanted to switch off and drift into a lazy day of scrolling. But then I remembered that this blog was the one thing I wanted to be consistent. Enforcing good habits one at a time.

Silly Little Things

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Daily writing prompt
Share five things you’re good at.
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Five things I am good at…

a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.

b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.

c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.

d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.

e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.