Tag: writing

Collection of Collections

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Daily writing prompt
Do you have any collections?
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I love collecting stuff. Over my lifetime I have had various collections.

I used to collect tiny shells whenever we visited the beach. I used to collect flower petals and dry them out. I used to collect recipes that I hoped to make one day. I used to collect old tattered notes from different countries.

Though I have given up collecting almost all of the things that I used to in my childhood I do still collect items.

I have continued my collection of stationery. Over the years I think it has almost converted to a sort of addiction. I still collect coins and notes. My collection of recipes has changed to an electronic format. I still love collecting cute hair clips though some might not consider it age appropriate. My collection of accessories has been reduced, I chose to get rid of the chains and keep only the pendants.

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I think I would always have the instinct to collect items when my interest sparks in it. And I also am aware that when time passes as my interest changes so will my collections.

Muddled Memories

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Daily writing prompt
What was the last thing you did for play or fun?
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I feel bad that I can’t instantly tap into my happy memories.

Adulting is hard. The older I get I feel the more I forget about my childhood.

As this prompt showed up on my dashboard, I thought it would be something that I could easily write about. However, the next 1 hour was all about me wrecking my brain trying to remember the last fun thing I did.

When I think about the last 5 years I draw up a blank. I mean, am I so boring. I think I let the “reality of life” take too much of a forefront in all my choices. I got so caught up in completing my education, getting a job, achieving my future goals that I forgot to enjoy today.

I do have the occasional zone out days where I end up going to quite places to connect with nature. I feel that it helps me connect with myself. But I think I need to make time for my childhood self. Time to remember my childhood self.

The last time I had fun, 5 years ago was when I went to the children’s arcade with my closest friend and we went crazy. We played all the games. We won in nothing. Wasted a lot of money. But I remember laughing. Laughing without a care in the world. The kind of laugh I had used to get when going on the swing or sliding down a slide.

I am going to try finding that laugh again. I am going to try to at least make one such memory this year.

Sky or Sands

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Daily writing prompt
Beach or mountains? Which do you prefer? Why?
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Do we really have to make a choice?

I have always gone to the beach as a child. I have many happy memories associated with the beach. Going to malls and park always entailed a cost and beach trips were the most pocket friendly option that we had. My parents always took time out of their week to make time to take us out. My mom prepared snacks and dad carried his fishing rod along. We spent hours on beach returning home with tanned skins and exhaustion that made us pass out as soon as our heads hit the pillow.

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Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

On the other hand, though I have not been on top of a “mountain”. I have had some chances to go to the top of hills and the cold breeze and fog is just mesmerizing. The air is cold as it enters your lungs and you can see every breath. Every breathe feels pure and healing. I could sit hours together taking in the beauty of nature (Of course I would need warm clothing to last in that cold).

To make a choice would almost be criminal. And in this case, I would own my indecisiveness and I prefer not to choose. Each aspect of nature gives me a new experience to behold and I choose to embrace each and every memory that it gives me.

Stage Fear

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Daily writing prompt
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
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In my formative years going on stage would make me run in the other direction. I tried to avoid any such opportunity.

Even if I did end upon stage, I measured all my words and internally counted the seconds till I finally got off that platform.

I used to participate in group events. though. As long as I am not alone I would be okay. As long as no one notices me it would be fine. i used to keep repeating this lines over and over. As an added protection, I would not wear my glasses to stage. I could not see them so I could not fear them.

Then as I got older, we had presentation and speeches to give as part of the curriculum. Imagine trying to read the notes without the glasses. So for the first time I gave a presentation with my glasses on. When I was done and off the stage, I literally blacked out. I would say that I survived those college years.

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It was my first job that changed things for me. The first time I was asked to give a presentation to the management I fumbled and ended up laughing from the panic. To my surprise, instead of being annoyed by my mishap the directors joined in laugh with me. They said they need a minute to calm down and asked for a break. I knew the break was to compose myself and start again. And even though I made multiple mistakes after the first one. They kept encouraging me to go on with warm smiles on their faces.

That was my turn around. I got better and more spontaneous. I learnt to give speeches, conduct events, and even participate in debates. Over time, I didn’t need note cards anymore.

I still have stage fear. Every time I am done with a stage event, my hands are trembling. However, I do not let that hold me back anymore. I do not back down from stage situations and try my best.

Every city my wallet could afford

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Daily writing prompt
What cities do you want to visit?
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I am not a person who travels much. I think the commotion of popular tourist spots makes me feel anxious. But if I could get over this fear I would want to travel to every city in the world.

There are so many beautiful places around the world that seem so mesmerizing in the pictures and videos.

There are the popular cities like Paris, London, Tokyo, Seoul, Rome in my list. But if there is one that tops my list: Santorini. I do not know if I if the pictures really show the true picture, but as much as I have seen, its simply beautiful!

If you were to ask what is that I specifically want to visit. I have zero information. Its the calmness that the pictures portray that drag me to that place. I feel that I will get my “Breath of Fresh Air”. One day soon I hope to visit. It may not be the first city that I get to visit. However, I wish to visit it at least once before I am too tired to travel.

Safety or Excitement

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Daily writing prompt
Are you seeking security or adventure?
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What would choose?

All my life I have been pursuing the objective of security. “Work hard to secure a stable future. Don’t deviate from the course. ” these were the mantras I followed almost all my life.

Uncertainties terrify me. I do not like to be caught off guard. I am from a middle class family. we never had a back up plan. We just had one plan and if we failed we ended up with nothing. My father took on the burden of his younger siblings when he was in high school. And when he married my mother his responsibilities became theirs.

I have seen them work hard all their lives. They gave up the adventure phase of a newly married couple to take on the role of providers. Seeing them like that inherently instilled in me the need to secure my future. My formative youth years was all about securing a good job that would allow me to be a provider when I had to take the responsibility of a family. I always chose the path that was well traveled. Little did I know, what I was loosing in the process.

It took me some while to snap out of the fear to try. The first time I tried to do something new I thought I would die of a panic attack. But I did not. I ended up having fun. I smiled and laughed and enjoyed my life. Being adventurous is definitely terrifying but taking the leap is worth all the happy memories.

Today, I try to embrace adventures whenever I can. Sometimes I feel drained but sometimes I end my day with a smile on face. There are a hundred things in my life right now that makes me want to cry so I have decided I am going to grab every opportunity that comes my way to smile.

I may not be able to handle excitement every single day of my life. But I would want to keep taking chances and giving up on the fear of change.

You Win some You Loose some

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Daily writing prompt
Are you a good judge of character?
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I cannot out right say that I am a good judge of someone’s character.

There are days that I am on the more skeptical side of my nature and tend hone into that when deciding to trust someone. On the other hand, there are days that even if I am hit with red flags on after the other I give the person the benefit of doubt and make.. for a lack of a better word “Stupid” assumptions about the person.

I think I tend to be skeptical when others rely on me to make the right choices. I do not want to make the wrong choices which would end up putting others in trouble. I am more cautious and guarded when it comes to the people I love. I am down right territorial. I live the words “You want to hurt them, you go through me.”

Its ironic when you think of it. If my incorrect judgment will only affect me its like there are blinders on my common sense. I think I go by the policy, as long as I am the only one who gets hurt, it doesn’t matter. Not a very self preserving policy.

So in conclusion, I am a good judge of character when I have to protect someone and terrible judge when I have to protect myself.

Imagination Factory

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I believe I am moderately creative. I love reading, writing and drawing. One would assume that being creative is something that comes quite naturally.

However, I have realized that when it comes to drawing I find it difficult to convert my imagination to reality. I keep detailing things out in my head but find it difficult to get it to the actual paper. I realize that some of the difficulty could relate to the fact that I do not have the required skill. Though, I think most of the time it is due to my lack of focus.

I have so many ideas in my head. Would you consider me creative if there is no tangible proof of my creation?

I am taking baby steps. One thing at a time. I want to learn the skills that can finally put me on the path to convert my imagination into beautiful paintings or story.

Daily writing prompt
How are you creative?
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Three things I want to change about myself

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I am hoping 2025 to be a year of good change. Given that, there is a lot of things I want change about myself.

I am well aware of the short comings I have. I know that I have a tendency to procrastinate. Yes, over the past 2 years there were lots of personal circumstances that have put me in a very dark place. But, I want to be me again. I have realized that to give up on the bad habits I need to start adopting new ones.

The top three things I want to change about myself is:

  1. Healthier Habits
    I am not a healthy person. I tend to eat a lot of junk and avoid the nutritious food. I feel lazy in the mornings and choose to switch off my alarm and sleep a little while longer. I want to start to eat healthier and also to include some sort of excercise in my everyday. Maybe take up walking or meditation.
  2. Work Life balance
    I am sort of a work-a-holic. I tend to work as long as it takes for the work to be done. I work late into the night which makes me too tired to wake up early in the morning. I do not end up having time for anything. I want to make an effort to have a life outside office.
  3. Be more Perceptive to Others
    When I am not in a good mood I become very self focused. I do not give space for other’s feelings. I want to be the person who can find space for others problems. I want someone that they can lean on when they feel tired with their situation. I know this probably would be my biggest challenge. But, I feel this is necessary for me to start to be a better person.

Fingers Crossed when I write the last blog of the year I actually have made the changes. Here we go 2025!

What are the 3 changes you want in your life?

Consistent State of Hate

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I do not like you! The image that stares back at me in the mirror. There is nothing about you that is worth anything! You look ugly, you are a fake and worst of all you are a failure! Your life is the definition of “waste”. The world would never know should you fade away from existence. And fade away you should. You bring nothing but pain and sadness. Today these are the rantings in my head.

I somehow managed to finish my work day. I distracted myself the whole day with mindless scrolling and binge watching series after series. But now that the silence has hit my as I sit to write I cannot breathe. I feel tired and exhausted. Even crying is difficult. I am in a constant state of war in my mind and the end doesn’t seem to arrive.

What should one do when their worst enemy resides in their head? What escape can you get form the constant taunts and insults?

God made me perfect I should not insult His creation. But I, human, took what He created and have trashed it completely.

What should I do? I need to heal. I feel guilty even saying life is difficult. But today, I have no energy to carry me through. I felt the dark cloud settling around me. I thought this time also I could overcome it but I failed. I am in the dark corner of my mind and the demons of my mind and crushing the air out of me.

Just one more day. Get through today. Sleep a little. Tomorrow you will have the strength to fight back and get out of this consistent state of hate. You may not feel the grass greener or the sky bluer. You may be still in your dark place but the demons will be silent once again. Maybe just long enough for your two steps forward before the step back happens again.