Tag: mental-health

Day 97: Highs and Lows

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I was genuinely excited about today. My new stationery organizer finally arrived, and I couldn’t wait to arrange the rest of my supplies neatly into it. For the first time, nothing is hidden away—everything is right in front of me, visible and inviting. Just seeing my pens, brushes, and papers lined up feels like encouragement to make time for the thing I love most: art.

For years, I believed that drawing had to be perfect. I hesitated to use my supplies, telling myself I needed to be “good enough” first. I didn’t want to “waste” them on bad drawings. But now I realize that if I never use them, I’ll never improve. Failures are part of the process; they pave the way to success. Today, I’m okay with the mistakes because I hold onto the hope of progress.

Unfortunately, the day didn’t end as brightly as it began. While body aches have become a familiar challenge—something I’ve learned to manage—today brought back an old enemy: migraine. The throbbing in my head was relentless, and every step felt like my brain was swishing inside my skull. The lights in my room became unbearable, and only when I switched them off did I feel a small measure of relief.

So I’m winding down early tonight, hoping sleep will bring comfort. The organizer sits on my desk, a reminder of the joy I felt earlier. Even though the day ended painfully, I’ll carry that spark of excitement with me into tomorrow.

Day 96: Bitter Coffee and Burning Skin

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I may have gone a little too far with exfoliating yesterday. This morning, I woke up with my skin feeling like it was on fire. It wasn’t just a mild irritation—it was a constant burning sensation that followed me throughout the day. I kept reaching for my cooling gel, applying it again and again, hoping for relief. It made me laugh at myself a little—how something meant to make me feel better ended up being the biggest discomfort of the day. Lesson learned: not every “new product” is meant for me.

Work began with coffee, but not the kind I usually enjoy. I miscalculated the amount of milk left in the pan, and what I ended up with was a cup of very strong, bitter coffee. I don’t mind strong coffee, but I usually save it for days when I know I’ll need extra energy. Today, it came unplanned. The caffeine kept me going, but it also threw off my rhythm—I completely missed lunch. Hours slipped by, and it wasn’t until the room started getting dark that I realized I hadn’t eaten.

After finally grabbing something to eat, I wrapped up my work and signed off. That’s when the best part of the day began—time with my art projects. There’s something deeply satisfying about sitting down with my stationery supplies, sketching, coloring, and creating. I love that I’m actually using the supplies I’ve collected over the years instead of just letting them sit untouched. Each pen, brush, and sheet of paper feels like it’s finally serving its purpose. My hope is that by the end of the year, I’ll have used up a significant portion of them, each piece tied to a memory of quiet evenings like this.

Today wasn’t perfect—burning skin, bitter coffee, and a missed meal—but it ended with creativity, and that’s what I’ll carry forward.

Day 94: Small Wins and the Battle with Sleep

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

I woke up comparatively early today—not as early as I had hoped, but early nonetheless. I keep telling myself I need to set a fixed time to study. I’ve always been someone who studies best at night, when everything around me is quiet. But now, with work, it’s harder. After shutting my laptop, my mind goes into battle: sleep or study. Sleep wins every time, with me promising myself, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Truth is, there’s no point studying when I’m exhausted—nothing sticks in my head anyway.

It’s difficult to get back into a studying mindset once you start earning money. I catch myself thinking, “Why am I punishing myself? When will this be over?” But the sensible part of me knows this is my dream. Not something my parents asked me to do, not something suggested for career growth—this is mine. I delayed it because I couldn’t afford it, but now that I’ve saved enough, I owe it to myself to see it through.

So I’m going to push myself. Smaller goals—maybe just two pages of a chapter at a time. Hopefully, once I start, momentum will carry me forward.

Outside of studying, I did manage something I’m proud of: I cooked fish and a side dish for lunch. That felt like an achievement. I also took an afternoon nap—though calling it a “nap” might be a stretch since I slept for two hours. Other than that, nothing eventful today.

But even on quiet days, small goals and small wins matter.

Day 91: Five Steps Closer

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Spontaneity has never been my strength. Sudden plans usually send me into a spiral of panic. But there are exceptions—and family outings are one of them. When I’m with my family, the anxiety fades. I don’t worry about what others think. I just feel safe.

Six months ago, life looked very different. I could barely walk without dragging my leg behind me. Sitting down and standing up from a chair felt like climbing a mountain. I had no strength in my legs, and I often wished for a chair in front of me just to hold onto, in case I fell. Nights were the hardest—I remember crying quietly into my pillow every time I had to turn in bed, praying no one would hear me.

Today, I’m not what most would call “healthy,” but I’m far better than I was. And today, I had a victory.

We went out as a family for lunch. To reach our reserved table, I had to climb five stairs. Five steps—something so small for most people, but for me, it was monumental. Each step sent shooting pain through my legs, but I made it. I leaned on my sister to get down the stairs, but I didn’t break down crying. I got through it. Those five steps were everything.

The meal itself was wonderful. Good food, laughter, and togetherness. I even took pictures of all the dishes we ate. Funny enough, I used to judge people for photographing their food. But now, I see it differently. For me, it’s about capturing a happy memory. I don’t care if the photos are “Instagram-worthy”—I just want them for myself. Since I can’t go on the long walks I used to love, food has become my next best subject for photography. One of these days, I might even start sharing them online.

Leaving all that aside, today was a good day. Yes, I’m in some pain, and yes, I’m exhausted—but nothing I can’t handle. More importantly, I’m determined. I don’t want to go back to my “old self.” I want to become my better self. And with faith, family, and perseverance, I believe I will.

Day 90: Difference 3 months can make

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

It’s been three months since I began my daily blog, and so much has changed in that time. I’ve stepped out of a toxic relationship, started working on my health, and begun building habits I’ve wanted to cultivate for years.

The biggest win for me has been returning to the Bible. For a long time, I closed that part of my life off, distracted by worldly concerns. I took for granted that Jesus always had my back, while I gave little thought to the One who cared for me most. Now, I’m trying to do better. I may never be worthy of His grace, but I hope to keep reminding myself of His love.

Today was a little harder. My stomach has been upset, and I’ve felt nauseous. Food doesn’t appeal to me, but I ate something anyway so I could take my medication. The swelling in my leg is worse than usual, though I know elevating it tonight will help.

Even with the exhaustion, I managed to get through work and close out everything I needed to. There’s a quiet satisfaction in ending the day with no unfinished tasks waiting for tomorrow. That peace makes rest feel even sweeter.

I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made, and even on days like this, I want to keep moving forward—for the better, for my health, and for my faith.

Day 89: A Perfect Lazy Day

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Some days unfold without urgency, without deadlines, without the usual rush—and today was one of those rare pauses. I had wrapped up all my work yesterday, expecting more tasks to come my way, but instead I found myself with nothing pressing to do. At first, I tried to make plans, even plans to make plans, but none of them materialized.

Instead, I sat at my desk, letting the quiet stretch across the hours.

One of the highlights of the day was talking with my mom. I love listening to her stories, especially when she reminisces about her childhood. There’s a sparkle in her voice, almost childlike, when she recalls those memories. All her siblings have passed away, and I know she misses them deeply. Sharing those stories seems to connect her back to them, keeping their presence alive in her heart—and in mine, too, as I listen.

Interestingly, the stillness of the day made me realize how much the week had taken out of me. When I’m busy, fatigue hides behind the momentum. But when everything slows down, exhaustion steps forward. Even strong coffee couldn’t keep me from napping in the afternoon. Oddly enough, that nap gave me a second wind, leaving me more refreshed for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t a day of productivity, but it was a day of recovery. A slow rhythm, a gentle reset, and a reminder that sometimes doing nothing is exactly what we need.

Day 88: When Work Takes Over

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today was one of those work-intensive days where it felt like I did nothing but grind away at my tasks. By the end, my brain was fried, and all I wanted was to collapse into bed for a deep, uninterrupted sleep. Heads down, lights out.

I tried to recharge with a power nap in the afternoon, but it only made things worse. I woke up with a headache stronger than the one I started with. At one point, I wanted to throw my laptop aside and just run away from it all. I even put on my “work mode” playlist, hoping the music would push me through. But the motivation never came.

Instead, I crawled to the finish line of the day. Eventually, I gave up on completing the task and shut my laptop. Work will still be there tomorrow, but tonight, I need rest. Sleep feels like the only answer.

Day 87: Small Progress Towards Changes

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today felt like one of those rare days where everything balanced out just right. I started early, easing into the morning before my work calls. Despite preparing myself, I still managed a few funny mishaps during the call — my habit of laughing when I’m embarrassed or stressed made its usual appearance. Thankfully, cameras are not mandatory, or my red ears would have given me away. But honestly, starting the day with laughter set a good tone.

Pain was under control, and I remembered to read my Bible, which grounded me and lifted my spirit. That alone made me feel like the day was off to a meaningful start.

Food was a little unusual today — I ate more than I normally do. Hunger doesn’t usually hit me that hard, but I tried to keep it healthy and paced myself, taking breaks to check in with my body. On top of that, I drank about two liters of water, which is a big step forward for me. It may not be the “ideal” amount, but considering my usual habits, it felt like progress. With summer approaching, I know hydration will be key, so I’m hoping I can slowly grow my habit of hydrating myself.

In the afternoon, I took a break and picked up my sketchpad. I started working on a drawing of Rengoku, my favorite character from Demon Slayer. I don’t know why, probably because his character is completely contradicting to my character. He is just so positive and motivated it always brings a smile to my face. The sketch – I didn’t finish it, but I made significant progress, hopefully, I’ll complete it by the end of the week.

Looking back, today was a good day. A mix of laughter, discipline, creativity, and small victories. Sometimes, it’s not about big achievements but about noticing the little things that make life feel lighter.

Day 86: Celebrating the Win and acknowledging the failure

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. For the first time in months, I did something I had been struggling with—reading my Bible before starting the day.

Too often, I pushed it to the end of my schedule, telling myself there were “more important” things to do. Yet deep down, I knew that true healing begins with the soul, and closeness to God is the only way to nurture it. It’s ironic that I neglected this, especially when I remember a phase of my life where everything seemed to go against me, yet I was still happy—because faith gave me hope.

That’s the feeling I want again. The pure joy that isn’t tied to circumstances. Happiness that simply is. Today, that small step felt like my “good thing.”

But in the spirit of being honest about my failures, I have to admit—I bought more things. I feel embarrassed and ashamed, yet also excited about the purchases. That temporary dopamine rush is so addictive. I realize that quitting impulsive spending cold turkey is difficult. Maybe the answer is gradual change: reducing my spending budget, increasing savings, and slowly breaking the craving.

Impulse buying feels like a challenge as big as my junk food habits and poor sleep routine. But acknowledging these struggles is the first step.

This year, I want to work toward meaningful change—bit by bit, choice by choice. Because lasting transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but through consistent, intentional steps.

Day 84: Challenges, Courage and Change

Published on by wordhuesLeave a comment

Today felt different. Better. After two long weeks of discomfort and frustration, I woke up with pain that was finally tolerable. My ankle and knee are slowly finding their way back to normal, the swelling has eased, and even my stiff shoulder is beginning to loosen. Yes, there’s still sharp pain when I try to move it, but the range of motion has improved — and that alone feels like progress worth celebrating.

I find myself thankful to God for this healing. I don’t think I did much to bring it about; I only cried out to Him in my pain. Yet, He listened. Sometimes I wonder how Jesus finds the time to care for all His children. I know I can be a handful, but His love never wavers. Even when I am unreasonable, He remains the one who listens. Faith needs nurturing, but His love is constant — and that is my anchor.

Today also brought another small victory: I cooked for my family. It was tiring, but I managed. Cooking has always been my quiet escape, my “me time,” where I lose myself in flavors and creativity. But as I watched my parents eat, I noticed something different. They aren’t the same as before. It feels like the weight of my struggles has spilled over into their lives, leaving them subdued, eating only to fill their hunger. I miss the joy we used to share — even amidst fights and hardships, there was laughter. Now, it feels like the poison of my pain has touched them too. More than anything, I want them to see me happy again. I want to bring light back into their lives.

This year, I’ve decided, will be a year of change. Challenges lie ahead, but I hope to face them with strength and courage. I want to emerge with a lighter soul, one that has found its purpose. Healing isn’t just about the body — it’s about the spirit, the heart, and the bonds we share. And I believe that with faith, love, and perseverance, I can get there.