Tag: change

Not so much of a Ritual

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My first hour of the day depends on when I slept the night before.

I am a night person. I generally sit long hours in the night to get things done and end up waking late. The constant in my mornings would be brushing teeth, shower and maybe going through all my notifications on my phone. I know not a very healthy habit but what can I say?

I would like to include some healthy habits like maybe morning prayers or exercise or meditation or drinking water… I mean something that I could be proud about.. But it is never to late. I am gonna keep trying to make better habits and maybe someday soon I will get it write.

Daily writing prompt
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?
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I wish I could say Never

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I do not need a reason to get distracted. Show me a funny looking cloud and I will forget all about my goals.

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Designed by Freepik

I find it very difficult to remain focused. So time an again I make resolutions to make myself better. However, I never stick to my goals and always find some reason to not do something. And then, I keep saying I will make up for it the next day, or the next day till it comes to a point when it is too much and I just give up.

This year I am trying something different, no matter how many times I fall off my path to my goals I am going to keep trying till I make good habits. Sooner or later it will stick and once it does… well I don’t know.. I think I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
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How Much More…

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It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.

If Autumn had Snow..

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I love the cold! I love the winter and I love the snow! Yes, there are the downsides to it but it is totally worth it.

However, it is me, I would never have a straight forward answer to a question and have a similar conundrum for this question as well. I love Autumn too. I love the skies, the falling leaves, the soft breeze that weather brings. I am not sure if it ever happens in nature, but if I could have a weather that combines all the aesthetics of autumn but also has the added bonus of snow, I guess then I have a definitive answer.

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Designed by Freepik

I think I have romanticized the concept of autumn in my mind so much, just a fallen leaf on the ground makes me happy. And snow is snow! It reminds me of a happier time! So I love both of those weathers equally and so I am not going to make a choice. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite type of weather?
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In their Own Way

Published on by wordhues3 Comments

When I think of a teacher who has influenced me, more than one of them that come to my mind. I think each of them has influenced a different aspect of my life.

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My English teacher, was so appreciative of a poem I wrote for her on her birthday. She literally went around the college and showing it off to all the other teachers. Her happiness on something that I felt was so small for the first time made me believe that I was good with words. I always remember her when I sit to write and I always remember how she cherished what I gave her.

My Econometrics teacher, called me aside one day and asked me to not stop studying. She told me that I was capable to get a PHD. I have always been an average student and believed that I was just common, a person who just gets by. When she said that I had such potential, at first I was taken by shock, but then the feeling of warmth filled my heart. It was from then that I stopped limiting myself to what others thought of me.

I could keep listing other instances where my teachers have influenced my life from time to time. And that is why, I believe each teacher in my life has changed me some way of the other.

Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
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Be Me…

Published on by wordhues6 Comments

I am not an easy person to like. Partly, cause I am always guarded when around people. I do not want to say things that could unintentionally hurt someone. I think sometimes we just need a break from the constant façade we put up to face the world.

I would like to have more time to be the unfiltered me. To do things without scrutiny from others and say things without the fear of judgement. I think I can be quite a nice person to get to know and it would be nice not to have to put on a fake face.

I think when I am me I can be happier. I can be more creative and restful. Just thinking of it makes me feel at rest.

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Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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Conflicted

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Maybe… Maybe not.. I do not need another person’s judgement to put my mind in turmoil.

I think it arises from the need to wanting to make the “right” decision. I am scared of what my decisions will result in. What if someone gets hurt? What if I don’t end up happy with the results? I don’t have the record for the best life decisions and that make me want to analyze each an every possibility. But who am I kidding, I am no Dr. Strange, no matter how much I think there will be a 100 different possibilities that I did not think of.

It takes a little effort but sometimes I think I need to make decisions without having all the cards on the table. Like some would say enjoy the choice forget about the outcome, we will cross that bridge when it comes.

However, as of now I remain conflicted, my emotions and my thoughts battle it out in my mind.

Daily writing prompt
What is one word that describes you?
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Journey in a Car

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Though I love riding on by bike, for a cross country trip, I think that a car would be most suitable.

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For one, I think it’s safer than a bike also I would be able to stop where I want and just enjoy the scene. Also, not having to lug around my luggage everywhere seems like nice thing. And the best part, I could park it somewhere and take a nap when required.

Not to lie though, the thought of travelling actually makes me anxious. I am not used to travelling alone but when I actual do travel it has always been an amazing experience.

Daily writing prompt
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
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Everyone I Know

Published on by wordhues2 Comments

Everyone at some point in their life is confident. I always inspired by the people around me.

It’s a wonder to see how people rise up to occasions. You would think school is a minefield. You always get put on the spot, but there are some people even in situations like that are able to confidently navigate the situation.

And just when school gets over, we find the real world is a whole new game. Everything you do is scrutinized and judged. I was so scared of everything I did. But the more I observed the more I realized that no one has everything figured out. Even the smartest person made mistakes but the thing they did different was that they never paid heed to their failures.

They faced every situation with the best attitude and accepted the results no matter what. I am learning to be confident in myself, if not always, at least in certain situations to begin with.

Daily writing prompt
Who is the most confident person you know?
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Cry & Scream

Published on by wordhues7 Comments

I was taught “big girls don’t cry” when I turned 8. Fast forward through the years, every time I cried I was scolded.

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Designed by Freepik

When I was younger, I was told that I had “crocodile tears” that were not sincere and so slowly I taught myself not to cry. I thought by not crying I was showing maturity. Little did I know that I was slowly piling up the all the hurt in my heart.

It took me some time to figure it out but crying is a reset button set by God for us to just cope with the negativity around us.

When I am tired of keeping that strong willed face for the world, I come back to my room and just cry and scream. That time I spend crying helps me acknowledge the pain I am feeling and helps me forgive myself for failing. It calms the rising tides of emotions in my heart well enough to give me the strength to pick up my broken pieces and face the world once again.

It does not matter who you are, what you have been told, or your circumstances — take a minute to cry, not to show the world, but for yourself. In my opinion, it’s the best recourse to take when you feel things are falling apart. Off load the pain a little bit to get the courage to carry on.

Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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