Tag: write

Stage Fear

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Daily writing prompt
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
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In my formative years going on stage would make me run in the other direction. I tried to avoid any such opportunity.

Even if I did end upon stage, I measured all my words and internally counted the seconds till I finally got off that platform.

I used to participate in group events. though. As long as I am not alone I would be okay. As long as no one notices me it would be fine. i used to keep repeating this lines over and over. As an added protection, I would not wear my glasses to stage. I could not see them so I could not fear them.

Then as I got older, we had presentation and speeches to give as part of the curriculum. Imagine trying to read the notes without the glasses. So for the first time I gave a presentation with my glasses on. When I was done and off the stage, I literally blacked out. I would say that I survived those college years.

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It was my first job that changed things for me. The first time I was asked to give a presentation to the management I fumbled and ended up laughing from the panic. To my surprise, instead of being annoyed by my mishap the directors joined in laugh with me. They said they need a minute to calm down and asked for a break. I knew the break was to compose myself and start again. And even though I made multiple mistakes after the first one. They kept encouraging me to go on with warm smiles on their faces.

That was my turn around. I got better and more spontaneous. I learnt to give speeches, conduct events, and even participate in debates. Over time, I didn’t need note cards anymore.

I still have stage fear. Every time I am done with a stage event, my hands are trembling. However, I do not let that hold me back anymore. I do not back down from stage situations and try my best.

Every city my wallet could afford

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Daily writing prompt
What cities do you want to visit?
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I am not a person who travels much. I think the commotion of popular tourist spots makes me feel anxious. But if I could get over this fear I would want to travel to every city in the world.

There are so many beautiful places around the world that seem so mesmerizing in the pictures and videos.

There are the popular cities like Paris, London, Tokyo, Seoul, Rome in my list. But if there is one that tops my list: Santorini. I do not know if I if the pictures really show the true picture, but as much as I have seen, its simply beautiful!

If you were to ask what is that I specifically want to visit. I have zero information. Its the calmness that the pictures portray that drag me to that place. I feel that I will get my “Breath of Fresh Air”. One day soon I hope to visit. It may not be the first city that I get to visit. However, I wish to visit it at least once before I am too tired to travel.

Safety or Excitement

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Daily writing prompt
Are you seeking security or adventure?
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What would choose?

All my life I have been pursuing the objective of security. “Work hard to secure a stable future. Don’t deviate from the course. ” these were the mantras I followed almost all my life.

Uncertainties terrify me. I do not like to be caught off guard. I am from a middle class family. we never had a back up plan. We just had one plan and if we failed we ended up with nothing. My father took on the burden of his younger siblings when he was in high school. And when he married my mother his responsibilities became theirs.

I have seen them work hard all their lives. They gave up the adventure phase of a newly married couple to take on the role of providers. Seeing them like that inherently instilled in me the need to secure my future. My formative youth years was all about securing a good job that would allow me to be a provider when I had to take the responsibility of a family. I always chose the path that was well traveled. Little did I know, what I was loosing in the process.

It took me some while to snap out of the fear to try. The first time I tried to do something new I thought I would die of a panic attack. But I did not. I ended up having fun. I smiled and laughed and enjoyed my life. Being adventurous is definitely terrifying but taking the leap is worth all the happy memories.

Today, I try to embrace adventures whenever I can. Sometimes I feel drained but sometimes I end my day with a smile on face. There are a hundred things in my life right now that makes me want to cry so I have decided I am going to grab every opportunity that comes my way to smile.

I may not be able to handle excitement every single day of my life. But I would want to keep taking chances and giving up on the fear of change.

You Win some You Loose some

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Daily writing prompt
Are you a good judge of character?
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I cannot out right say that I am a good judge of someone’s character.

There are days that I am on the more skeptical side of my nature and tend hone into that when deciding to trust someone. On the other hand, there are days that even if I am hit with red flags on after the other I give the person the benefit of doubt and make.. for a lack of a better word “Stupid” assumptions about the person.

I think I tend to be skeptical when others rely on me to make the right choices. I do not want to make the wrong choices which would end up putting others in trouble. I am more cautious and guarded when it comes to the people I love. I am down right territorial. I live the words “You want to hurt them, you go through me.”

Its ironic when you think of it. If my incorrect judgment will only affect me its like there are blinders on my common sense. I think I go by the policy, as long as I am the only one who gets hurt, it doesn’t matter. Not a very self preserving policy.

So in conclusion, I am a good judge of character when I have to protect someone and terrible judge when I have to protect myself.

Imagination Factory

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I believe I am moderately creative. I love reading, writing and drawing. One would assume that being creative is something that comes quite naturally.

However, I have realized that when it comes to drawing I find it difficult to convert my imagination to reality. I keep detailing things out in my head but find it difficult to get it to the actual paper. I realize that some of the difficulty could relate to the fact that I do not have the required skill. Though, I think most of the time it is due to my lack of focus.

I have so many ideas in my head. Would you consider me creative if there is no tangible proof of my creation?

I am taking baby steps. One thing at a time. I want to learn the skills that can finally put me on the path to convert my imagination into beautiful paintings or story.

Daily writing prompt
How are you creative?
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Three things I want to change about myself

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I am hoping 2025 to be a year of good change. Given that, there is a lot of things I want change about myself.

I am well aware of the short comings I have. I know that I have a tendency to procrastinate. Yes, over the past 2 years there were lots of personal circumstances that have put me in a very dark place. But, I want to be me again. I have realized that to give up on the bad habits I need to start adopting new ones.

The top three things I want to change about myself is:

  1. Healthier Habits
    I am not a healthy person. I tend to eat a lot of junk and avoid the nutritious food. I feel lazy in the mornings and choose to switch off my alarm and sleep a little while longer. I want to start to eat healthier and also to include some sort of excercise in my everyday. Maybe take up walking or meditation.
  2. Work Life balance
    I am sort of a work-a-holic. I tend to work as long as it takes for the work to be done. I work late into the night which makes me too tired to wake up early in the morning. I do not end up having time for anything. I want to make an effort to have a life outside office.
  3. Be more Perceptive to Others
    When I am not in a good mood I become very self focused. I do not give space for other’s feelings. I want to be the person who can find space for others problems. I want someone that they can lean on when they feel tired with their situation. I know this probably would be my biggest challenge. But, I feel this is necessary for me to start to be a better person.

Fingers Crossed when I write the last blog of the year I actually have made the changes. Here we go 2025!

What are the 3 changes you want in your life?

Consistent State of Hate

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I do not like you! The image that stares back at me in the mirror. There is nothing about you that is worth anything! You look ugly, you are a fake and worst of all you are a failure! Your life is the definition of “waste”. The world would never know should you fade away from existence. And fade away you should. You bring nothing but pain and sadness. Today these are the rantings in my head.

I somehow managed to finish my work day. I distracted myself the whole day with mindless scrolling and binge watching series after series. But now that the silence has hit my as I sit to write I cannot breathe. I feel tired and exhausted. Even crying is difficult. I am in a constant state of war in my mind and the end doesn’t seem to arrive.

What should one do when their worst enemy resides in their head? What escape can you get form the constant taunts and insults?

God made me perfect I should not insult His creation. But I, human, took what He created and have trashed it completely.

What should I do? I need to heal. I feel guilty even saying life is difficult. But today, I have no energy to carry me through. I felt the dark cloud settling around me. I thought this time also I could overcome it but I failed. I am in the dark corner of my mind and the demons of my mind and crushing the air out of me.

Just one more day. Get through today. Sleep a little. Tomorrow you will have the strength to fight back and get out of this consistent state of hate. You may not feel the grass greener or the sky bluer. You may be still in your dark place but the demons will be silent once again. Maybe just long enough for your two steps forward before the step back happens again.

“Show me a hero, I will write you a tragedy”

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This quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald is my most favorite quote.

I first heard this quote when I was watching the TV series “Criminal Minds” and it instantly resonated with me.

We all like a hero’s story of victory but little to we understand the ordeal that individual overcame to be that “hero”. Some of my friends told me that this sounds like a very negative quote. They said the quote focuses on the point that no hero has a happy backstory.

But in my opinion, I think the quotes shifts the focus from the end of the journey to the journey in itself. Yes, the hero is the victor at the end, however, it was the struggles that defined him. Everyone loves to have that happy conclusion to the story. When victory is achieved you always find throes of people following you. But it is in the long arduous journey that you find yourself lonely. You find true friends and realize your courage to face the obstacles that were stacked up against you.

Every failure, every setback is what defines you. Two steps forward one step back. Every little experience defines your character. How you deal with every circumstance that comes your way is what makes you a hero or a villain.

I am still on the journey to being a hero not for others but for myself. Hoping that someday I can be someone’s hero too.

What is your favorite quote? What does it mean to you? Please do share links to your post in the replies.

Three things I like about myself

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I love writing and talking about most things under the sky. I never knew there would be a topic that can leave me completely stumped.

I think no one can immediately come up with things about themselves. I am going to try. They may not all make sense but these were the best I could come up today:

  1. Eyelashes
    Lets be clear they are not as pretty as I would like them to be. However, I like that when the light hit my eyes I can see the tiny shadows of my lashes. They may not be perfect but I love that they suit my eyes.
  2. Nails
    I love doing nail art. Or at least whenever I get the time. I used to love making cute easy designs sometimes even changing them every week. Because of this, I took care of my nails. I like that I can grow my nails without it getting chipped.
  3. <<To be filled at a later date>>
    I wish I could think of something that I could jot down. But for today I am keeping a blank space. Hoping that sometime soon I can come back to this post and finally complete this list.

What are the 3 things that you like about yourself? Please do add a link to your post in the comments I would love to read!

What is Right

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?
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A very vague title but it is something that I reflect on everyday.

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All my life I have been told what is right and wrong by my elders. I am grateful to their guidance and protection. It definitely has been their wisdom that has kept me in one piece till today.

But I have realized one thing. Nobody has all the answers. And sometimes the right answer for someone ends up being the wrong answer for you. Every circumstance is different and each persons reaction to that situation is different.

I have learnt that there is no one right way to deal with a situation. You cannot expect to have the answers to every circumstance. You need to make your own right choices. There can also be times when the right decision you made once has now become wrong.

Yes, You can sometimes take the advice “helpline” but it is up to you to decide if that is the right choice for you. But more than anything, you need to be open to the idea that the real choice is not what is right but what is best for you.