Almost Anything

I laugh for the most weirdest situations. Even worse than that, I tend to recall the funny situation and laugh again.

I laugh at myself when I jumble words as I speak or when I confidently address someone with another persons name or even better when I make the most obvious mistake.

I laugh when I see cute baby videos, when they try to attempt something for the first time and fail at it. I laugh even at dog videos or any other baby animals especially the ones with the voice overs.

What I don’t laugh for is Stand up comedy. I think my mind cannot bridge the gap between the actual words and the implied joke and when it actual does the train has left the station.

Considering that we all have a lot in life to cry and grieve over I take every chance I can to smile. I just life in that moment of laughter with a hope that I will have more of those in the days to come.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you laugh?

Happiness

Not to be to philosophical, but I feel we misunderstand what is “true” happiness.

For instance, I love stationery and discovering (and owning)new stationery. I feel happy with I look at my stationery collections and I use it as sort of therapy when I am not having a good day. Just going through them and reorganizing them helps me calm the waves in my mind.

I also love watching K-Dramas with their mostly happy fairytale like ending and of course actual fairytales too. They make me happy too, and some of the comic scenes in them are truly iconic. When I want to disconnect from reality I always turn to my Watch list on Netflix for that much needed break.

Spending time with my family makes me happy too. Just seeing them happy makes all the troubles of life worth it. On the other hand, being an introvert, spending time alone makes me happy too. I love delving into my world of imagination, I am essentially doing noting, but I am still happy.

If you ask me which of these is true happiness I would claim all of it are. It just depends on the time and the reason why you are down to truly understand what you need to be happy again.

Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?

Time before Unknown

I am not sure how technology has changed my job.

By the time I started working computers and wi-fi were old news. I think in today’s world, since the changes happen consistently and rapidly, it just seems like that is the way things always are. It would be extremely difficult to segregate a time before and a time after.

Wish I had more to say but that’s all for today. Hoping for a better topic for tomorrow.

Daily writing prompt
How has technology changed your job?

I wish I could say Never

I do not need a reason to get distracted. Show me a funny looking cloud and I will forget all about my goals.

I find it very difficult to remain focused. So time an again I make resolutions to make myself better. However, I never stick to my goals and always find some reason to not do something. And then, I keep saying I will make up for it the next day, or the next day till it comes to a point when it is too much and I just give up.

This year I am trying something different, no matter how many times I fall off my path to my goals I am going to keep trying till I make good habits. Sooner or later it will stick and once it does… well I don’t know.. I think I will cross that bridge when I come to it. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

Play any Instrument

I admire musicians, amateurs or professionals it doesn’t matter. I believe that being able to make music is truly a blessing from God above.

I stand in awe, when I see someone play an instrument. I wish that I could be as good as them. I want to be able to understand notes when I play them be it on any instrument. Just imagine being a music prodigy, you can make any sort of music you want. How I wish I could be one!

Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

How Much More…

It’s not fair that my heart feels so heavy. It’s not fair that I can’t have true happiness. I know that there are people in this world who have it worse that me, I just don’t know how do they bear it?

Are they born with the iron will with which they face the world? Or were they beaten so badly that they learnt to take the pain?

I feel like a failure, achieving what I think I want but at the end of the day I feel the weights that are tied around my neck. I cannot breathe. Life can’t be so difficult for a privileged person like me. I mean I have everything but why at the end of the day I feel like I am dying. I am not living I am just counting the days to my grave.

Is it wrong of me? To think that my life is horrible? Shouldn’t I look at those that have it worse and realize that my life is blessed? But what do I do when I cannot think beyond the four walls that close around me?

I am extremely grateful for the life I have, but, somedays I feel that my wrong choices have made have destroyed what life I had. Why did I agree? I should have realized that though I was making the decision that I thought is the best for everyone I had inadvertently made the wrong one for myself.

All I hope now is that I can teach my will to be strong. I have so many decisions to make ahead in my life and this time around since I an making them for me i know I will be alone.

Alone is better that miserable. A little sadness is better than a lifetime of grief. This time around I will make it right.

If Autumn had Snow..

I love the cold! I love the winter and I love the snow! Yes, there are the downsides to it but it is totally worth it.

However, it is me, I would never have a straight forward answer to a question and have a similar conundrum for this question as well. I love Autumn too. I love the skies, the falling leaves, the soft breeze that weather brings. I am not sure if it ever happens in nature, but if I could have a weather that combines all the aesthetics of autumn but also has the added bonus of snow, I guess then I have a definitive answer.

I think I have romanticized the concept of autumn in my mind so much, just a fallen leaf on the ground makes me happy. And snow is snow! It reminds me of a happier time! So I love both of those weathers equally and so I am not going to make a choice. 🙂

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite type of weather?

Be Me…

I am not an easy person to like. Partly, cause I am always guarded when around people. I do not want to say things that could unintentionally hurt someone. I think sometimes we just need a break from the constant façade we put up to face the world.

I would like to have more time to be the unfiltered me. To do things without scrutiny from others and say things without the fear of judgement. I think I can be quite a nice person to get to know and it would be nice not to have to put on a fake face.

I think when I am me I can be happier. I can be more creative and restful. Just thinking of it makes me feel at rest.

Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?

It doesn’t matter

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

How complicated life seems during teenage years. It is the time when we start to understand the importance of society’s acceptance.

We leave the phase of enjoying every day with a carefree attitude to the “What will people think” attitude.

We fight every day with ourselves to be the perfect version we can be—just so we could be liked. We wanted people to be jealous of the perfection in our lives.

I did things that I hated just because they were what most people did. I tried so hard to fall into the required specifications to be part of the “cool” gang. And when I could not make it, I denigrated myself: “You are not trying hard enough.” “You are a loser.” “You don’t deserve to exist.” These thoughts occupied a permanent space in my head.

But now, in retrospect, it all feels so small. All the issues I faced—if I had the maturity I have today—I think I would have gotten through them unscathed.

The one thing I want to tell my old self is: “It doesn’t matter.” The people you think matter leave your life, the standards you had to meet change, and the measure of success is different. All I had to do was get through it forging my own path, because no matter what, to others you are doing everything wrong.

Just brush them off your shoulder, hold your head high, and keep on walking.

Heart ache

When you are a kid the worst thing that can happen would be breaking up with your best friends. We get so attached to people who were strangers. That on one day when they just say things that are so mean we wither a little.

I was a very emotional person, the first time I fought with my “best” friend I fell apart. This short note was written amidst flowing tears and a hand wrapped around my mouth to stifle the noise of crying. When I think of it today I wonder to myself – How could I have been that naive? Anyways, I got over that and many more worst situations. Glad that I made it.

WHEN ONE’S HEART ACHES

When one’s heart aches what can they think,
what can they tell, what can they shed nothing at all…
When a person heart breaks it shattered into a million pieces,
just one hit, yet no sound is heard..
When one’s heart is stabbed a million times the wound deepens but is noticed by none.
It happens in just a second but nobody knows.
When a person loses all hope,
When living has no meaning,
When dying makes no sense,
When emotions die out,
When positivism is replaced by negativism,
When love has gone away.
When loneliness grabs you,
When silence surrounds you,
When happiness is replaced by grief,
When you think it will never be your day,
When memories taunt you,
When ambitions scare you,
When dreams tear you,
When one’s heart aches..

A time when you only think about this world.
A time when the Lord stands so near,
Waiting for you to turn to Him.
When the love of God captures you,
When you know you can live on,
When you realize the life isn’t bad.
When you know that, He is there to help you at a turning or crossroad.
When the lost smile returns in a while,
When He lifts you from the pit of misery,
When He gives His happiness to you as a gift.
When a one’s heart aches, He must run to God and not to human fraud.
Dear Lord, lead me, mould me and teach me Your ways.
Help me forget all of my sadness,
With You I get forever gladness,
May I be forever happy with You even if my heart aches..