Tag: writing

It was on Me…

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Each time we fought you got hurt but the scars were left on my heart,
Each time we shared secrets you were relieved but I was always burdened.
Each time we consoled each other you recovered but I sank further in,
Each time I tried never to be the same I always failed and never did really change,
Each time you shed tears some fell from mine but I never let you notice,
Each time I fell I tried to get up on my own as I did not wan to be an obstacle in your way,

In your happiness I was happy but when I was sad no one cared,
I thought of you as my driving force for living,
As days went by I was no more part of your life,
When the words you spoke made me sad I hid the tears that fell from my eyes for which I always regret,
I once was an open book but as time passed I closed up myself,
I never told you what you said hurt me but hoped you would realize but never did,
I waited and waited for you to notice but you showed no signs of it,

So I accept it was my mistake,
I hurt you, I made you cry but I hoped you would always remain mine,
But now I know your happiness is not with me,
I just want to say I am sorry,
I can’t say anything else because you were and are my everything,
I am sorry for everything I have have said and done,
Please forgive me if you can and hope that you will give a place in a corner of your life again.

Making a Habit

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I am a serial procrastinator. I sometimes astonish myself at the level of laziness I have. I can go days achieving absolutely nothing in life. It’s not because I don’t have goals for myself. I do. I noticed that the fervor that I have when I am in a particular moment does not replicate when the time to actually works towards it comes around.

I accounted everything to laziness and that everything in life came to me easy and that I did not want to strive for it. But then like most non medical professionals I sought to find my answers on the internet.

Apparently, procrastination is a disruptive mental health issue. I don’t have a great general knowledge but sometimes I like reading about certain topics. So, I researched a little further to understand the cause and how to get better. My experience with depression has made me realize that you may not be able to avoid situations completely but you can always manage the impact of it.

There were few things that I could relate to with the causes : Perfectionism and Disconnection from the Future.

I needed things to be just right. It can’t be done as “Not so bad”. It has to be of the level that it garners appreciation on the efforts. So, when I did not meet my expectations I gave up. 

Future, Hopes and Dreams. I had given up on it all. I felt that there was no point. I had nothing worth fighting for.

Today, I am trying again. I am going to make good habits of things I want to get done. I need to force myself to do it every day till my body learns that it needs to do it. Hopefully, soon I will make constant steady seps to my goals.
I have completed month 1 of writing my blog and learning a new language. Hopefully, by the end of this year I will have a set of 10 to 12 habits than will bring me closer to my goals.

Breathe Again

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Since I have missed on a couple of the daily prompts guess now onwards will be the challenge to continue writing everyday.

It seemed appropriate to start with why I started the blog. Initially, it was just about a social media presence. I restarted my blog when I had a complete reset. I realized that though in daily life I am quiet silent I had a lot to say. I chose to stay alone because I felt that no one could understand me. Then, I started writing poems as a way to manage my emotions, fear.. Sometimes when I read them over I feel that those words have absorbed the pain.

I hope that maybe someone out there can read and realize that suffocating feeling happens to many. And most of them if not all choose to bear it in silence so that the people they love don’t feel their pain.

I hope that my little insignificant blog would help them to remember to keep breathing. It may hurt bad for sometime but slowly you learn to find a way to smile despite that. You don’t bury the pain away, but rather acknowledge it. You learn to breathe again!

Certificates to be stored away

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I have gone to a business school and personally I don’t think it added to my professional capability in any way. I took a break from school to work and earn enough to go to college hoping that once I have a degree it would make me better at my job.

Fast forward, after completing my graduation and working for some years, I figured out that it was never about what was taught in the four walls of the lecture hall or the high GPA. It was always about how you as an individual figured things out. I apply about 5 % of what I learnt at my workplace. Everything else that I do is about trial and error.

My parents say a child never knows the flame can burn unless they actually touch it and feel the heat. Experiences is what makes one successful. I am extremely thankful for my experiences that has helped me grow.

I have learnt that some days even when you are right you would have to wait to be right. I learnt that anyone can have an education but only few get knowledge. I learnt that sometimes working in silence is the most offensive response you can give. And most importantly. that knowledge has to be shared without the fear of someone getting ahead.

As far as my degrees go, they are locked away somewhere in the bottom drawer of my cabinet. They gather dust and age serving as reminders that how the importance of certain things keep changing over time.

So, to all the students out there get your degrees, you may not come in first in college and that is okay. A degree does not define you, your personality and attitude does and you should never forget to build and improve on that.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What colleges have you attended?
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Keepsakes

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For me many things trigger memories and I have accumulated a lot of keepsakes to remind me of the happy moments. People say that you never forget the happy memories if you truly cherish them. But sometimes when we are emotionally worn-down and every single thing in the world feels like a burden it is those keepsakes that help me remember.

I have kept old photos, old toys, small notes passed between classes, and gifts given by friends. They remind me of a time where I loved everything about my life, where the burdens of the world did not weigh me down and each and every moment was an opportunity to feel loved and feel joy.

To name one, I have a picture a of view outside the very same window that my sister had taken over 5 years ago. The pictures shows the changes that has occurred to the landscape. Earlier there was probably two sky scrapers at a distance but in my picture those very same sky scrapers look like a tiny building.

Those set of pictures really remind me on how many things have changed over the years. Whether you consider it good or bad that really depends, but change, happens.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you feel nostalgic?
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Let’s run the Other Way

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Not to fall into the typical cliché that most girls don’t like sports. I really wish that I was good at any sports. However, as fate would have it I am on one the most clumsiest person in the world. I always say this to people “Show me a level ground and I will trip on it.” It is not intentional though. I really try but seems like my body just does not want to listen to my brain.

I do enjoy watching sports though tennis, badminton, football, cricket and so on. There is one kind of sport that some people would disagree is a sport, which is Figure Skating. I just love watching how the skaters glide on that ice to the rhythm. It seems effortless but only the people who actually are in that position know the difficulty of it. It is just mesmerizing for me to watch.

As far as me ever playing a sport, it seems like an impossible scenario. But, it never has nor will it ever in future stop me from enjoying the occasional joy I get from watching it on TV.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What are your favorite sports to watch and play?
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Worlds yet to Explore

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Reading to me has also being a gateway into something beyond reality. When everything seems bleak around me picking up a book and turning those few pages makes everything fascinating again.

I love reading all kinds of books mysteries and thrillers in particular. But, the genre I have come to appreciate the most is “Magical Realism”. I enjoy the possibility of the existence of magic in the real world. I fantasize of being in a world where I could have magic too.

I have read most of the popular book series during the start of the bibliophile part of my life. But the most surprising one for me was the series “Dark Visions Trilogy” it may have been an older series but I simply loved it. Even today, I love to go back and read them when I get the chance.

When I am asked what I want to read the only answer I have to that is “If it’s a book that would disconnect me from the boring reality called life, I will read it!”.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What books do you want to read?
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Together everything is better

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With working parents we didn’t always have the whole family together. But the one thing that we always did together was putting up the Christmas tree. We stayed up on December 1st every year and decorated the whole house for Christmas. Both my parents no matter how tired we they were from their long hours of work they stayed up with us.

Every year we tried changing up the way we decorated and came up with new ideas on how to do it. We have made a nativity set out of clay, decorations for the tree using eggshells of the Christmas Cake, stars out of thermocol… and so many other things. It was not always aesthetically pleasing but my parents appreciated with so much love.

True, we may not have had a lot of time with the whole family around but we did not miss out on anything. And I guess though not a family tradition when all of us were together we had happy times and that was what mattered.

Bloganuary writing prompt
Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.
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Miscommunication

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Now this is a question I certainly should not answer.

Communication of any sort has been a problem for me. What I mean and what I actually say always end up being different. Funny thing is when I take a step back and rethink I understand why people react the way they do the first time around. I noticed that the best form of communication I have is when my words usually swirl in my mind and then onto paper.

Considering that, you would think I love writing emails, or posting on social media. However, it is not the case. Guess I like talking to myself most of the time. 🙂

This year around, I have started to make a change. I now have started with my blog (more like continued) and soon the many videos and tutorials are going to start showing up in my prospective YouTube channel. Fingers crossed. Here’s to adopting change!

Bloganuary writing prompt
In what ways do you communicate online?
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Multitasker or a Procrastinator?

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I am still not sure what I am. I always do two things at the same time one of which would always be either listening to music or watching (more like listening) to TV series. When it’s leisure time I combine that with either writing, drawing or hand lettering.

Its’s kind of ironical, I think what I like doing best is doing nothing. But even when I am doing nothing I always have some video playing. Does that mean I spend my time watching videos or that I enjoy it just procrastinating?

Come to think of it, I just enjoying spending time with myself during my leisure time. It does not matter what I am doing as long as I am in my world of imagination.

Side Note, day dreaming also is an essential part of my alone time :).

Bloganuary writing prompt
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
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