Happiness

Not to be to philosophical, but I feel we misunderstand what is “true” happiness.

For instance, I love stationery and discovering (and owning)new stationery. I feel happy with I look at my stationery collections and I use it as sort of therapy when I am not having a good day. Just going through them and reorganizing them helps me calm the waves in my mind.

I also love watching K-Dramas with their mostly happy fairytale like ending and of course actual fairytales too. They make me happy too, and some of the comic scenes in them are truly iconic. When I want to disconnect from reality I always turn to my Watch list on Netflix for that much needed break.

Spending time with my family makes me happy too. Just seeing them happy makes all the troubles of life worth it. On the other hand, being an introvert, spending time alone makes me happy too. I love delving into my world of imagination, I am essentially doing noting, but I am still happy.

If you ask me which of these is true happiness I would claim all of it are. It just depends on the time and the reason why you are down to truly understand what you need to be happy again.

Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?

I wish I could say Never

I do not need a reason to get distracted. Show me a funny looking cloud and I will forget all about my goals.

I find it very difficult to remain focused. So time an again I make resolutions to make myself better. However, I never stick to my goals and always find some reason to not do something. And then, I keep saying I will make up for it the next day, or the next day till it comes to a point when it is too much and I just give up.

This year I am trying something different, no matter how many times I fall off my path to my goals I am going to keep trying till I make good habits. Sooner or later it will stick and once it does… well I don’t know.. I think I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

Play any Instrument

I admire musicians, amateurs or professionals it doesn’t matter. I believe that being able to make music is truly a blessing from God above.

I stand in awe, when I see someone play an instrument. I wish that I could be as good as them. I want to be able to understand notes when I play them be it on any instrument. Just imagine being a music prodigy, you can make any sort of music you want. How I wish I could be one!

Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

How Much More…

It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.

If Autumn had Snow..

I love the cold! I love the winter and I love the snow! Yes, there are the downsides to it but it is totally worth it.

However, it is me, I would never have a straight forward answer to a question and have a similar conundrum for this question as well. I love Autumn too. I love the skies, the falling leaves, the soft breeze that weather brings. I am not sure if it ever happens in nature, but if I could have a weather that combines all the aesthetics of autumn but also has the added bonus of snow, I guess then I have a definitive answer.

I think I have romanticized the concept of autumn in my mind so much, just a fallen leaf on the ground makes me happy. And snow is snow! It reminds me of a happier time! So I love both of those weathers equally and so I am not going to make a choice. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite type of weather?

In their Own Way

When I think of a teacher who has influenced me, more than one of them that come to my mind. I think each of them has influenced a different aspect of my life.

My English teacher, was so appreciative of a poem I wrote for her on her birthday. She literally went around the college and showing it off to all the other teachers. Her happiness on something that I felt was so small for the first time made me believe that I was good with words. I always remember her when I sit to write and I always remember how she cherished what I gave her.

My Econometrics teacher, called me aside one day and asked me to not stop studying. She told me that I was capable to get a PHD. I have always been an average student and believed that I was just common, a person who just gets by. When she said that I had such potential, at first I was taken by shock, but then the feeling of warmth filled my heart. It was from then that I stopped limiting myself to what others thought of me.

I could keep listing other instances where my teachers have influenced my life from time to time. And that is why, I believe each teacher in my life has changed me some way of the other.

Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

Conflicted

Maybe… Maybe not.. I do not need another person’s judgement to put my mind in turmoil.

I think it arises from the need to wanting to make the “right” decision. I am scared of what my decisions will result in. What if someone gets hurt? What if I don’t end up happy with the results? I don’t have the record for the best life decisions and that make me want to analyze each an every possibility. But who am I kidding, I am no Dr. Strange, no matter how much I think there will be a 100 different possibilities that I did not think of.

It takes a little effort but sometimes I think I need to make decisions without having all the cards on the table. Like some would say enjoy the choice forget about the outcome, we will cross that bridge when it comes.

However, as of now I remain conflicted, my emotions and my thoughts battle it out in my mind.

Daily writing prompt
What is one word that describes you?

You make me Smile

I should probably have something more note worthy as the best compliment. But compliments make me feel weird. Making someone smile, is probably the only compliment in my lifetime that I have accepted whole heartedly.

All other compliments that I have received makes me feel small because I know for a fact that someone is doing things better that me. I just lucked out and was noticed. I am good at something because someone better took their time to teach me, to make me worthy of that appreciation. Given that, the person who should be appreciated should be the one who taught me. And I am whole-hearted thankful to all the teachers in my life — my parents and sister, my school teachers, professors, my friends, my colleagues etc.

On the other hand, I feel that making someone smile is not something that can be taught, its inherent. And the fact that someone is happier, even just for a minute, because of me makes me happy. Wouldn’t you say a compliment is worth when the person giving it and the one receiving it appreciates it?

Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?

Journey in a Car

Though I love riding on by bike, for a cross country trip, I think that a car would be most suitable.

For one, I think it’s safer than a bike also I would be able to stop where I want and just enjoy the scene. Also, not having to lug around my luggage everywhere seems like nice thing. And the best part, I could park it somewhere and take a nap when required.

Not to lie though, the thought of travelling actually makes me anxious. I am not used to travelling alone but when I actual do travel it has always been an amazing experience.

Daily writing prompt
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?

Everyone I Know

Everyone at some point in their life is confident. I always inspired by the people around me.

It’s a wonder to see how people rise up to occasions. You would think school is a minefield. You always get put on the spot, but there are some people even in situations like that are able to confidently navigate the situation.

And just when school gets over, we find the real world is a whole new game. Everything you do is scrutinized and judged. I was so scared of everything I did. But the more I observed the more I realized that no one has everything figured out. Even the smartest person made mistakes but the thing they did different was that they never paid heed to their failures.

They faced every situation with the best attitude and accepted the results no matter what. I am learning to be confident in myself, if not always, at least in certain situations to begin with.

Daily writing prompt
Who is the most confident person you know?