Day 20: Family Time

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Today my sister came over with the kids and are staying over night. It’s true what people say when kids are there in a home it has life. My nephews are like little tornadoes. Everything they do is with a bang. There is nothing that can be done in silence. I sat back and let the chaos just engulf me.

Once they tuckered out and was put to sleep was when other thoughts came to my mind. My sister and I sat for hours just talking to our mom. We spoke about school projects that we did and then dad re-did because he just wanted to make it better. We spoke about my girl guide phase which my mom seemed to have forgotten. I took the chance to ask the ever prevailing question of “who is the favorite?”, to which she replies I love lefty and right. We spoke about many other things which was more of reminiscing than active conversation. It felt good.

Today was a busy day but all I can remember was that the day was amazing!

So much so that, I hit save and went to bed instead of hitting post.

Day 19: Holding On through the Pain

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Today I woke up with the pain from yesterday. Even with the pain I tried to get a little things done. The organizing that I started earlier and had to stop because I was exhausted, I did a little more today. I did have to stop it in between again cause the pain started getting a little worse.

I started watching a new K-drama today. It hit a little close to home. I went to a state of panic. I felt like I could not breathe. I thought I was over this feeling. The feeling of dread, the feeling of like someone was choking the air out of my lungs. I knew I was spiraling. I had to take a minute to compose myself. I stopped watching the series and started focusing on my breathing, to center myself. It did not stop the feeling completely. It is there at the back of my mind like a numb pain.

I guess I thought that I was over it. I thought that I had taken control of my life. But it seems that just like my body, my mind and my heart is taking time to heal. The hits have stopped but the old scars are still haunting me.

I do not know how long it is going to take but I am going to keep holding on. One more step towards my healing. Breathe and keep going.

Career Options

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Daily writing prompt
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?
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I am from a working middle class family. My parents had to give up their dreams of a higher education to provide for the family. And when they had kids they were determined to do everything possible to ensure their child gets the best education.

With that intention in mind, my parents have always asked us to focus on our studies. I was or rather I am not very great at school. I have always been on the borderline. I think even my parents were worried every year when my results came out that I would end up failing. But somehow through their prayers, I got through and got my degree. I have started my career with that educational qualification. I am forever grateful for their incessant taunts that kept me on track.

On the other hand, I do love writing and doing creative stuff. I have always wanted to be a writer. This blog is a way of keeping that spark alive. I recently just dusted of a journal which held the draft of my 1st book. I hope that one day that I can achieve that dream of mine.

Day 18: Strained Day

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Today was a little difficult I am in a little pain today. I can barely type up this blog. I am struggling to stand up and walk. Every step sending a sharp pain up my spine.

Its days like this that gets me demotivated. It reminds me that I am burden to my family. I feel horrible being weak. I don’t like myself. I know that the treatment will take time. But when days like these happen I feel why I am I still sick. Why am I not getting better? I need to remind myself that I am better than I was 2 months ago but sometimes it does not help.

I just wanted to crawl back to my bed for the whole day. I managed to get through my day not very successfully. Because of the pain I could not get anything done. But here’s to hoping for a good day tomorrow.

One that I can Drive

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Daily writing prompt
What is your all time favorite automobile?
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For many people, cars are a passion. They know about the engine, latest features, and know exactly why a car would be good for them. For me though, a car is simply a mode of transport. I do not have a personal preference as far as the car is concerned, but the places it can take me is something that I would focus on.

I don’t need a flashy car, what matters most is good mileage. If it gets me from point A to point B without breaking down or giving me any grief I am good.

I prefer cars where I can see clearly over the dashboard and reach the pedals easily. While I used to enjoy the control of a manual stick, the traffic en route to work have made me lean toward the convenience of an automatic instead.

For me, the real thrill isn’t in the car itself but in the journeys in it. If there’s one feature that adds extra joy, it’s a good stereo system.

At the end of the day, I would want a car to use rather than a car to own.

Day 17: Disconnecting from Work

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I am on leave starting today. I do not know what to do. I feel a little lost. With the toxicity not constantly pounding my brain its like I an empty.

I woke up and started organizing, deep cleaning just to keep myself occupied. The fact that my pace is much slower than usual does not help. I should be thankful though, I am moving mush more than I could a month back. I want to start taking the stairs maybe 5 to start with. I am a little worried that i am pushing myself too soon but I think i need to start somewhere.

I am also hoping to start driving the car again. Baby steps, one thing at a time. I need to keep reminding myself. Now that my health has made me realize the clock on life I want to do as much as possible. I do not want any regrets. I want to be better. I know there is a high possibility I might fall at sometime but I need to remember to stand back up.

Lets see what tomorrow will bring.

Hard Pass

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Daily writing prompt
How much would you pay to go to the moon?
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Survival is one of humanity’s most basic instincts. Perhaps that’s why the idea of traveling to the Moon first came into our minds. It was an escape from a planet that we have damaged.

Yet, I don’t see myself going to the Moon. Earth, with all its environmental challenges, is still my home.

To me, going to the Moon feels less like survival and more like luxury. And luxury has always made me uneasy. Coming from a middle-class background, excess feels strange—almost wasteful.

If I had the means, I wouldn’t spend it chasing the stars. I’d rather use it to lighten someone else’s burden. Money can buy happiness for some people and I would want to do that. That, to me, feels just right. Add to that the benefit of skipping the stress of space travel and risking becoming a ball of fire in the sky.

In the end, the Moon may be fascinating, but Earth is irreplaceable. And perhaps the greatest adventure isn’t in leaving our planet—it’s in learning how to care for it, and for each other.

Day 16: Reboot

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It was a long time since I actually enjoyed my work. I used to put music on and then buckle down. I swiftly completed my assigned tasks for the day. However, somewhere along the past 2 years, I lost that part of me.

I got my Spotify wrapped today, and I had not listened to any music for the past 8 months. To me, it was all noise. I never realized what all was stolen from me. How did I let it get this bad? I was losing myself and I did not even realize it. Today, as I opened my favorite playlist and set it to play, it bought back good memories.

It was a good change. People say that one should not go back to old habits but this was a good old habit. I finished my work. For the first time in a long time, I felt satisfied as I closed my laptop.

I made it another day! 🙂

Not on a Menu

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Daily writing prompt
What food would you say is your specialty?
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I am not a great cook and neither do I have a good flavor palate. I do like cooking though.

I think cooking is my blissful time. I just zone out and every single worry in my mind flies away. I started my cooking with baking. I like baking cookies, cakes and muffins. I started baking because I did not like the store bought cookies or cakes. They were too sweet for my taste. So I baked for the first time, a chocolate cake with coffee extracts for a little bitter taste. I liked it. So I kept trying my hand in baking. A new recipe every year.

As far as actual cooking goes, I can cook everyday meals. However, when it comes to new cuisine, Chinese was my first attempt. The first time around the rice was not cooked and the spices and sauces ratio was totally off. I kept at it though and after multiple tries I made a decent Egg fried rice. After that, I tried Mexican, Thai, and Indian cuisines. My initial attempts were royal failures, but I have improved since then.

If you were to ask about my specialty, it would be cuisines that are a little on the spicy side. I do not understand most other flavors but spiciness is something that I can identify easily. So I mostly deviate to such cuisines.

I am unsure if I will ever have a specialty. I think my specialty is making food that my family likes. For now, it is enough.

Day 15: A Christmas Carol

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Today we had Christmas Carols at Church. My nephews sang in the choir. They looked so cute in their uniforms. Kids are always fun to watch. Their expressions and their actions always bring a smile to faces.

On the other hand, I did a major de-cluttering. I went through all my drawers and rearranged stuff where they had to go. I also removed stuff that were just lying about without any purpose. I also when through my box of memories and found that somethings in there no longer invoked any memories. I think with age perspectives changes. I think I used to dump things in the box because it was something I had as a kid. This time around, I removed some old stuff and put in some new ones.

The pain in my shoulders are flaring up as I sit at me desk. Walking around was a little bit more painful today. Still, today was a good day!