It’s just been the fifth day of me, trying to maintain a consistent habit of writing a blog. I am already feeling like just giving up.
More than writing a blog consistently, I wanted to keep this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to the changes that I want to make in my life. I keep stalling on things such as waking up early and trying to exercise or even meditate for that matter.
The worst part of it all is that I still have not started reading my bible every day. I really want to be closer to God before I close my eyes not for the fear of hell or death. I just feel guilty that He was the one person that showed me consistent love, and I haven’t even begun to start loving him back.
Starting tomorrow I am going to make that conscious effort to read the bible and prayer before I start my day. Hopefully one day it becomes a necessity rather than a forced habit.
a. Zoning Out – Maybe not a good behavior. But sometimes, when there is endless nonsense being spewed at you it is a good skill to have. Its not about running away from the world rather deciding when to focus and when to let go.
b. Laughing at myself – While this took sometime to learn, I have learnt to laugh at my mistakes. I try my best not to let my old mistakes to haunt me.
c. Writing – I may not be expert level but for a beginner I am not half bad. It is something that brings out the best in me and I love it.
d. Singing – In my family, being part of a choir is practically a rite of passage. Singing comes naturally to me, even though I’m not the best, I can hold a tune.
e. Cooking – Lets be clear, I can’t cook food that will end up in a food magazine. It ain’t going to be pretty but I try my best to make it tasty. I love making food for my family.
I am a calculated impulsive buyer. I do not know if that makes sense.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
It’s just that when I really want to buy something especially if the item in question is on the higher end of my usual spending bracket I take my time.
The “take my time” statement does not make sense when I call my self impulsive. Self Contradictory. To put things into perspective, the desire to buy is impulsive. As soon as I see something I like I want to buy it! The only thing that restricts me is my need for financial stability.
I end up saving for the item first. I take my time and restrict my expenses to the come up with the money to buy it. Sometimes by the time I save the money the item is out of the market and I loose the chance to buy it. However, on the other hand there are few items that I did end up buying.
My largest spends till date are: my Samsung Flip phone, my iPad and my Sony Camera. These may not be “pricey” according to some peoples standards but with my education expenses buying even these were a challenge.
Totally worth the wait and worth the cost! I think the wait to buy it made the actual purchase even more special!
This prompt is something you really need to think about. My instant thought when I think of sacrifice is all the things that I had to give up in life. When I had to walk past a toy that I really wanted because it was too costly. When I had to give away my gifts because my cousins had lesser. When I had to give up my dream degree because my parents didn’t want to be alone.
But now that I have taken a minute, they were never sacrifices. They were choices that I had to make with age. After you grow up these childhood “sacrifices” you realize were just things that you had to let go. It was about choosing between two things. I was not giving up anything for anybody.
Sacrifice is when my parents gave up on pursuing their education to save up for my future education. They gave up their health because check ups “costly” or “not required”. The real reason was they wanted to provide for the family even if it meant that they become sicker. Even when they were tired and exhausted just one whine from me and they would carry me in their arms.
Sacrifice is what my sister did. When we were children, she always gave the bigger piece of the chocolate she loved. She is immensely talented. However, when there was a school program she never gave her name because my parents could not afford paying for us both. She didn’t pursue her career dream because that meant that I could not afford to have a dream.
But the biggest sacrifice of all is what Jesus did for me. We do not like when we get punishment when we do something wrong. He was punished when he did nothing wrong. He took that punishment without a word of protest so I could be guilt free. He gave His life for me so I could have life. When sins closed my way to God He broke down the walls to pull me closer.
Sacrifices are those that can never be paid back. All I can hope is be worthy of the sacrifices made for me. Maybe one day when I does come to me I also am willing to sacrifice for the people I love.
I have a lot older things but they are safely kept in my box of memories.
The only item I do wear everyday is my cross pendant that my mother gifted me. Over the years I have changed the chains multiple times. However, I always add my pendant to the new chain.
I love wearing the cross its the first thing my mother bought for me after a long time. Not as a birthday gift or a gift for an occasion. She just randomly came up to me one day and gave me the box with the pendant. It isn’t anything fancy or over the top. But the worth it holds for me is far beyond words.
My cross is the constant reminder that I am never alone. If ever I am stressed I automatically touch the cross and I remember that God is always with me. I hope that I can keep the cross with me as long as I am alive and maybe pass it along as a heirloom.
I am not much of fruits or vegetable person. I think my mind rejects any sort of healthy food. Despite this I do like some fruits:
a. Bananas My mom made sure banana was part of my regular diet through out my childhood. She used to tell me that it gave me strong bones. So I used to eat it without much complain. I am glad she did. Though not as often as I would like, it is probably the only fruit that I eat without someone forcing me.
b. Apples Another scam by my mother “Apple a day keeps the doctor away”. I may not have gone to the doctor for a lot of colds and flu. But keeping the doctor now that is another matter. I had multiple “accidents” through out my childhood. The number or times I have broken my bones exceed the number of bones my whole family have broken put all together. Needless to say, I was a kept my parents in a constant state of worry every time I step out of the house.
c. Grapes Grapes are hands down my favorite! I love them! Green, Red, Black doesn’t matter. Its fun to eat just like popcorn. Just wash it well and eat. Also, the added fancy of it being part of many royal scene depictions. I used to love eating it directly from the bunch like I was a king.
d. Mango I love eating them both raw and ripe. Raw mango with a little bit of chilli powder and salt make for a perfect snack. The blisters from it are totally worth it. On the other and ripe mango is like ice cream. Its just tasty! No more words needed.
e. Jackfruit They are seasonal and I do not eat much of it. But it tastes so good. the hassle for cleaning it up is something that deters me. My father loves the fruit so he does all the cleaning all I have to do is sit beside him and patiently wait as he cleans. This fruit brings back happy memories. I remember me and my sister used to keep count to ensure that no one got more than their fair share.
You meet over a million people in your lifetime. Most of the instances, they are just people who come into your life and leave without any impact. Some of them come into your life and tear you down. And if your lucky some of them come into your life to change it for the better.
There was a time in my life I did not know I was depressed. I just thought I was lazy and sad. It was God who helped me then. My faith brought me out of that mess. I still don’t know how I recovered.
In other instances, God sent me amazing friends in my life. They stood by me and started showing me that there was a part of that was beautiful. They showed me my worth. I can’t take compliments. It makes me feel weird. I feel like I don’t deserve it. However, these friends never gave up on me. They keep giving me reasons to smile, pulling me out of the darkness when I felt like I was drowning. Whenever I was down, they never asked questions, they just pulled me into a hug and stayed like that till I could breathe again.
If they ever read this, you know who you are. Thank you for being the amazing person you are! I hope all of you make more friends because I am sure you will definitely bring smiles to their life. In this world where most days are filled with tribulation, people need a break. They need someone who will stop time and be there and bring a little spark of joy into life.
To put “Freedom” simply it would be the opportunity to make your own choices without the fear of consequence.
Being free is to being in control. I mean on every second of your life. There shouldn’t be any other human that forces you into making a choice you do not want. I do not want to ever lower my eyes into submission. Every consequences of my life I face I want to to be completely because I decided it. I do not want to ever have that thought – “I should not have agreed to what they said.”
The choices can be anything. It can be how I dress, what I eat, when I choose to do something, how I choose to do it. This list goes on. I have seen a lot of documentaries where humans have experienced the treatment of being mere puppets. They were broken and shattered just for others fun. While I have never been subject to that kind of experience I think everyone experiences some degree of subjugation.
For example, I think most women even today have thoughts that limit them. When I want to wear a particular dress I should have the choice to wear it without having the thought of – “Will someone judge me?”. I should not be worried about how people perceive me. Neither should I be worried about – “Am I allowed to wear this?”.
Most people grow out of it and learn to stand up for themselves. The time that different people take to reach that level is different. I always encouraged and supported my friends to speak up for themselves. I am ashamed to admit it that when it came chance for me to speak up for myself… I failed. I had to take a lot of hits to my self esteem. It took every ounce of will power I had to break free. To this day, I struggle sometimes but I will never stop claiming my freedom.
Hope to all those with me, ahead of me and just starting in their journey to fight for their freedom. Its difficult but you will get there.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? The standard question that was asked in all my interviews. I absolutely hate it!
I mean I could give a shocking answer like: “Who knows! Maybe in the afterlife!” but I never did give that. I gave the standard I hope to reach a management position. If only reality was that easy.
To be truthful, I have a good career now. I do not know if I will be able to continue in this career given that the world keeps changing around me. But one thing I do want to do is maybe be good enough to teach the next person the job. I want to make things easier for the next person in my shoes and hopefully end up with a career when doing that.
Photo by Karyme Franu00e7a on Pexels.comPhoto by Monstera Production on Pexels.com
Who has seen tomorrow, I have today and the only thing I have for tomorrow is hope.
I think the first and only time we went for a live performance was when I was 8 or 9 years old.
The memory I quite vague but it was a live performance of Pokémon. I don’t remember much of the actual performance but I have blurry memories of the characters. I remember seeing Ash and Pikachu, and oddly, I remember Team Rocket in the “sky”.
I remember sitting in the park, which had an amphitheater area, I remember buying popcorn, and a ring that had flashing lights. But the most distinct memory I have is of the Pikachu balloon that my mom bought for me. It was those helium inflated Pikachu shaped ones, and I was thoroughly fascinated by it. I carried it around the home with me for the rest of the week. Wherever I went, my Pikachu came with me.
But, watching another live performance once in my life is on my bucket list of things to do before I die. Hopefully, sooner than later!
Word Hues 